Just a day ago, just a week ago, just a month ago
I forced myself to forget how to love.
Didn’t want to remember the pain and the heartache
It was fine until today, until my heart started to beat again, until I kept on thinking about you
I find myself asking the question once again: is it worth it?
Do I want to start again? Do I want to love again? Do I want to wait again?

Just a night ago, I made myself hate you
Told myself to forget what loving feels like
But you’ve renewed the desire to love again.
How can you possibly open up my heart so quickly?
You didn’t even knock- I opened
Will this writing turn into a love letter and a prayer?
What can I do to stop myself from loving you again?
How can I stop myself?

Love sprout in my heart again like a flower growing on a concrete path
Did you plant it? Did you water it? Did you take care of it?
No.
Then why? Why did the pretty thing, scented beauty, bright nature choose to grow from the most terrible place?

Just an hour ago, I set my feet on the other side
Is it right to deny my feelings? Is it good to hold back?
Or
Is it worth being honest?

Your existence makes my heart skip
Your cold personality motivates me to melt it down
Your abilities and skills fascinate me
Your comments distract me from the reality

What do I do? I feel like I’m dreaming when I’m around you.
What should I do? If my life feels incomplete without you
What can I do? I feel like my life movie won’t have a resolution if you don’t have a dialogue
How can I survive? If I start loving you, liking you, admiring you

Am I willing to risk my love again?
Will I be able to go through all the disappointments and depression?
Is it possible to stand back on my feet if loving you becomes too difficult?
Can I hold back the tears like I’ve done before?
Am I? Will I? Is it possible? Can I?
There is this battlefield in my head.
There is a conflict within me.

I feel like the music has started to play in my head,
The situation I am in is the beginning instrumental part.
I’m scared, afraid, worried that the words will be sung,
That the bridge will flow with melodious harmony
What if this song lasts a long time?-an everlasting song

I desire to love again.
I am desperate to let love burst out of my sorrow.
After I’ve stopped loving you,
All I felt was emptiness.
Now what I find myself do is research about love, looking up in the internet what love is
To learn about it
To know what to expect myself to be doing
To understand what I will be going through

But I can’t grasp the idea of love yet
All I feel is fear at the moment
Will this love drive out this fear? Can it?
Will I become crazy about you again?
Will I look out for you all the time?

If I don’t see you for a day, I begin to wonder if you missed me
Is this love?
When I feel like you are looking at me, I feel shy
Is this love?
If I look at my phone, I start to question will you ever write me?
Is this love?

What exactly is love? I’m still unsure.
Are you the one who can teach me what it is?
Are you able to show that love to me? The love I can’t exactly express at the moment?
Should I be angry at myself for loving?
Is it worth complaining to myself for wanting to interact with you?

When I pass by you, I can’t even look right at your eyes
When I walk with you, I wish to talk with you- words don’t come out
Talking with you is learning another language which I am not fluent at yet
When there is no smile on your face, I begin to worry, longing to lend you my shoulder
But when you do smile, I tell myself “he smiles”.
When you talk to me, even a short phrase, it makes my day, completes my day

Is there a break in my heart?
Or is there only an accelerator?
Will I fall down the slope?
Do I have to control myself now? I can’t.
How can I expect me to control without a handle?

I’ve just figured that this has turned into a love letter.
The feeling put into this is a feeling of love with a sense of longing.
I’ve turned the doorknob of love, and I’m entering it without hesitation.
This piece has turned into a wish list.
I believe and know that you are the only one who can accurately answer all of this.
There will be no more tears because I miss you, but there will be tears because I want you back.
All my days will be filled with happiness and gladness because I’ve chosen you again.
There will be laughter inside of me and outside of me just because of the fact that I love you.

This is what you make me do,
Go crazy
And I know that this will continue to complicate my head
Until fairytale fades away and it becomes a reality
When you start to love me as well