When walls can no longer hide your torture. When tears can no longer express your feelings. When your favorite ice cream no longer eases the pain inside of you. When your mind becomes a war zone. When voices in your head keep controlling you every single day. When your beautiful eyes lose their shine. When the tiniest string of hope is the only barrier between you and suicide. That is depression!

Depression is way far from being just a feeling, it is an illness. It makes your life bland, and it makes you lose yourself in the wonders of your overthinking, depressed head. Depression is confusing because you feel everything but nothing all at the same time. You forget how being happy feels like, how laughing until your belly aches feels like. You forget to live because you lost your purpose and with this loss, you lose everything. You lose feelings for the ones you love (your self included), you only laugh so that no one notices that you are not OK. So that no one knows that you always think of inhaling three expired pills to get rid of your pain, to get rid of yourself.

   Depression filters your thoughts and experiences to the terrible ones only. All you see is darkness, sadness, and a worthless reflection in the mirror. You spend days blaming yourself for things that are not your fault, imagining how your life could have been if you did this instead of that, were skinny instead of fat, smart instead of dumb. Then your demons take control over your life, body, mind... And you are not you anymore, you become the wonderland that's living inside of you. Your wonderland doesn’t care, it doesn’t care if you are surrounded by people who break you every single day, it doesn’t care if you stopped eating for days, it doesn’t care if you didn't sleep for a week. In fact, it never did!

DO YOU KNOW WHY?

It’s because your wonderland makes you believe that we will be considered weak, it seems like we don’t have a choice but to be superheroes, after all, we don’t need people. Who was there when you first thought of killing yourself, that’s right, NO ONE. Your friends and family are supposed to read your mind, even when you spend all your energy on wearing a happy face. That is what your wonderland makes you believe, that is what your mind makes you believe whenever it detects a strong feeling of hate and disgust towards yourself or every other person in your life.

 Although your friends and family are supposed to notice your depression just from your eyes, what if you have a toxic family?what if your friends are fake? What if you have amazing people in your life, but you are a great actor? The answer to these questions is easy; SUICIDE. 

Suicide seems like an elevator, a VIP trip to Restland when you are depressed. When you don’t see the light in your life anymore. When you pray every night not to wake up because you can’t deal with all this on your own, anymore. and even though deep down, we know that everyone struggles in this mazed life.it may be tiny, or devastating. That’s why I believe that depression either makes or breaks you. You either give up on yourself, and let your wonderland lead you to end your one and only LIFE, or you finally realize that you are dying alive. So you decide to make changes in your life based on that depression you just surrendered. 

  After days, and even years of recovering from that miserable state. You will realize that,  It all this time, you were a superhero, that depression was an opportunity for you to know your real ones, the true people in your life who hugged you, then told you it’s all going to be just fine? JUST RELAX and take deeper breaths, don’t worry I will still love you, care about you, and help you no matter what. It reveals who talked to you just because you have a certain body type, naturally blond hair, or even gorgeous eyes, and those who chose you for you, not because your a ¨good¨ student and get good grades, just because they think you are an awesome human being!

     If you are depressed, or just feeling a little down. it’s okay because emotions are what make us humans. just don’t hide it! cry even if you are not sure what you are crying about. Sometimes, we are exhausted from being strong for too long, from carrying all this weight on our shoulders. And, most importantly, do not worry about seeming weak to others, even superheroes have days where they feel stupid, and incapable of doing anything.

WHAT’S BROKEN WILL BE RESTORED, WHAT HURTS WILL HEAL, WHAT’S DYING WILL LIVE AGAIN IF YOU LET IT GO , IF YOU LET IT BE , IF YOU ACCEPT YOUR REALITY IF YOU STOP LYING TO YOURSELF IF YOU STOP LISTENING TO YOUR WONDERLAND.