I promised to hold your hand
tight
while we swung on that rusty swing set
at the playground.
I told you that if we fell,
we fell together,
after giving that rusty swing set
one try.
Or two.
Or eight.
Your hand always slipped out of mine though,
no matter how hard I held.
But I understood why your
sweaty palms always conveniently slipped
or
simply let go
of mine.
So, I’d let you run and play
With the other kids at the playground.
I’d watch you run around
Picking up new play buddies along the way,
All while I sat on that rusty
Swing set,
Waiting for you to get bored
With everyone else,
And just hold my hand as we gave
Slow,
Careful swings.
It gets pretty quiet sitting on a
Lonely swing set,
Watching my feet kicking the dirt below it.
The sight of my feet kicking the dirt was a
Better sight than everything else going on
at the playground though.
After a while, you usually find your way
back to that rusty swing set,
With your trusty play buddy.
Once again, taking those
Slow,
Careful
Swings.
After getting used to the
Slow,
Careful
Swings,
You’d try to go
Faster
And higher.
But that light blue sky that you were
reaching for was unattainable,
because you could never hold onto
my hand
long
or tight enough.
So in my head I would wonder…
How long until I crash back to earth?
That question sometimes left my head
And I just enjoyed holding your hand,
Until you gave me,
Better said: left me
The answer.
Sitting on that swing set also gave me
A lot of time to think…
Why don’t I have the will to just get up
And walk away?
Answer is:
I don’t want to hurt you when you see me
Go down the slide with someone else.
So please,
Tell me:
What is your secret?
How can you let go of my hand and
Walk away from that swing set
Without looking back,
And fill the spaces between your fingers
With a hand that’s not mine?
Do you stash the memories of when we’d
swing high enough to breathe in heaven
In your back pocket?
Like I stash the gum I always
shared with you?
Unlike that reliable swing set though,
I do have a breaking point.
And that breaking point that you
Knowingly past
Can’t be fixed with a sweet smile
And a couple of light pushes on the swing.
Truth is,
I’m too big to be playing playground games.
No more hide-and-seek for me,
Thank you very much.
Go ahead and find yourself another buddy
Who’s gonna wait for you on that
Swing set,
Because I’m done playing the
Playground games.
I doubt you can say the same.

I’m done kicking dirt.
You can go kick rocks.