I say I’m fine and life is great

With a smile at the end

I craft each text, checking every word

Before I even click send.

When I go silent

You know the deal

I’ll stare at the ground and say

Nothing feels real.

My friends say it’s normal.

My mom thinks I’m lazy.

How do I explain it when

I think I’m just going crazy? 

When I try to talk,

I say what I know.

But friends smile and laugh

Like it’s all just a show.

I change the subject

Before they can see

The tears, the pain, 

And what is wrong with me

I try to hold it in

Even if I feel sad.

I wait and wait

Until it gets too bad. 

If I tell a friend

I’m met with a frown

And I know immediately 

I let them down. 

I look at the world and wonder

If I should even try

But then I see your smile and know

it’d be too hard to say goodbye 

I wish I could tell you everything

but I can’t be that strong

Maybe one day I’ll be able to finally tell you

everything that’s been going wrong 

I don’t mean to bring you down

I never meant to hurt you in that way

But I fear if I don’t tell you everything

I won’t make it another day

Not every cry for help is loud

Surely you know this

You’ve see me stare at the tile floor

Falling into my depressive abyss 

I’m sorry for my stubborn ways

I simply don’t know what to do

Please don’t leave when I push you away

Because I really do need you.