Could it be that I’m finally happy?

I hadn’t had a need to cry 

I haven’t even felt like I need to be loopy to be happy

I’m scared

It scares me

It shouldn’t, but it does

*sigh*

It’s a good feeling, but it’s foreign

These feelings that are deep inside me want to burst out

But I don’t want to open that gate

It’s almost like I don’t want to end the drought

Could it be that I’m scared of the amount of happiness that I have inside?

Or maybe I’m trying to conserve the happiness I feel

Scared that one day it might leave or die

It’s so hard to express feelings that only appear every once in a blue moon

It feels as though my soul is finally in tune

At least for now

Bad days will come and go, that I know

But what I’ll remember most are the days where no frown could be found on my face

The days that you and I spent together where I found myself in your warm embrace

 It’s been a while since I’ve felt an embrace like that

Because I was always ready for combat

All I knew was depression

And I knew it well, as if it was made for me

But the more I open up, my eyes can finally see

See that I can actually be happy

See that I no longer have to keep my pain a discretion 

At what moment did this fake smile become a real one? 

I didn’t realize how easily I could open my eyes and finally see the sun

A sun that has been shining down on me for a long time

I think it’s time to have some genuine fun

I think

Am I allowed ?

 The thoughts inside my head tell me it’s not right

Who should I listen to,

The north or the south?

Two voices, pulling me each way

The north tells me to go out and make the best of my life 

Because we’ve only got one right?

But the south tells me to go lie down 

That I’ll never amount to anything in this lifetime

*pause and think*

*smile and sigh*

In the end that’s all it is

A voice

Not even real

I get to make my own decisions

And from now on I choose to envision myself as someone new

Someone happy