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The Hidden Bully.
Bullying is the talk on the street, the thought in everyone's mind, the worry of the world. Look online and you will see thousands of examples of children bullied by their peers, resulting in life changing events… including death. But, there is one type of bullying that is hardly ever brought up, and thoughts of it exist only in the privacy of a persons mind.
This bullying is just as bad.
Many people in their life see it, but many are oblivious, not realizing that it is more than just teasing. They do not consider it bullying.
Because it is done by those in power.
I do not mean the pretty, “rule the school teens”. I am talking about parents, bosses, teachers. I have seen these groups of people bully just as much as children do, though for some reason they are never acknowledged for it.
The definition of bullying is “using superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.”
Now, picture this scene. A waiter, not the best of the bunch, but a worker that tries hard, messes up an order. After closing, the manager of the restaurant gathers all of the workers together. Then, in front of all of the others, he starts to tease the worker, picking on them and reprimanding them for their mistake in the order. He makes insulting jokes that made the waiters co-workers start to laugh. The waiter becomes ashamed, feeling dumb, hated, and useless.
This is a technique that many parents, teachers, bosses, and other people that someone looks up to or admires, use to teach lessons, to punish.
The problems: it is bullying and it doesn't work.
Bullying a student does not make them stride to work harder. Instead, it does the opposite.
Because they have been publicly humiliated, they become uncomfortable and embarrassed in front of others. Along with this, they feel like the teacher hates them and their work, so they will be afraid to try again, for fear that they will mess up again, and get humiliated all over again. So, instead of making the student try harder, it just makes them scared to try and learn.
An anonymous student states “When I was bullied by my teacher, it felt horrible. It made me embarrassed in front of my peers and it made me feel like the teacher totally HATED me. Then, I was too scared to try again because I thought that he/she would tease me again for trying.” This student then started doing worse in the class because they were too scared to try.
A parent yelling at their child in front of their friends is also useless. It just makes the child more upset with the parent, making them rebel even more, and it creates an awkwardness between the child and their friends, causing even more anger.
I am sure that many teachers who tease a student, or publicly shame them in class, or bosses and parents who do the same, do not realize that what they are doing isn't effective and is an act of bullying. That still doesn't make it any better or worse. We need to make everyone more aware of what is going on and it’s consequences so that we can then figure out ways we can stop it. Until then, I offer this advice. Before turning to bullying and public humiliation, try a different approach.
Talk to them personally: Find out what they need help with or why they are having trouble. Then work on it with them.
Don’t tease, just bring it up: If you think it will definitely help, bring up their problem with peers. Maybe discuss it with them. Don’t try to belittle the person who needs help, just make it seem as though the co-workers/peers are trying to help. Also, give them compliments that will show that you have not “lost all hope in them”.
Also, if you are a bystander, step up. Tell the teacher or boss or parent that what they are doing seems mean. Tell them that they are being bullies just as we are taught not to be. Maybe that will be the first time they realized it, and they will stop.
There are many solutions and ways to help, but to start them all, we need to acknowledge this new type of bullying.
Now, spread the word.
Start acknowledging.
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