Horror film satire. 

I'm a big horror film fan. My mom introduced it to me when I was little.I was terrified, and would hide under the blanket, my mom would laugh. 

Now that I'm older I have become a fan of the Horror culture, and knowledge that horror films introduce to me. However, I can’t help but wonder, why are people so dumb in these films? Like, what the actual f*ck? I'm not talking about the characters being cocky or bold. I'm talking about how they are being genuinely idiotic. 

First to start off, let's put any normal person in a horror film situation. Imagine being chased by a ghost or a murderer or whatever. What would you actually do? Run away as fast as you can to

A. where it is most convenient. 

Or 

B. a place that is best for your odds. A broken down ally or a public place like a restaurant or festival. 

Now one may be thinking, well some people don't have a choice late at night. Well, I’m here to tell you everyone has a choice. Instead of ducking into an isolated place to see if the masked man with a knife is trailing you,keep going to a public open place where one can get help.

For example in Scream they literally talked about what not to do, “ Don't leave the group, don't go in the basement, and don't say ‘be right back’ ”. then the characters proceed to completely trust each other and not have any questions as to whether ghost face is in the same room. If they were to step back and look at what's going on and what's the  most logical thing to do, they would be fine. Like yeah I don't think my life is super important. 

Another example would be in the movie Insidious. The main character goes into the sleep void thingy where he tries to retrieve his son. I was really rooting for the main character. He was doing so good. I thought to myself, maybe this is one where it doesn't go wrong. 

Then here comes the main character, 10 feet away from jumping back into his body, back to safety. But no. He had to check the window. He had to go looking for his past protagonist. Because he needed “closure” or something?? Maybe he just wanted to prove himself to literally no one. But then again the reason why there is a second Insidious, is because of the stupid ass decisions he made at the end of the movie. 

Another horror movie we will look at is my personal all time favorite. The classic Conjuring 2. The movie has some of the best acting, editing, animation and fill writing I have ever seen. But god the characters are stupid. At the start a little 8 year old girl sounded like a LITERAL DEMON. Like either this girl is possessed or she is the best death metal screamer ever. Like obviously this family is being traumatized but lets ignore it because we can. 

Then they have the audacity to just straight up leave. Thankfully someone stepped up and decided to help them. A little later in the movie the people who were helping the family actually got proof of the demon. They saw it, the crooked man. But they were not convinced. They thought it was, and i sh*t you not “mold hallucinations”. It only took them a total of two months to realize they messed up and had to come back to exercise the demon. Unbelievable. 

Lastly, I hate it when the director and the story writer don't work together. For example in most of the Harry Potter collection, readers will examine the movie from head to toe and realize that the writer has a way better vision for the movies but the director messes it up by not adding elements from the book or adding to many unnecessary events that don't lead up to anything. Sinister is  an amazing example of this, in the horror genre. In Sinister, the main character finds a box in the attic of their new home filled to the brim with old video tapes of the children who used to live in the house killing their parents. Side note not related to the current topic: It's a child. It's smaller than you. Just lock it in a room or something until the demon gets bored. It's not that hard, people. Anywho, in this movie we only see the antagonist for a total of about 30 seconds, the director provides no background to who the dude who literally looks like the winter soldier from marvel is. All we know is that this guy makes the kids kill their parents through a “please and thank you” because they also don't explain how he toys with them. 

I remember one scene where the kid watches the film with his parents and points out theJohn Wick from hell looking dude, as a friend. Like the kid knows him and has known him. And the parents just sit there and do nothing about that. 

Like at all. 

They say it's a “Phase” and move on. Like yeah, let's not worry about our child who apparently is communicating with demons regularly. Lastly about this movie, at the end, the demon comes out of a portal or something and picks up the kid who recently murdered his parents, (didn't see that coming did we?). Where did the portal come from, where did the dude come from? So I waited and waited to see the second movie, Where they didn’t even explain it. Now I haven't seen the most recent movie that was released in 2022 but I can guess what the plot was, the same exact story as the last two, with minimal information on the dude and with a different family being tormented.

So here is my list of what not to do if you find yourself in a horror movie.

Never go looking for danger, your life is so much more important then some random dude with a knife.
Don't make a second movie, remember to always make sure they are 100% gone
Don't call the police, you will just sound crazy and get put on a watch list
Leave. If something is bothering you at your house, why would you stay?
Keep the lights on. That's just an obvious one
If you see something out of whack, just leave it alone. No need to investigate.

Good luck