Cast of Characters

Roger: 35 years old, salesman, Mr. Plim’s nephew. Oscar’s friend, despises Mr. Plim.

Marie: 38 years old, A dancer, flirtatious, secretly loves Oscar.

Madam Huntington: 68 years old, despises Oscar, is very headstrong.

Oscar: 34 years old, Roger’s friend.

Officer 1,2: 45 & 42 respectively.

Robert Plim(dead): 67 years old, Roger’s uncle, dead.

Place

Mr. Plim’s home, North Carolina

Time

Summer in 1920s America

Act 1

Scene 1

At rise: The lights are semi-dim. A  rectangular
desk sits center stage, littered with books and a candlestick on the corner. The candlestick is slightly bent. A bookshelf stands on stage right, facing diagonally inward at a 45 degree angle. A mirror of the same bookcase stands on stage left facing the other direction. A large area rug sits under the desk. Upstage is a brick fireplace, one brick dislodged. Prominently sitting in the chair at the desk is an unmoving man. He seems to have suffered a head trauma.

(Roger enters on stage left, followed by Marie, Madam Huntington, Oscar, officer 1, and officer 2, all of the clothing reflective of 1920s America)

ROGER

(Vehemently)

…And here we are! Before you ask again, no, I don’t know what happened.

MARIE

Oh, calm down Roger, it’s just the fuzz. (Flirtatiously)Evening Gentlemen.

OSCAR

(Timidly)

I remember coming in here first, Mr. Plim was already out, it was quite a shock.

ROGER

Oh, Oscar, why can’t you just be like you were a couple years ago? What happened to you? (leans in to Oscar) I know what could get you swinging like you used to…

OFFICER 1

Alright! Calm down! We haven’t come to a conclusion yet! Stop shouting your alibis!

OFFICER 2

Madam Huntington, you were the one to make the call, is that correct?

(Madam Huntington snaps back to attention, looking at Officer 2)

MADAM HUNTINGTON

Hm? Oh, yes. Oscar was too busy crying that “Poor Mr. Plim is dead!” I made the call. I had a little trouble working the telephone, it’s so much more complex than the telegraphs I had to deal with, unlike someone told me.

(pause)

You really are a wuss, Oscar. 

(Oscar nods)

There you are again, nodding your head to finish the conversation. You see, this is why we don’t talk anymore!

OFFICER 1

(Puts a hand out to calm Madam Huntington)

Alright, Madam Huntington, do you need to leave the room?

MADAM HUNTINGTON

(Annoyed)

Do I need to leave? No! I think the wuss needs to leave, he ain’t got a strong enough will for this situation, and you think I need to leave, boy? I’m done!

(Madam Huntington storms off stage left)

OFFICER 1

(to Officer 2)

You should probably go get her, she is still a suspect)

OFFICER 2

Yes sir.

(Officer two exits stage left after Madam Huntington)

OFFICER 1

Alright, now that that’s done with, Oscar, you said you found Mr. Plim, is that correct.

OSCAR

Y-yes. He was right where he is now. Well, I would have hoped he hadn’t moved if he really is dead.

OFFICER 1

Ok. Can anyone else confirm Oscar was the first person to see Mr. Plim dead?

Roger

(Shakes his head)

Can’t say I can. 

MADAM HUNTINGTON

(offstage)

Get your hands off of me, I’m innocent, I shouldn’t even be in there! I was in the kitchen!

(Officer 2 brings Madam Huntington back from stage left, holding her hands behind her back in a forceful way, Oscar takes a few steps over to a bookcase, inspecting some of Mr. Plim’s titles)

Hey! Ask them! Roger know I was in the kitchen talking to the chef to thank her for the wonderful diner she had prepared. Right Roger?

ROGER

Um… Yeah, I’m pretty sure you were in the kitchen while Marie and I were playing cards.

MARIE

(Nods)

Mm, yes, Roger is such a good shuffler. I don’t know how he always beats me in cribbage, but he does.

