People ask me all the time, “Are you OK?” Honestly, it’s hard to say, because there are always so many emotions going around. So many things that are happening. It’s hard to answer the question accurately, so wouldn’t it be easier to say ‘yes’? I’m the type of person with social issues. Autism, to be specific. It’s not exactly a bad thing, but it makes it harder for me to express emotions. It’s easier to say what you feel all at once because like most things, a sentence won’t sum it up. It’s easier to write things down. 

High school makes things harder because where I live, it’s considered ‘immature’ to own a diary. I’ve been bullied for that because I trusted the wrong people, and they decided that I shouldn’t have a peaceful life. Where I live, people with disabilities are treated differently, and treated as animals, because they’re different. After that, it became harder to trust people and to make friends. Even now, I only have a few friends, because it’s hard to trust people. The people I am friends with I try as hard as I can to hold on to them because I don’t know what I’d do without them. They’re my anchors. 

But back to the main topic. The people I am friends with will sometimes notice I’m upset. That in and of itself makes me even more upset. After all, I try my best to hide those feelings, because I don’t want other people to worry about me. But it can be so hard to explain that you can’t even ask the teacher for help, because you know you’ll be made fun of for it. I’m the ‘know-it-all’ kid. The ‘little miss goody two shoes’. I try not to be, but anxiety and worry drive me to do other things that kids my age consider ‘weird’, or ‘nerdy’. I read books. Wow, shocker. Last year, as a freshman at my old school, a group of kids stole my book and tore it up. People my age are supposed to have boyfriends and girlfriends or whatever, hang out at the mall or the skating rink, watch movies, and do other ‘normal’ teenage things. But . . . what even is normal? 

It’s hard to know how you feel, especially when you open up your phone and see things about what other people consider normal. Some people tease me because I don’t care about designer clothes, designer shoes, or designer purses. Why would I care about that? I care simply that it fits, and I’m thankful that I even have new clothes. When you look online, you see pictures of people wearing revealing clothes, or they’re at their summer vacation homes. Other times you see videos of people mocking what they call ‘bad’. People make fun of video games because they’re ‘bad’. But the people making them could really be trying their best, they could be looking for support from the community because they’re new to coding.

People like that are the reason I stopped writing, I stopped drawing. I stopped reading. I stopped being myself because I was different. I was learning. I needed advice and help on how to improve my work and myself. A friend taught me how to basically ignore those kinds of people, and thankfully, he’s still in my life, even though he’s on the other side of the planet. People like him are what inspired me to continue with what I enjoy! This is why I first became active on this site, even if most of it so far is just pictures of trees. But trees are freaking amazing, especially against a sunrise/sunset.

And I went off-topic again. Aight let’s just switch to the topic of school. Hopefully, I’ll be able to write a paragraph or two without switching again. School has been a hated thing by most people for years. Most people reading this probably hate school. I like school, hate chemistry. There’s a difference. Either way, people either go to school because they have to by law, or they go because they have plans for themselves. That’s what most teachers say. Most teachers ask me what my plans are for after high school, and once again, there’s no simple answer to that. Just because I’m a straight-A student doesn’t mean that I want to be some person working at NASA. It’s a cool concept, but I’d rather eat a brick than deal with algebra as a day-to-day job.

People say high school is where dreams come true. Dreams depend on the person. As a person with autism, I’m constantly teased, and told by peers (make note that these are the kids that skip classes to vape in the bathrooms) that I’m not going to get anywhere in life with honor roll, or being a good kid. That can’t stop me from, say, opening a bakery for people with disabilities and special needs to work, so they can work on being social. Downies and Brownies (please go look them up, they’re amazing!!) is the company that kind of inspired me to want something like that. Honestly, if you have enough determination, you can basically do anything. 

So my main point is, stay determined. Don’t let anyone talk you down from what your dreams are, no matter what. Don’t try to fit in, because the people that stick out, are the ones that bring change to this world. And no matter how bad things get, stay determined.