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Wednesday
“Cry night”
Because apparently you’ve got to let it go
At church camp
At some point.
Because if that giant senior’s
Bawling into his massive hands
You feel this pressure to let go
Too.
Just throw it down
And get down with everyone else
To that thumping Jesus-beat
Just let it fall
And yell
Praise and close
Eyes and lift
Hands.
I cried during cry night
(Like everybody else!)
But I didn't really lift my
Hands.
I remember not wanting to
Because I was scared they would get filled
Again.
And then where would I let it all go?
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One night at a church camp my peers and I were encouraged during a time of worship to "let go" of whatever had been holding us back and embrace the freedom that Jesus offers us. At the time, I was struggling with condemnation and shame, finally having to stare it in the face after carrying it for so long. And I did what they wanted. I let it all burn away under the grace and love of my Savior. But in my heart, I still had doubts: what would happen if my shame returned? What would happen if nothing ever changed? I still struggle with doubts, just like any believer. But I understand now that while my feelings may change, my God never will.