(Roger elbows her)

Ow! Yes, Madam Huntington told us both if we had any thoughts on the meal before she talked to the cook. I said the meat was a little too salty. (turns to Mr. Plim’s corpse) Sorry Bob, it’s true.

(Marie pulls a fan out of her dress and starts fanning her face)

Roger, hon, do you have a handkerchief I can use? I’m sweating like a dog in this heat.

ROGER

(Fiddles through his pockets)

Ah! (produces a handkerchief) Here.

(Marie wipes her face with the handkerchief, handing it back to Roger)

OSCAR

Wow! Mr. Plim put a board game on his bookshelf? That’s funny.

OFFICER 1

That seems irrelevant to the situation. Can everybody line up against the book case by the gentlemen?

(Madam Huntington, Roger, and Marie line up by the bookcase Oscar is at)

ROGER

(whispered to Oscar)

Hey, you wanna play later? That might raise your spirits!

(Marie smacks Roger across the face with her fan)

MARIE

(Exasperated)

You think this is funny? Bob is dead!

ROGER

(Incredulously)

Well, what do you want me to do about it? Use the forbidden art of necromancy and revive him?

OFFICER 2

Shut up!

(pause)

Good, now Ms. Marie, tell me what you’ve been doing since you arrived.

MARIE

Oh, there isn’t a need for me to be talking for hours about my wonderful night, I haven’t even been in Bob’s study today. Well, not until now. I assure you it was quite a shock when Oscar ran into the parlor panting, after a few seconds to compose himself he stuttered the news to us.

OSCAR

Y-yes, I remember the look on your face, (chuckles) you thought I was lying again.

MADAM HUNTINGTON

Hush, Oscar, the adults are thinking.

ROGER

And what does that make you? The old hag bumbling about “the good old days”?

MADAM HUNTINGTON

Young man, I was happy such a wizened woman like me was invited to this. It’s been a long time since I got to have a meal that good.

OFFICER 2

(To Roger)

Alright, we get it, you all are an argumentative bunch, but sir, have you been in or seen anyone go to Robert Plim’s study tonight?

ROGER

No… sir.

(Officer 1 shakes his head)

OFFICER 1

(to Officer 2)

This is going nowhere-

Madam Huntington

Now hold on just a minute, boy! You haven’t asked ME any questions yet!

Marie

Madam, this is serious, you can keep trying to relive your show days, but this is an investigation, not one of your plays! Weren’t you asking a few seconds ago that you were in the kitchen? That’s enough!

Madam Huntington

Oh, yeah! I was in the kitchen! Talking to the cook! Do you need to get her in here?

Officer 1

No, Ma’am, that’s fine.

(Roger points a finger at Madam huntington)

ROGER

Oh, I think we do! If she can’t confirm that your alibi is gone!

(Officer 1 face palms)

OFFICER 1

(to himself)

I can’t believe I accepted this.

OSCAR

Excuse me, I think p-perhaps we could-

Madam Huntington

Who gave you permission to speak, Oscar? You best keep your blabbing mouth shut, chatterbox!

OSCAR

(defeated)

May I use the restroom, officer?

OFFICER 1

Sure.

(to officer 2)

Make sure that’s all he does.

(OFFFICER 2 and OSCAR exit stage left)

MADAM HUNTINGTON

(relieved)

Oh thank god he’s gone!

OSCAR

(Offstage)

I h-heard that! 

MADAM HUNTINGTON

Well good! Maybe then you’ll figure out how dumb you are, I don’t care if you have a masters! You are incredibly stupid!

(pause)

Now, what were you saying?

OFFICER 1

(slowly and agitated)

Ma’am, Mr. Plim is dead, and you are arguing like a child. Can you please walk us through what happened?

MADAM HUNTINGTON

How about I just go grab cooky? She’ll prove I was there when that damned Oscar found Mr. Plim.

