This past Saturday my brother had his commencement ceremony for graduating high school. As we waited for what felt like hours in the stands, I talked a lot with my family about him moving away. JJ is going to Michigan- Dearborn to play lacrosse. I’m extremely excited for him, but I abhor the idea of him moving away. 

My brother and I are 16 months apart in age. JJ doesn’t remember life without me, and I don’t remember life without him. He has always been there for me, for anything I needed. We give each other hard times, but we know we still love each other. I will be sad when he isn’t in my corner helping me navigate life, with him experiencing the same problems and drama as I was just a couple of months before. But, as the graduation party gets set up and his room gets torn down, I remember the amazing times we have had together.

I remember the times when we were kids and he would tackle and tickle me—I hated it. I remember when he taught me fruits and colors on the floor of our old house. I remember playing water games in the pool with him. I remember going to his basketball and lacrosse games and thinking he was so good. I remember him coming to as many of my games as he could. I remember thinking when I saw him in the stands that I needed to play my best. I remember reading his letter when I was on my Confirmation retreat and the love I felt from that. I remember then asking him to be my Confirmation sponsor and helped me on my faith journey. My brother has been a role model for me from when I was a toddler to now. But as he leaves, I don’t want our relationship to change. Afraid. 

I am afraid that as JJ leaves our relationship will change. I’m afraid that he won’t call and text me. I’m afraid he will completely assimilate into the culture of Dearborn and forget about his family in Wisconsin. But what I’m more afraid of is that he will love Michigan and not want to come home.

I’m afraid JJ will love Michigan and Dearborn so much that he will want to stay when he has graduated, it’s selfish. Instead of being minutes away, he would be hours, it’s selfish. He will get new friends and not rely as much on me, it’s selfish. What if our relationship is never the same?

Our relationship probably won’t be the same. Not living in the same house will change a lot of things. There will be a new paradigm for us, and I don’t know what it will be. But, I know I will miss the one we have now and will be upset with myself that I didn’t cherish it more. Change. 

I have never been good with change, and this will be a great test of it. JJ will leave, he will make new friends, and he will have fun without you. I need to accept this and wish him the best of luck as he moves to a new culture. I need to be 

there for him when he needs it and share the excitement he has. 

I am extremely thrilled for JJ to start this new adventure, but I have had some stray negative thoughts. I anticipate the first day he calls, the first game, and when he first comes home, and the excitement I will share with him through it all. Go Blue! Go JJ!