I don’t get relationships.  Whether they are friendships or love interests none of them make sense to me.  I can tell whether people are friends some of the time but usually I can’t figure out anything else.  Sometimes I wonder if I’ll be able to flirt or even if flirting applies to boys, because I have literally never seen it in progress unless it was from a movie.  Anything from any movie that isn’t a documentary I will never trust.  As for friends, it shows because even though I’m polite and positive until someone else ruins my day (that’s when bullies are born) I’m still not very good at overall communication.  If I know what that person likes to talk about then I become very talkative and interesting… I think.

That’s another thing, I can’t tell if someone is happy to have initiated a conversation with me or if they want to run away as soon as possible.  The clues people drop I’m not inclined to pick up on because I can only read an expression if I’m actually trying, like if I want to find something out or if I know that the person is worth my time.  So a random person I will have a very hard time reading their expressions and body language unless my brain decides “I suppose this persons conversation is worth our oh so precious two minutes!”  So it’s not that I can’t be social, it’s just that I just don’t want to for any evident reason.

I’m guessing once I do have a crush in high school that everyone will know it because I would nonstop pay attention to whatever they are doing at all times, and not in any healthy amount.  It can be thought of as a ration system that my brain thinks it needs.  It gives no one any of its precious time so that when someone or thing is deemed “worth while” my brain will exert all of its stores of social interaction and attention to either have fun with someone, learn something funny, write something like this, or manipulate someone into doing something for me.  Surprisingly I’ve proven very good at manipulation, because whenever I decide to manipulate someone I can use up my “nice person points” and charm that I seem to have to get them to do me a “favor.”

Once I’m a little bit more mature I’ll hopefully be able to actually communicate and converse freely with anyone but until then I’ll just have to hope my over sized smile will bring in the nice people and keep the jerks away.