(Madam Huntington storms off left stage)

OFFICER 1

Ma’am! You can’t just leave!

(Officer 1 hurries after Madam Huntington, a pause occurs afterwards)

ROGER

(To Marie)

Do you want me to go get the cribbage board and cards?

MARIE

(Closes her fan and sets it next to Mr. Plim’s body before walking back a few steps) Eh, sure. I’d like to see if I get skunked this time or not.

(Roger smiles, walking out stage left)

MARIE

(while walking slowly towards Mr. Plim’s body)

Hey handsome, sorry you got a little bump on the noggin. (pats him on the cheek) (whispers) The meat was really salty though. Oh, and the balance of sweet to salty was horrible, I don’t know if I should be mad at you or cooky, but you really seemed to like it. I hope you talked to Roger about that thing that I mentioned earlier

(Marie walks over to the bookcase)

(Oscar suddenly hurries in from stage left)

OSCAR

I’m back! Where did everyone-

MARIE

(Yelps) Oh, Aha! It’s just you Oscar!

Oscar

Where did Roger go? 

MARIE

Oh, yes, he’s getting the cribbage board, I thought that officer was with you?

OSCAR

Oh, y-yes, I got a little turned around but apparently he got more turned around than me.(a beat, walks over to the mantle) Hey, look! A b-brick is out of place!

MARIE

And? This is an old house from what I’ve heard.

OSCAR

Yeah, m-maybe you’re right. What about the bent candlestick? L-looks pretty firm to bend on its own.

MARIE

Hm… maybe! Let me see it.(walks over to the candlestick on the desk and turns it over in her hands) Seems pretty heavy!

OSCAR

Could this be the m-m-m-m-

MARIE

Murder weapon?

(Oscar nods)

(Marie mimes swinging the candlestick like a bat taking Mr. Plim out)

Eh, maybe. Maybe.

OSCAR

Wow, t-that’s forensic stuff.

MARIE

Mm-hmm. Now, honey, how about we test the candlestick.

(Marie swings the candlestick and the lights go down for a split second, when they come up Oscar is dead on the floor)

Man, who knew candlesticks were so hefty!

(Marie sets the bent candlestick down pulls her fan out again, walking over to the bookcase and humming a tune, after a moment she exits stage left)

(MARIE)(offstage)

Oh! Hey, hon, I was just coming to see how the… cribbage board situation was going. I just finished a stop at the restroom, and I was hoping we could play now?

ROGER

Uh, yeah, that makes sense. Don’t know why you had to overexplain yourself but sure.(enters from stage left looking at Marie while holding the wooden cribbage board) Do you think we’ll have to move Mr. Plim to play- AHH! What happened to Oscar?

MARIE

Hard to say considering the officer was supposed to be with him. I was just talking to him when I left for the restroom! Do you think we should get Madam Huntington?

ROGER (sadly)

Oh no. I wouldn’t want to see how much she gloats to the officers while dancing on his corpse. (shivers) ah, no. We should probably find the officers though. Are you comfortable getting them? You were flirting with them almost immediately after they arrived.

MARIE

Yeah, sure. Hmph! Maybe I’ll flirt with Oscar’s corpse when I get back! (hurries off stage left)

(Roger walks over to the mantle and picks up the loose brick)

ROGER

You didn’t kill him too, did you? Poor Oscar…(walks over to his corpse and pulls off the cracked glasses on his face) Poor Oscar. You weren’t supposed to die, only… get unfortunately injured. Perhaps you would accidentally get maimed slightly, but your quality of life wouldn’t be too majorly detracted from!(beat) so not too bad, right?

(Marie enters back on stage left, followed by Officers 1, 2, and Madam Huntington)

MADAM HUNTINGTON

Now what’s happening-(sees Oscar dead) Aha! Yep, Officer’s I believe that I might as well be guilty, I don’t care about this dumb investigation anymore! Take me away!

OFFICER 1

Ma’am, are you admitting guilt?

