Just hit her back. Punch her. Kick her. Put her in her place. That is the societal norm for men who have been abused by a woman in relationships. People expect men to be the aggressors in relationships, forcing their significant other into doing things, and suffering the consequences if they do not. But it becomes different when the woman is the aggressor, and the man is more submissive. When a woman in a relationship is abusive toward her man, society turns a blind eye, which is unfair.

The double standard is insane. When a man reports that he is being assaulted by his wife or girlfriend, we naturally assume he is weak and cannot stand up for himself. But if it were the other way around, everyone would instantly believe the woman, and the man would be behind bars. 

I am not trying to discount anyone though. A majority of the time, the girl is telling the truth, but it is illogical to always believe that without actual reasoning to incriminate the suspect. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe physical, sexual, and/or manipulation by their partner. Based on these numbers, women are more frequently assaulted in relationships, but so are men at an alarming rate. We should not discount them just because abuse in men occurs less frequently than abuse in women.

As I aimlessly scroll through social media, I always seem to come across the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial. Depp is suing Heard, his ex-wife, for defamation of his name by saying she was a victim of his violence when according to several pieces of evidence, that is not true at all. Heard is guilty and we all know it, but she is manipulating the trial to make Depp look guilty because that is the norm of abuse. The girl ugly cries on the stand– even though there are literally zero tears coming out of her eyes–,  and the jury forgets about all of the substantial evidence against her.

It is scary to think that men’s lives and reputations can become ruined because of a lie. Depp unfairly lost tens of millions of dollars because of her, and he is the victim. In the Center for Prosecutor Integrity, author Rebecca Stewart explains that in over 20 million false cases of abuse, 62 percent of them were reported by women.

I personally do not know why this trial is still ongoing, considering the fact that her friends, colleagues, and family are against her. When men are wrongfully indicted, especially when there is little to no evidence to prove their innocence, their lives are practically ruined. They are most likely in prison, might have to register as a sex offender, and not able to obtain jobs to have an average life. 

It infuriates me to know that some women are doing this for personal gain. There are thousands– if not millions– of people worldwide who only wish to expose their partner, but some people are doing it as the abuser, and not as the victim. It invalidates women who have actual trauma and portrays them as liars or money-driven.

The notion that all men are violent can be derived from this too. We tend to set stereotypes for rumors we hear on social media, when a majority of the time, they are rumors people spread for views and likes. This causes men to be perceived as something they are not and ruins their livelihood. If someone had a toxic relationship with a man who was abusive, they might think that all men are that way, and look for any flaw in the man to spread that stereotype that all men are abusive and toxic.

Ladies, let us not make men the scapegoats for our own abuse. We should own up to our mistakes when we are at fault, especially when their livelihoods will be at stake. Men should not continue to become wrongfully indicted and have their names tarnished by a lie. The statistics are too staggering, too damaging to ignore. If this cycle continues, the percentages will be larger, the prisons will be overpopulated, and lives will be destroyed. 

Abuse is never one-sided. There is no such thing as “only women getting hurt.” It may happen to anyone at any time, and we should not pretend like one sex is always the suspect, and the other is always the perpetrator because that is not accurate or fair at all.

Work Cited

“Statistics About Domestic Violence.” National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, ncadv.org/STATISTICS. Accessed 13 May 2022.

Stewart, Rebecca. “Survey: Over 20 Million Have Been Falsely Accused of Abuse.” Center for Prosecutor Integrity, 17 Dec. 2020, www.prosecutorintegrity.org/pr/survey-over-20-million-have-been-falsely-accused-of-abuse.

“Expert Addresses Common Misconceptions About Men Who Experience Intimate Partner Violence.” George Mason University, www.gmu.edu/news/2022-04/expert-addresses-common-misconceptions-about-men-who-experience-intimate-partner. Accessed 13 May 2022.