I was flipping through the small detail-lacking children's book when I discovered the term that would explain so much for me and help mold my future. It was in 6th grade while doing a project that require in book research, and my topic was gender rights. I grabbed one of the cardboard covered books off the table in the back of the classroom and flipped it open as I sat down and to start reading. I quickly finished the book for it was less than ten pages and started reading through the dictionary for extra information. I recognized many of the terms such as Transgender, LGBTQ, bisexual, etc. when I came across one term I didn't know, Non-binary.

Ever since I was younger I never fit in with the girls or the pink and the dolls, and I never fit in with the boys and the camouflage and the trucks. I was always told that I was confused, or a tomboy, and just shoved back into the shell of the girl I was forced to be. I hated whenever I was called a gendered nickname but I couldn't do anything about it, until that book project. People tried to help me with what I was going through by telling me it was a phase but no one really understood, I couldn't really do anything but hide in the shell of the person society made me.

As soon as I found the term “Non-binary” I started my research, from websites to books to asking family friends who were part of the LGBTQ community. I made a packet of information I learned and went to my therapy appointment, like I did every other week, but this time it was difficult to focus on anything but the appointment. I walked in to the musty but sun lit room like normal and sat in the worn cushion chair in front of the tree sticker on the wall. As soon as my therapist and I were situated, I pulled up my packet and started talking and brainstorming ideas for coming out to my parents. After my hour appointment I walked back to the car with a anxious smile but a well thought planned. My mother and I got in the car and drove down the usual route quietly, until my mom looked at me and asked what was on my mind. I snapped back into reality and took a deep breathe then shakily I replied.

“Well, um Mom..I'm not a girl..or a boy…”

She stayed quiet for a few minutes, taking in what I said

“Well, what are you then?”

“Mom, I'm Non-binary, which is kinda like no gender, but all genders”

She pulled to the side on the road and pulled me into a hug then responded

“Well, your still my child and I want you to know I love you no matter what”.

After a week or so we soon got to work, I ordered my first binder, and eagerly waited by my phone for the little notification saying that it would be delivered. And even though my binder is very constricting, it felt like freedom, my parents still laugh when they think about the day my grey binder got it and walked out of my room crying and holding my shirt so tightly to make in lay on my chest to show how flat it looked. We also planned how I'd come out to my family and friends while my household was soon getting used to my new pronouns. there was a lot of slip ups with my pronouns and doubt that my family wouldn't be accepting, but anxiety is to be expected with something that big.

I soon discovered my chosen name while playing a game of Dungeons and dragons with one of my good friends. I still remember at the first break in our game my mom pulled my aside and brought up how she felt my birth name was too feminine and told me I could change it. I quickly shouted my characters name. Soon after my parents called my doctor and school to inform them of my name change which was surprisingly easy and I soon got a appointment to talk about medically transitioning. It feels like it all happened so fast but with all the wonderful memories I made with my family through this experience, I knew it couldn't have been.

Maybe someone reading this is going through something similar or feels the same way I do but doesn't know what to do, which I understand. For this has been a scary adventure, but I'm confident with the person I'm becoming, and this wait will definitely be rewarding. The road may be winding and rocky with experiences like these but I know that no matter what, there's always a bright ending, then a start to something better. I wanted to share my coming out experience because I know there are people like me out there and I hope they will realize they are not alone, and there is a light at the end of the road no matter how dark or endless it may seem. I'm happy to start shedding this shell of what society made me, and a lot of the fear and confusion I experience with my gender expression is because of society, and the people who won't give the chance to understand. But one day, reader, society will be accepting, and everyone can help speed up the wait, just one understanding person at a time.