MADAM HUNTINGTON

Well of course not! I’m just soooooo happy that that prick is ding dong dead!(starts dancing in a joyful way)

OFFICER 1

(suspiciously)

Alright.

Officer 2

(quietly to OFFICER 1

Do you belive that?

(OFFICER 1 shakes his head)

MARIE

Well, what now?

ROGER

One moment, Marie, were you with Oscar when he, y’know…(mimes death).

MARIE

W-well, of course not! I was… in the lady’s room.

ROGER

Uh huh, very convincing, do you want to try that again?

MARIE

Roger, I’m telling you… I’m telling all of you that I was in the gosh darn bathroom! How is that so hard to believe?

MADAM HUNTINGTON

That bathroom is tiny! I can’t believe that Mr. Plim even lasted this long with such a small tub! Mine is much larger and I’m not half as wealthy as that corpse.

MARIE

What? Did you take a bath at some point during this dinner? How about this: I think this study full of corpses isn’t very pleasant; So maybe you three(referencing Officers 1,2, and Madam Huntington) go head to the kitchen to clear Madam’s name with cooky… does that sound pleasant to you two coppers?

OFFICER 1

(sigh) alright ma’am, let’s go to the kitchen and make sure you are at the very least not a double murderer. C’mon, let’s go.

(Officer’s 1,2, and Madam Huntington exit stage left)

ROGER

Ok, let’s try this again, you killed Oscar, right?

MARIE

Perhaps, but you killed your uncle.

ROGER

Alright, now that is an accusation. Sure, me and uncle Bob haven’t always had a great relationship, yeah, he’s my mother’s brother, but I would never-

MARIE

Shut your mouth, Roger, you’re not helping your case.

ROGER

(yelling now)

Oh Shut up, Marie! I don’t care that we’re both murderers at this point! I’m trying to make sure I at the very least don’t go to jail!

MARIE

(yelling too)

Why would you murder your uncle?

ROGER

Who’s saying I did?

MARIE

(screaming)

You!

ROGER

I Was speaking hypothetically!

MARIE

(quieter now)

You better quiet down before the fuzz come back and try to arrest both of us.

ROGER

(slightly quieter but voice still raised)

Oh? So are you admitting to killing Oscar?

MARIE

(mocking Roger)

I was speaking hypothetically!

ROGER

Well now you’re acting like a child. Let me guess, it’s been so long that you’ve had unreciprocated (very quietly) feelings for Oscar?

MARIE

(scowling)

You cribbage-cheating bastard.

ROGER

(laughing, manically)

Your face every time you interacted, it was priceless, too bad he couldn’t see it through his glasses. (beat, Roger slowly stops laughing) And now look what you’ve done. (slightly louder) and of course I cheated at cribbage! How else do I win everytime? There’s nothing to do since I can’t go get a drink with Oscar! One, there isn’t a place to get a drink, and two, I can’t see the dumb smile on his face that came when he was finally drunk three or four… But he’s dead now! What was it? You joke him with your fat hands? No, you wouldn’t have the guts. Something quick was it? Aww, that look! I’m right!

MARIE

You’re insane! What happened to you?

ROGER

Sure I am! What’s your point?

MARIE

I thought you were like Bob.

ROGER

Well you should be happy about that. Bob has his own problems, he just loved to entertain.

MARIE

Bob was always nice-

ROGER

Ah, Not to my mother he wasn’t!

MARIE

Then I guess you are exactly like Bob.

ROGER

(crosses over back to the fireplace and grabs the bloody brick)

Say it again and I kill you! I’ll kill you!

MARIE

No, you won’t do it. You’re shaking. What is it?

ROGER

I am not kidding you.

MARIE

(with sweetness)

You’re just like your uncle Bob.

ROGER

(drops the brick with a thud, collapses to his knees and his eyes grow far away, with a shaky voice)

It’s true.

MARIE

Oh my.

