this story kept me on the edge of my seat!!!!! you had a lot of repetitave word, but it was still a great story to read!!!

I think this is great! You have wonderful word choice, and a very original plotline that's intriguing and mysterious. I would try to slice it up a little more so it's easier to swallow. But other than that, I love it! Good luck with the rest of it! :)

It was pretty good, you have very good imagery and style. The storyline was interesting, intriguing, and captivating. However I do think you need to use commas and apostrophes MUCH more often, and this was good for a rough draft but not a final one. :)

This was awesome. you did a really good job with keeping the action moving and I want to read more. However, I would suggest that you reread it. You change from past tense to present tense at some points and I also caught some misused words throughout the piece, like in the third paragraph "new" should be "knew."

So I think this has a really intense and interesting story line. It reminds me of a mix of the new movei Red Riding Hood and the book Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater. The imagery is really great and I want to read more! My suggestions for change: you really need to re-look over everything because I caught some misued words (like "hear" for "here" and things line that). There is also a change tense or two. That could be fixed with just looking over it. Also, Red's first point of view has the world "blood" in it a lot-too much. Try describing the blood i words such as "haunting crimson" or "painful rivers" instead of just "blood" because it was way overused. In Rowan's part you change from one scene to another. Indicate that change not only with a new paragraph but maybe by spacing the paragraphs apart because it confused me. One second he was in a council with the villagers and the next he's outside.. Finally- unless you think of making Alex a really important character, I think you should leave his name out. Just referring to him as a doctor works well. Even if you do plan on making him an important character, do it later on when it's needed. When that happens you can be like, "that doctor from when I was first bit," or something of the sort. Otherwise, it's really good! I can't wait for more to come out! If you have the chance, please check out any of my work (preferably my newest Lady Leprechan). And don't feel hesitant to check out more than one piece! Please and thank you :)

I admit I didn't read all of it, but I did read most of it and I really like the fresh imagery your writing brings up. The voice is terrific and keeps the story real. I didn't notice too many grammar/spelling mistakes, which is good, although I did see some things that I believe could be eliminated with a little more careful proofreading. The beginning is definitely something that pulls the reader in, but this isn't my favorite genre so I thought you did pretty well since I kept reading :) Good luck and keep writing! Could you please check out my "Bride of the Nile" post under the Fiction Writing Workshop Forums? Thanks and good luck!