as I stretch across my bed looking out at the stars,
so suddenly reminded of my wounds and scars,
and the thoughts so fully drowned my mind,
as my dreams and reality intertwine,

I step into the edge of the ocean,
and I fall into the swaying mass of emotion,
with my hand reaching,
toward the leaching blackness.

I've fallen enough times to understand pain,
as the blood that stains my heart,
never fully dries leaving,
the word happiness
hard to believe

still falling into abyss,
contemplating if I really exist,
my world begins to spin,
throwing me into the past,
another had been memory,
that didn't last,

I fall upon the bright green grass,
on the unmoving ground at last,
I stand to my wobbly feet only to see,
the memory that made me.. Me.

its just about sunset,
the beautiful array of colors,
pose absolutely no threat,
I walk a few feet out from where I stand,
looking out across the endless land,
nothing blocking the view of the sky,
the nothingness strikes me heart,
and I begin to tear less cry,
the swaying grass &short white fences,
single houses with warm invites,
an arrow of birds take their flight,
I look around as the sight temps me to my knees,
I close my eyes and I look with my heart,
my clutch my chest where its beating,
afraid of the pain the agony might bring,
afraid of once again falling apart,

my heart aches within as I fall to the ground,
and again the blackness surrounds,
and I fall through unstable ground,
thinking 'when will this end?'
As farther and farther I descend.

haven't I had enough,
I am no where near as tough,
to handle what its putting me through,
its breaking me unbearably in two,
I start to fade into numbness,
and I slowly begin to feel the mess of my sheets,
I slowly open my eyes to the scene of my room,
behind the curtains the moons shines brightly,
and I realize once again,
that the sanity of my dreams,
easily defeats everything about me.