My love,         1996

You did it again.

Tore up my heart with such susceptibility. I have to admit, I admire you, HELL I adore you. No matter what you do, your name still lingers around my head and heart with tremendous love. I feel your fingers against mine, until they slip away like sand. I get squeamish whenever I remember your eyes looking into mine, as if you knew every single weakness, every triumph, every flaw, all of me. I became so subservient to your desires I never thought of what it could be doing to me. “No harm,” I remember whispering to myself whenever in doubt.

My love, my life, my rock, my safety. My gut always told me, “Stay away, for that boy will leave you with nothing but consternation.” But I stayed. Why do you disavow your part in every argument, every slap, every hit, every dunk, you’ve done to my heart? There’s a couple stitches that will never be removed or dissipate, and I’ll be damned at the day you forget about me.  I remember your corpulent body, the strength you possess.

Hypothetically speaking, would we be together if you never changed? In perhaps, a utopia? Would you still love me the same? I impugn every statement that says you never loved me/do not love me because, I know, I know deep beneath your mask. Your player mask, your dumb stupid mask that hides the boy I love. You love me.

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

The same one word question rings and rings throughout my mind, never mind the bovine silence in return. Because I don’t know why. I don’t know why my heart chose you. The boy with the ignoble personality, sarcastic tone, and smart ass remarks. But I guess it’s what they don’t see.

Your smile, your laugh, your warm side that got me through the rough days. So many diamonds in your rough, I promise you, I’ll never stop mining.

I’m here. Forever and Always.

- Your love.