My biggest weakness is dealing with embarrassing situations, I can't handle them gracefully,  and I definitely can't pick myself up and move on from it, an embarrassing situation means a week of me locking myself in my room crying everyday after school.

On my first day in college, we immediately did some socializing activities like getting to know our classmates and getting to know our seniors. To do so, we took part in some ice breaking activities, like musical chairs, truth or dare and introducing ourselves in front of everyone.

Well it turned out to be the worst first day of my life.

While playing musical chairs, the excitement and anxiety got to me and I began sweating like a pig. I got scared of the person walking behind me because he/she could see the back of my shirt soaked in sweat. And I got afraid of the person in front of me, because she/he could see the sweat on my face was disgustingly washing away the concealer or bb cream that was hiding my acne and pimples. And the sweat wouldn't stop, even though I kept fanning myself like crazy.

After that, I couldn't stop thinking about how everyone might find me physically unattractive.

While playing truth or dare, I got dared to rub my nose against a senior's , I was hesitant, I mean it was my first day, and I was incredibly shy, so I stood still and didn't move forward, another senior then randomly but very loudly yelled at me to "Grow Some Balls". The whole class heard, and my eyes began looking around left and right, I must've looked like I was about to faint. Worse, I got extremely scared of that senior, and it showed.

Then, I kept thinking about how mentally weak I must've seemed to my classmates.

All my other classmates gave long and interesting speeches about their achievements before coming here, speaking with full confidence and delivering quotes. When it was my turn, I froze, I stuttered and spoke random gibberish, I was trying so hard to be unique and funny. Instead of laughter, I got no reactions.

I spent my first year with no confidence, and with much self-hatred.

Today I realized how stupid I was, I wasted my age if seventeen, not loving myself, not being happy. I thought the only way to be happy was to avoid embarrassing situations at all cost and to be liked by everyone.

Stupid me, at age 18, I realized, no matter where you go there will always be someone who doesn't like you, embarrassing situations will always happen because mistakes are always made, and that's what humans do.

I should've stopped thinking about what other thought about me, I should've cherished myself, by not doing so I forsaken a privilege God has given me, to have my own thoughts, and to love yourself no matter what. By doing that, I would've been happy, so happy, we all have one life, why waste it by not being happy??

Respecting myself also means not fighting back against haters because its not worth wasting time with them,  anyone can say anything they want, I can ignore anything I want.