Dear new brothers and sisters,

I’m coming to you from a distant realm. At least, it seems distant for you. You have just been informed that you - only child you- are getting another sibling. There are thousands of thoughts, questions, and emotions coursing through your head. I have already braved this onslaught and made it through the first two years. I have survived sisterhood (so far) and am coming back to the land of the onlys to tell you how to survive it too.

There will be a lot of buildup
Your parents are going to be freaking out, crazy with excitement and fear and preparing for the baby at every turn. Don’t expect them to take you everywhere you want and obey your every whim and wish. They’ll be too busy getting ready. But, don’t think that they’ve forgotten you. You’ve been living the good life. You’ve been confined in the colorful world where you are the center of the universe and the only thing that matters. Well, now, you’re being busted out of that shell, whether you like it or not. Your parents are just really excited for the new baby, and sometimes they can get too caught up in the hubbub for you. My advice is: it is up to you to remind them that you need some attention as well. Try setting aside a special bonding day with each of them. Or, you can help with the baby prepping in your own unique way. This will show them that you care, and make them want to do more for you. This craziness will continue for the rest of your young life. I’ll admit, sometimes you’ll feel like they’ve forgotten you. But as long as you ask them nicely and don’t act like a little brat, it’ll all turn out okay in the end.

When the baby comes home, sleep will be scarce
First of all, the baby will wake up every 2 hours to be fed. This will naturally equal very tired parents. It might not affect you heavy sleepers, but the rest of you are going to have a few nights of tossing and turning. You may end up having to catch up on a lot of sleep on weekends.

Diaper changes are not exactly the bonding experience you thought they would be
You’ve surely heard the stories by now. You’ve been privy to all the moans and groans, all the teasing. “So, I’ve heard you’ve been assigned diaper duty!” an endearing uncle says jokingly, slugging you in the shoulder and winking. So, by now you understand the dreaded concept of a diaper change. But, you have your doubts. Is it really that bad? Is it really that smelly? Maybe it’s actually pretty fun, a chance to bond with your younger sibling and do something nice for your parents. I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. Diaper changes are not a thing of beauty. They are stinky, and wet, and all around gross. So, stay away from diaper changes. Luckily, your parents were joking when they gave you that pack of baby wipes for Christmas (hopefully).

That rock band you were planning to create in your basement… isn’t going to happen
Do you remember that time when you could make as much noise as you wanted in your house? Those days are over. You’re going to have to get used to being super quiet. If you are noisy and wake the napping baby, you’re pretty much a dead man. Your only choice is to sneak around like a mouse. If you’re an early riser, and you get up before the baby’s awake, you’re going to have to be super stealthy. Those early morning hours are the time when real fatigue has set in for your parents, and they don’t want that respite interrupted by the sound of you trying to turn on the toaster oven. Just be considerate and mindful, and maybe think twice before you try out your new megaphone.

But don’t expect the same in return
The new baby will be very, very loud. There are no two ways about it. When they’re hungry, they scream. When they’re tired, they scream. Basically, they scream a lot. My recommendation for you is to get noise cancellation headphones and sound proof your bedroom. Your only other option (for those of you who don’t have construction workers to put insulation in your walls at your beck and call) is toughing it out.

None of it matters
Now, I’ve just listed a bunch of things that don’t exactly seem like a walk in the park for you. But trust me on one thing. None of it matters. When the baby comes, you’re not going to care how loud they scream at two in the morning. (Well, you will a little, but it doesn’t sound good to complain.) You’re not going to mind how smelly that little diaper is (How does such a small thing pack such a big punch?). You’re not even going to get upset when your dad skips your soccer game for a breastfeeding class. Because the minute that baby walks into your life (and by walk, I mean is carried), all else goes out the window. You are going to love that baby with every ounce of your being, I guarantee that. For the first time ever, you have someone to share things with. You have someone to play with. You have a little kid in your life that will fill you up with more joy than you ever thought possible. I guarantee it. It might not happen the first time you see them, or it might take a few weeks, but that tiny bundle that you hold in your arms is going to become one of the most precious things in your life. You’re going to watch them as they smile, laugh, crawl, stand, walk, talk, and grow up. You’re going to help them along the way, and inevitably form an unbreakable bond. They will make your life better in millions of billions of ways. You may not see it now, but it’s going to be impossible to not love them with all of your heart. You have a connection, a connection that’s different than any other relationship. You are siblings. You may fight sometimes, and you may annoy each other, but that’s a small cost for a lifetime of benefits. They’ll have your back whenever you need it. They’ll never betray you. They’ll look up to you as a mentor and a friend. I know it might be hard to see it right now, but this will all come in time.

Getting a sister was the best thing that ever happened to me. Your sibling will make you a better person in so many ways. They’ll tire you out in a good way. They’ll make you want to devote all your time to their happiness; but that’s not a bad thing.

So my expectant friends, I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. Maybe there will be some days when you think you just can’t take it anymore. But having a sibling to confide in and love makes up for anything you have to go through. All I can say is, let your heart open. Throw away your inhibitions, and love that child like it’s your own. I know that it will be worth it. “Sibling relationships outlast marriages, survive the death of parents, resurface after quarrels that would sink any friendship,” says noted New York Times Writer Erica E. Goode. She’s right, you know. You and this new baby will have a bond that will last forever.

Sincerely,

The Big Sister