If ‘a dream is a wish that your heart makes…’, then where do the nightmares come from, Disney?

Tell me, do you believe in fairy tales?

Along with the rest of the human race I grew up watching countless cloned cartoon tales about how the beautiful princess marries the conveniently, just as gorgeous and super rich, prince charming that she met the day before. Then they both living happily ever after as they ride off into the sunset on horseback. On the surface there is an adorable love story here but they are actually, in my opinion, an evil piece of sorcery that has the power to make girls starve themselves, cry over not having a boyfriend and be made aware of how little money their family has, compared to a fictional princess. All at the mature age of 7.

With a waistline the size of a pencil, Snow White began the unrealistic Disney convention but after putting the photos of each princess together in the order that they were created it just seems to get worse! No wonder the thin ideal became an epidemic in the 1960s, it was Sleeping Beauty who spread the contagious poison that is the desire to starve the body of all the nutrients we are told to consume from birth. And don’t even bother looking for their hips, you won’t find any! Apparently, they don’t exist in lands ‘far far away’ but I would like to know how they manage to fit all of the vital organs in a body that measures the size of McDonalds French fry. Which is, as it happens, one of the foods that are strictly off limits as part of this miracle diet that they all must be following. A diet consisting of nothing but water and celery yet still, they manage to maintain a positive outlook on every aspect of their lives; despite being cursed, lost in the woods or without any legs in the middle of the ocean. I get disgruntled if I miss my own breakfast! Although it is beginning to make sense to me now… why it is that Ariel sings with an aquarium of brain dead fish and Belle sings with the kitchen staff orchestra who are in fact plates and cutlery led by a candle stick. Maybe the reason Sleeping Beauty fainted wasn’t because she pricked her finger on a spindle, but because she’d collapsed from the lack of energy and is suffering from an underlying mental disorder commonly known as anorexia!

It is, however, obvious Disney have attempted to stray away from narrow minded tradition. A remarkable total of three princesses are non-white females, but it took fifty-five years to make one. You would have thought though that after breaking away from one tradition it would be easier to increase Jasmine’s waistline by a couple of centimetres but no! Furthermore, when you take away the unrealistically petite caricature, and swipe away the magic carpet from beneath her, what’s left is a blonde haired, blue eyed American known as Linda Larkin… not quite an Arabic princess. I’m disappointed in you Disney… you were so close.
Unfortunately Jasmine has also been the source of many a girl’s disappointment in front of the mirror, when they have to accept the volume of their own hair is non-existent compared to her luxurious locks. I have come to the conclusion, from this that there is other magic within the fairy tale, other than the flying carpet. Just like the phenomenon used by Ariel that is a sort of miracle body spray that allows her to spend her life under the sea without getting her hair wet or washing up on the ocean with wrinkly fingers!

And while I’m on the subject, the price of hair vitamins have risen considerably since the remake of the German tale Rapunzel, known as Tangled. Young girls show their desperation to grow their hair anyway that they can, but only parents understand the only way to achieve it is by not cutting their hair. Ever. Conveniently, the film makes sure they never zoom in on the mounds of hair floating along the carpets and shower. It’s understandable why she’s asked to do so many chores, it probably takes the poor girl half the day vacuuming up the mess she makes! I also need a word with L’Oreal Paris- she we’d make the perfect model. Whose hair grows that long and still looks that shiny? There literally isn't a split end in sight! What you don’t see is her neck and back x-ray ten years later showing what carrying that weight around every day can do to your spinal cord and posture! Ladies and gentleman introducing the first ever hunch-back princess!

Granted, Disney always finds a way to create a happy ending. They awake from the deepest slumber; thaw the frozen village and break the darkest spell; restoring hope in the hearts of everyone who watches the tale. And although their waistlines are unhealthy, their hair and makeup unrealistic and so happy I question their true mental stability -the happy ending is my favourite thing about fairy tales

However, they still manage to fuel my anger further by cementing this happy ending with the marriage between prince and princess. Is the message they’re trying to send out to the younger generation that love is important to be happy? Or is it that you cannot be happy without marriage? The idyllic tapestry hanging on my niece’s wall shows Cinderella marrying the prince. I wonder if she would love it as much if Cinderella was marrying another princess. Or if it was two Prince Charmings celebrating their love. And is the possibility of an ending without marriage so shocking? Critics were raving after the release of Brave, when Princess Merida battled with her mother’s wishes to find her the perfect suitor, broke tradition and demonstrated her strength. Congratulations to Disney for finally breaking their own traditions, it is no longer the 1950’s where women should obey and serve. We battled to get our vote and abolish slavery but it’s taken us over half a century to get an animated Disney film to end with anything but a wedding. 

Disney also shows they’re aware of their restricted audiences which are let’s face it: little giggling girls with pink rooms, ‘clip-clop’ shoes with furry things on the front that drive every parent around the bend. They are beginning to evolve with the more modern times. In a weak attempt to gain male viewers, they chose not to make a film about a boy who finds a girl through a skateboarding contest or a car rally, they make the monumental decision to stop naming the films after the princess names. Of course conveniently forgetting to remember that Aladdin was named after the male protagonist, and got the same amount of views as Cinderella. I’m not saying that I didn't see any teenage boys walking in to the cinema to see Frozen- just because it’s not called the Snow queen- but I doubt very much that would be their thought process.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m quite partial to the odd Disney number every now and then- and I’m not ashamed of being caught belting out ‘A whole new world’ in a terrible American accent. But it never ceases to amaze me how customary it’s become for Disney princesses to be able to sing beautifully and note perfect. They all seem to know how to gracefully harmonize with Prince Charming and somehow all the characters seem to know the words that they've just created spontaneously on the spot. To be honest it’s not really the actual singing I have a problem with, it’s what is said within them. I find it inspirational how each princess can find something to sing even if there is nothing to say. With ‘And I’ll brush and brush and brush my hair’ being an actual lyric written by a producer… who does get paid… a fair amount… I often wonder why people, after watching the film, buy the soundtrack.
So I've made the decision that Disney Princesses are not all that they are cracked up to be. They are severely underweight gold-diggers; with impossible hair; annoyingly sweet voices that sing at every possible opportunity and are inevitably condemning themselves to a painful patriarchal future by enforcing anti-feminism. These are then imitated by our children, who like them just because they are pretty.

So tell me now, do you believe in fairy tales?