What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of ‘catastrophic’? For me, this word brings up the most horrific, disastrous, ludicrous, and depressing object ever invented: the wooden pencil.

Every year 2 out of 10 students experience the phenomena known as “Dull Lead Harassment.” Students everywhere suffer from this due to dull lead from wooden pencils. While taking the inevitable steps over to the pencil sharpener, known as the Walk of Shame, the rest of the class laughs and taunts, “Dull Lead! Dull Lead!” This kind of harassment and bullying can lead to long-term depression. Stop the bullying.

Why do you think the Twilight series turned out so poorly? Wooden pencils are to blame. One night while starting to write the book, Stephenie Meyer sparked an ingenious idea for the plot, which would make the Twilight books the best series out there. But then, guess what happened. Her wooden pencil lead broke off and there was no sharpener in sight. She lost her revolutionary idea and you know the rest of the story. Stop the bad literature.

What is one of the leading causes of injuries? Perhaps you would guess guns, knives, or plastic packaging. Nope, wooden pencils are. Think about it. You snap it in half and you instantly have a wooden spear ready to shank someone. This wooden pencil violence recently appeared in Bigfork, Minnesota. A man identified as Tommy Tifton, has been charged with threatening local businesses with this newfound weapon. The owner of “Candy N Such” says, “I thought Tommy was just another hoodlum passing through my candy shop and next thing you know he was threatening to stab me with a wooden pencil if I didn’t give him some of the raspberry truffles.” Stop the madness.

It is scientifically proven fact that mechanical pencil users have better handwriting. Wooden pencils make writing vulnerable to smudging, inconsistency in size, and are hard to read, unlike the alternative: mechanical pencils. Wooden pencil users tend to fail their essays due to their unbearable handwriting that teachers won’t tolerate. Some schools have even started prohibiting the little wooden devils from the classroom. Another example is when writing an essay in a time crunch, such as for an AP exam, wooden pencils users typically have to sharpen their pencil during the test an average of 3 times accounting for 2 minutes of lost time. This time lose makes for a terrible essay and no college credit earned. These educational factors cause wooden pencil users to be unsuccessful in life and a shocking 7% go on to be serial killers. Stop the murderers.

I hate wooden pencils and most people agree with me. In 2013, the question, “Wooden or Mechanical Pencils?” was asked on a credible site: Yahoo Answers. 67% of users said they preferred mechanical pencils to wooden pencils. User Alexx says, “Mechanical, cuz everyone hates the person who gets up and has to sharpen their pencil for an hour when the class is dead silent.” Insightful user Trixi123 replies, “Wudden pencils are destroying trees. So I use mecanical.” From Yahoo Answers, wooden pencils have been proved to be a useless product. So it is unanimous. The world believes that wooden pencils should be done away with. Wooden pencils are purely pointless; pun intended. Stop the unnecessary product.
See what is caused as a result of wooden pencils! Stop the bullying, bad literature, madness, murderers, and unnecessary product. You know what this world really needs? I don’t know, but there is one thing I do know. This world does not need wooden pencils.