I am my own worst critic

I crush myself under the weight

of expectations

yet never can reach satisfaction

I give chance after chance

to everyone else

yet they twist my disappointment

into overreaction

What I owe myself

when I look in the mirror

is different than

when I lay awake through the night

I see myself differently

from an outside perspective

than from what I see in the dark

when my mask is illuminated by my own light

To one I owe patience

and understanding of the blemishes

I’ve accepted as beauty marks

I owe myself love and care

Because at the end of the day

when I lay awake

I am left in my own mind

and I am the only one there

To the other I feel as if I owe

the pain I think I deserve

the abusive words and hurt

I owe myself the reminder of imperfection

Because at the end of the day

when I have done nothing to change

the mirror still shows that I am not enough

when I stare at my own reflection

I realize now

what a difference there is

between being lonely

or being alone

Just the absence of people

is much more inviting

but without the option

I’m forced to face myself on my own

So what do you do when you’re fighting yourself

Do you listen to the louder voice

Do you give yourself the choice

or run by instinct

Do you try to hide away

or allow yourself the patience

to breathe through the day

without the argument in your head pulling you back

What do you owe yourself

when what you deserve

is so much more than

you will ever say

What do I deserve

when what I owe myself

contradicts itself

by the end of the day