Dear Friends, Family, and Others,

Thank you for your concern about my future. I really appreciate it. All I can ask for is people like you in my life who care so deeply about me that you take the time and effort to ask me about where I’m going to college. Now, I don’t mean to be rude, but there is something I would like to get off my chest.

You know how they say there is no such thing as a stupid question? They’re wrong. There is definitely such a thing as a stupid question. I’ve heard hundreds of them over the last three months. Questions like, “Where are you going to college?” when you know I have not applied to any schools yet would constitute a stupid question. I have no idea where I am going. I have not been accepted anywhere yet. In fact, I haven’t even applied to anywhere yet. So there is no way I could know where I am going. Where am I applying? Northwestern, Drexel, Washington University in—Oh you don’t want to let me finish my sentence? That’s okay too. I am perfectly fine listening to you tell me the twelve different schools I should go to even though you just asked me where I have applied. That’s cool too.

Yes, I am aware of the climate of Chicago. Yes, I know that USC is in Los Angeles. Oh, you don’t like Los Angeles? That’s so interesting. Maybe when you apply to college, you shouldn’t apply to USC because you don’t like Los Angeles. You’re grandfather was a benefactor at Drexel? No kidding. Who knew? You’ve never told me that engrossing, captivating story before. And yes sir, I will make sure to attend this school because your brother’s aunt’s cousin went there and had a great time there. 

Where am I going to college? Oh I’m thinking that I’ll go to the Colorado College of Mines. Oh, that’s not competitive enough? Maybe I’ll go to Stanford. Oh, that’s too competitive? You know what, you’re right. Maybe college isn’t for me. I’m just going to learn a trade. I’ll learn how to fix washing machines and that way, I’ll never have to go to college and answer all these stupid questions.

Speaking of stupid questions, if I hear another person ask me why I want to operate trains for a living, I’m going to slap them silly. Not that kind of engineer, dummy. And no sir, I’m not spending a year in Israel. I know it is the most life changing, incredible thing that anyone can ever do ever, but I’m just not going. Sorry for ruining your day. Unfortunately for you, this is my future not yours. But thank you for your concern.

Anyways, I wish I could talk longer but I really have to run. I’ve got like ten college essays to write, edit, and submit before midnight tonight. Have a great day, and again, thanks for your deep concern!

Sincerely,

Every High School Senior