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War of Queens, part 1 of 3
December 8, 2011
Summary:
The world has been, for as long as anyone can remember, engulfed by the darkness of a dictator. And as equally long, there has been a group opposing him. Now, as ancient beings begin to stir far beneath the world's crust, the race for a weapon of ultimate power begins.
Alex S.
War of Queens, part 1 of 3
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This book has 5 comments.
WonTonFred1 SILVER said...
on Apr. 27 2013 at 4:00 pm
It's sorta like you tried to combine Dune, The way of Kings and Tolkien all into one. It doesn't work i'm sorry to say. Your grammer is impeccable, but the story and setting are hard to grasp. Elves and Dwarves are overused, if you wanted to make a truly interesting novel I would suggest you either get rid of them, make your own other creatures to add to them, or if at the last you can't get rid of the cliche, try to create a great magic system. I don't mean for this to be harsh, its just something that i've had to learn as well. You can't rely on what others have done if you want to be successful, you need to add your own imagination and point of view to the situation. One other small thing, really insignificant is the teleporting. One moment your characters atop a mighty spire that overlooks the area, and the next shes giving orders for the soldiers to retrieve her horses on the ground. It's just, weird... Once again, no offense meant, and if you want you can go ahead and criticize my stuff. I'm not saying im any better, im just saying you have room to improve. :D
DoctorWhoFan827347 SILVER said...
on Dec. 14 2011 at 5:09 pm
Cool, I can't wait for more!
TheTorchbearer said...
on Dec. 14 2011 at 5:01 pm
Thanks! Yeah. There was a small hiatus between writing the first chapters and the last chapters, so it gets a little fuzzy at times. Part 2 will give a ton more background information. :)
DoctorWhoFan827347 SILVER said...
on Dec. 14 2011 at 4:59 pm
This is a really good story! Some bits were hard to understand and might be better with more background information, but overall I enjoyed it.
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Favorite Quote:
Lego ergo sum (Latin—I read, therefore, I am)<br /> The pen is mightier than the sword—unknown<br /> Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity—1 Timothy 4:12