I overheard one afternoon quite late into the spring
Two kindly older gentlemen fervently bickering,
For when it came to politics, the two were black and white;
Old Mr. Left could not agree at all with Mr. Right.

Said Mr. Right, “You know, I’ve come up with a thought, old man,
I think, without a doubt, you’re actually a Republican!
You don’t like taxes, always vote, have never burned a flag,
You don’t hug trees, and never were a know-nothing windbag!

“You’re neither a cheater, liar, nor a wussy pacifist,
You’re no minority or poor, no gay or terrorist.
You’re not a hippie-communist who’s dumber than a van.
Indeed, sir, I’m convinced that you are a Republican!”

Retorted Mr. Left, “You could not be more wrong at that,
For I am sure that you are actually a Democrat!
You don’t dislike diversity or First Amendment rights,
You’re not an oil billionaire, you don’t like useless fights!

“You’re not a rifle loony, you can’t stand polluting cars,
You’re generous to others, never fly the Stars and Bars,
You’re not an evil, hypocritical aristocrat.
Indeed, sir, I’m convinced that you must be a Democrat!”

Up to this point, I’d listened in with nothing but respect,
But now came my sole opportunity to interject.
“Kind sirs,” said I, “I’ve listened to what you’ve had to say,
And neither of you can be convinced the other way.

“However, hear me out, for though I know my shot is long,
I am convinced I can convince you that you both are wrong!
You both are mindful citizens who hold this country dear,
You both are neither rich nor poor, you both vote every year.

“You both argue because you wish America the best,
You proudly wear, but never boast, war medals on your chest,
You both love this great nation as you love your fellowman.
Why, sirs, I am convinced that you are both AMERICANS!”