For the past seventeen years of my life, I have fallen a victim to the “protection” of my parents. No going to parties, no sleepovers, and absolutely zero fun. I believed it was a safety measure, but why did those same rules not apply to my older brother?

As the youngest child, and a girl, I was taught to stay home, cook and clean, and if I grew bored, find something new to clean. I cannot find a new hobby though, that requires going out and exploring. I should not be able to go out because another random girl on the news was kidnapped, right?

I have become used to saying “my mom said no” to my friends whenever I get invited to social outings, without asking her because I already know the answer. But do not worry, I always let them know I am “there” with a view on Snapchat, or a like on Instagram. 

Concerts are also non-negotiable because I remember the story my dad told me of the man who died from a stampede, yet my brother can call out from work to go to a Celtics game with the guys. He can leave at 5:00 pm to go see his “lil girlfriend” and come back past midnight without the bat of an eye. He can stay upstairs during Thanksgiving while the rest of us are slaving away in the kitchen.

Whenever I ask him what he does around the house, it is always “I work,” or, “I pay bills.” Sure, but what was your excuse for the last seventeen years of your life? Seventeen years were spent on a mattress and a PS4. Why didn’t he get in trouble for putting– and I kid you not– a whole Chef Boyardee can of ravioli in the microwave, almost blowing it up? But it is cool, men do not cook, so it is excusable when they almost kill us in the kitchen.

TheAtlantic.Com explains that girls spend double the amount of time cooking and cleaning than boys do. He was only taught how to mow the lawn twice a month in the spring and summer and shovel the driveway during winter, while I have been cleaning since I was seven. We have been living through a gender stereotype without realizing it. But I cannot blame my parents; they did not know any better. 

As Haitian immigrants, they were taught the same lessons. My mom always tells me how her five brothers always used to play soccer in the yard and watch TV in the living room, while she, the only daughter, used to cook and clean relentlessly. I also constantly hear my dad reminisce about how he used to play soccer with his friends and gather fresh coconuts and mangos to eat.

But what will I be able to say? I spent my childhood tapping against a glass screen out of boredom, rarely visiting beaches or movie theaters. I was held captive by the blue walls of my bedroom, staring out the window at the kids hanging out together. Only recently did it occur to me that I am suffering from my parent’s trauma.

The generations before me have never won this battle against the stereotype, and with a lack of knowledge to want more from themselves, my sister and I have also been victims of this cycle. It runs like a machine throughout all Haitian households. The girls have a common fate, while the boys have another. According to the American Psychological Association, Black parents emphasize the importance of cleanliness, obedience, and respect, rather than the importance of exploration and independence. Was it destined to be this way? 

Though I was deprived of so much in my life so far, I want to be the one to break the generational curse. I do not want my kids to experience what I have. They can go out with friends all they want (with slight restrictions), and make memorable experiences with them.

Parents, please do not deny your child the right to be a kid. Let them explore, learn, get hurt, and get back up again, that is how they grow properly.  Do not shelter them for protection, you are only hurting them by shielding them from the reality of life, especially when your reasonings are based on outdated gender stereotypes. Our childhood is a time to learn ourselves, we cannot do that if we are trapped because of your own mistakes.

Work Cited

Thomas, Anita. “Promoting Culturally Affirming Parenting in African-American Parents.” American Psychological Association, Apr. 2017, www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/newsletter/2017/04/african-american-parents.

Hill, Nancy. “The Cross African-American Parents Must Bear.” US News, 15 July 2016, www.usnews.com/opinion/articles/2016-07-15/how-can-african-american-parents-keep-their-children-safe-from-the-police.

Pinsker, Joe. “There’s a Clear Boy-Girl Housework Gap Among Teens.” The Atlantic, 19 Mar. 2019, www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/03/boy-girl-teen-housework-leisure/585241.