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Survive
I am hearing the lies and I cannot breathe
Anymore
And it hurts to open my eyes and I cannot breathe
Anymore
And the waiting
In between
Knowing
What comes
Next
And what comes
Now
I woke up at four
In the morning
Screaming
Not really screaming but I could feel
The internal
Screaming
The yelling
Frantic
The pain
Panic
And fear
All the fear comes flooding back to me and I cannot breathe
Anymore
And it hurts to accept the truth and I cannot breathe
Anymore
And the waiting
Because I know in my head
What is really true
Because I know in my head
It’s not a lie
Although I wish it was
The lies
Aren’t
Lies
They’re
True
Far too
True
For my liking
It happened at 8
PM
The next day
The worst
The impossible
The scariest thing
But it wasn’t really
Scary
I was just
Scared
To let go
Of the one thing
I really had
But I have to accept it but I cannot breathe
Anymore
And I have to push through but I cannot breathe
Anymore
And the waiting
For my own end to come
In anxiety
And anguish
And depression
Full of
Grief
Just begging
God
To bring him back
To me
And I don't even believe
In God
But I would do anything
To bring him
Back
To me
Because he’s gone and I cannot breathe
Anymore
Because I’m alone
And I cannot breathe
Anymore
The grief
Swallows me
Whole
I’m planting
Flowers
I’m taking care of his
Lemon tree
I’m
Surviving
Through all of this
Because it hurts so much and I cannot breathe
Anymore
But I try and I try and I try to breathe
Once more
Because waiting
For it all to end
Won’t help me
And waiting
For a God to answer me
With the impossible
Won’t bring him back
And waiting
For the pain to end
Is useless
Because it won’t
And I know
That I can still
Survive
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