I didn’t know what to say the night Jeb brought her home
His new wife was quite the frightful sight
  her gray fur was up in every which way
and got the munchies for my trash half past midnight
she didn’t  clean up, leaving things scattered as she roamed

I knew I had to do something for it simply isn’t right
for a man to walk a racoon down the aisle his wedding day
Jeb met her when he’d set a trap the coon the was crashing his trash can
Tried to catch the critter for months, but she always got away
Then he finally caught her in a trap  when blinded her with a light


“yippee,” Jeb whooped “ I’ve finally got you, clever thing! I got lucky, ay?”
And like rational man, he stepped up to the trap, hunting rifle in hand
  But then he looked into her big brown eyes and swore to never leave her side
Jeb saw their future together and knew that things would be just grand
He insisted to the kin that they were the perfect pair and would always stay that way

Then one month after Jeb came home, a racoon and her man
Before that day, all he said to us was he found a woman sweet as pieF But that sure ain’t a woman like a hot June sun ain’t a winter moon
  I thought for sure  he was joking when he called her his bride
Jeb insisted he’s serious and this is true love and that I’ll never understand

To be honest, that night I cried and cried
For it brought back memories of my first love all too soon
only mine had been much more refined and logical for sure
For mine was a big strong buck, not some nasty coon
Not knowing what to do about said coon, I only sighed