ROGER

(with despair, crying)

(still on his knees crosses over to Oscar’s corpse)

Oscar! It’s just like what my mother said to me! She was right! (starts laughing hysterically) that’s right! She was always right! I knew she was right! He never hurt her, so why did I do this? Tell me, Oscar! Please! I need to know!

MARIE

Roger? (beat) Roger? (beat) Roger Plim?

(Roger looks up, he looks confused)

ROGER

Yes?

MARIE

Why’d you kill your uncle?

ROGER

I… I…

MARIE

Yes, that’s usually how to start.

ROGER

I don’t know.

MARIE

What?

ROGER

I don’t know! I don’t know why I did it! I don’t know!

MARIE

Wow.

ROGER

(like in a trance, stumbling around)

He was sitting in the chair, he had pulled me from the parlor, he…(moves across the room to the bookcase) he said he wanted to tell me something. I… I went with him, and when we got here, he went over to the bookcase and pulled out some cards. He said he just wanted to chat but as he dealt them out I… I… walked over to the mantle, the mortar was worn at this point so the brick came out easily. Then I readied, right on that bald spot in the back of his head. Then…

MARIE

You (mimes death) him.

ROGER

Yeah. I guess he wanted to apologize for what he did. 

MARIE

Mm-hm, yeah, I asked him to. He seemed nervous, and much older than most of the time. I never heard what he did though.

ROGER

It’s better that way.

MARIE

Or in Roger speak: “I want to say what he did but I need you to ask first.” Welp, what’d he do?

ROGER

I’ll just say he was a demon on a regular basis.

MARIE

Well, he’s dead now, so trash talking him isn’t going to make him feel bad, go into more detail if you want.

ROGER

No! He was a demon! A demon! That’s all! He’s better off dead! There isn’t much more to say than that. He was horrible, that’s it.(beat) wait, why are you being so calm about discussing murder? 

MARIE

Well, if your murder rampaging brain hasn’t figured it out yet, Oscar’s dead because of, drumroll please, me!

ROGER

And what? You nonchalantly murdered Oscar? This is a strange situation! We both happen to snap on the same night. Also, what was your plan? Murder Oscar with the coppers here?

MARIE

Fury waits for no opportunity! I’ll kill you too!

ROGER

Oh, thanks Socrates, I didn’t know that!

MARIE

(exasperated)

Just please shut your mouth. I’m so tired from all this yelling and murdering.

ROGER

Fine. Fine. I’ll shut up. Until the coppers come back and I’ll out you. You deserve the death penalty for killing Oscar.

(Suddenly, Officers 1 and 2 enter stage left, with Madam Huntington in handcuffs)

OFFICER 1

Well, hello sir and ma’am, it turns out that cooky outed Madam Huntington here. She’s been drinking and making her own alcohol. I suspect she also killed Mr. Plim and Oscar in a drunken stupor. You two, you’re free to go.

MADAM HUNTINGTON

(drunkenly)

I… I didn’t do it. Tell them, Roger. 

MARIE, ROGER

But… he(Marie)/she(Roger)

OFFICER 2

Did you here him? You’re free to go!

(Officers 1 and 2 usher Madam Huntington off stage left)

MARIE

(after a moment)

Well, that sorted itself out surprisingly easily.

ROGER

Yeah.

MARIE

Well, what now?

ROGER

I don’t know.

(there is a pause)

What do you think we should do? Kill cooky? She’s the only one left here.

MARIE

No, definitely not. Cooky doesnt’ deserve it, and that kitchen is pristine.

(another pause)

Any other ideas you psychopath?

ROGER

Umm… How about… a game of cribbage?

MARIE

Now that’s it! Let’s play a game! But, as long as you don’t cheat! 

ROGER

I’ve had enough of cheating. I already killed one person, I won’t kill you if I lose.

MARIE

(exhausted)

Well, it sounds like a plan. It’ll be a game of life and death.

(Marie grabs the cribbage board, she and Roger leave stage left.)

(Curtain)