Chapter 1: Thoughts


Do you ever get the feeling that almost everyone in a room is staring at you? Try dealing with that for practically your whole entire life. That i guess is why i exist though. I mean it makes sense doesn't it? I always seem to take the spot light. Not that i actually really want it. People start to ignore the things that they would usually notice and focus on me. Me, me, me. But why? No one can seem to give me that one simple answer. Some say its charisma even though i doubt its that. Some say its for the way i look, and that seems more accurate but i'm not convinced of that either.

Walking to the bus stop to get to school, i get a few looks by most of the people i've known since elementary school. You would think they would have gotten used to the way i look but still, they in fact turn heads to look at me. Yay... the best place to go if you like about six hours of hell and torture mixed in together. I meet Jade there though.

"hey." The anxiety seems to trickle into my system as i see the run down old yellow bus pull down the road coming for us. The other kids swarm looking to get inside quickly as if they want to go to school or if they want to get run over. I am still never able to figure that out. Jade plays with my hair like always admiring it as i stand there waiting. I move on the bus now sitting right in front of Frank like always he stares off listening to his ipod as Jade sits next to him he seems to cheer up and talk now. She plays with his hair now, making small talk. But Jade is gay. A girlfriend for over a year now and yet it always seems as though shes with Frank. She leans on him, is close to him, messes his hair up. Everything. And its practically obvious he likes her. But its also none of my business. those are only my thoughts on the problem. Its best if i stay out of things and blend in. As much as i try, it never seems to work out like that though.

I play my ipod as loud as it will go, trying to drown out the voices that are and are not there. I'm not crazy if that's what your thinking. Although i do get that alot its not true. You could say though, that i have a slight... illness. Something that allows me to have a great ability but also the worst curse that i would not wish upon anyone. Well maybe a few but that's irrelevant. We move past buildings and trees fast on the bus. Stopping at an intersection i look over at my fathers house. The man who could never have been bothered to raise me. not even a simple birthday card. No, he was to interested in hooking up with other women. Never being able to settle down and take care of any of the eight children or so he has. I like to call him a male whore. He deserves the title for leaving me and my mother who had to try to raise me all herself, and then all the siblings i don't know and never will meet.

We pass it though and soon i am normal again, not burdened with him or the feelings that run through me whenever i must pass his place. But i know there is no other way for the bus route to go, so I deal once more. Now we pass an intersection and turn towards where the memorial pool is. I sigh as i watch the old scene. A man getting shot by another right there in the middle of the morning. But i don't live in a bad neighborhood and no one else can see what just happened but me. Unfortunately that little 'illness' i talked about before, is me seeing the dead. Cool right? You think i'm lying don't you? To be honest i wish i was lying and i wish it was cool but at times it really sucks. I've seen this exact scene since i was young so its not new. These ghost are recurring ones. Meaning that i get to see someone getting shot at this exact place, at this exact time each and every time. Other then that there isn't anything else that is nothing wrong with that spot. We go by. I see the man that's trying to mug the younger one for money. They fight. A gun gets pulled, my ears turn to fire from the gun shot that goes off right as it passes my window seat, despite my loud music. 'Of coarse it had to be a monday...' i thought.

The song changes to Adele's 'rolling in the deep.' A song that i just had to buy, my new obsession song. The bus pulls into the school. I see another transparent on the stairs of the place. A tip that you use, is never letting a ghost know that you can see them. My school has many ghosts. As long as they went there once they were alive they are allowed to travel back and haunt that place once they are dead. Some of them are of coarse trapped in one spot where they died but i also am not dead so i don't know how it all works. The only way i know how this much works out is in books, asking them myself, or when i wake up in the middle of the night the answers are just... there. Like when you want to say something, its right there on the tip of your tongue, but you cant get it out.

I walk off the bus not bothering to wait this time for Jade or Frank since they always get off last. Walking in the doors you see a few kids, spread out then down the hall there's the band nerds, then the drama kids, the barbie dolls, the preps, finally followed by the whores gathered around the jocks. Gotta love the whole 'labeling' things, huh? Sighing going through the doors i move into the small cafeteria (yes, we have two) and walk to see Sean who instantly hugs me and shouts "Skye!" I love my name and i put on a smile moving over now to see Ariel who again hugs me, then so does Tessa. I still keep the smile on my face as Frank and Jade walk into our 'little group.' i move sitting down next to my terrorist. Well, his name is Osman and he looks like one but he's not. "Born and raised in the USA." As he likes to say for the jokes people say to him. He doesn't mind though when i call him that.

And then my heart skips as Sam rounds the corner. I close my eyes and watch as he walks around the corner of the place, backpack on one shoulder, hair done perfectly in that messy curly way of his. He walks over and takes the seat next to me. I smile at him as he rests his head on the table, no doubt he'd been up all night just as i. He smiles back at me and lifts his head, he moves his arms around me and kisses my cheek. I smile again, something that i cant help but do once i'm with him.

"Hi." He says it simply as he looks at me and then pulls out a small velvet box. I gasp at it, a few things running through my mind that are more then likely impossible. "I told you i'd get you something in canada." He smiles and opens the box. Inside there a small pearl necklace, with silver gold and diamonds around the pearl to keep it there. I am lost at words, and feel almost like crying. Almost.

"Oh god Sam, its friggin' beautiful! Thank you so much, you shouldn't have." he put the box in my hand and shakes his head. I take it out and fidget with the clasp getting it around my neck. He moves and clips it for me since i'm mentally challenged with jewelry. I hug him once more and this time don't let go for a good amount of time, lost in thoughts. "Aww, look at the happy couple!" Jade shouts as she sits across from us with breakfast, followed by another "Aww!" from her girlfriend Ariel who she finally decides to be with instead of a lonely Noah sitting over a few seats away from us, his annoying metal playing loud in his ear drums. If you haven't guessed were known as the 'emo' or 'punk' group. And i don't care what were called as long as i'm with the people that for once i feel like i fit in with.

"Speaking of... we should hang out alot more. I mean outside of school..." i say closing my eyes only for a millisecond. This was probably not the best time to be talking to him about me and my home schooling but i knew that i had to. it was coming up fast.

"Sure. We always do don't we?" he asked and i knew that was a total lie. The only thing that kept me going to public school now, was him. But i just sigh and nod. What was i going to do about this? i had no freaking clue... but for now? The only thing i could really do was take it slow and then hopefully take it into something more.

A bell goes off making my ears ring again from the annoying close sound. Kids move fast down the small halls of the place and i move up to the second floor and to the right as i go through another door and down another hall, to finally reach my physics class. Taking out my things i sit next to Pei, a cute little japanese girl, who has the best hair i have ever scene.

"Hello, Skye." Alla speaks from Pei's other side. I smirk and say, "Hello cereal box."
She laughs and then Mr. Danaher walks in ringing the bell with one of his drum sticks. The room quits and soon i am almost falling asleep learning about how to time a persons velocity. Thankfully the announcer showing the morning announcements goes off and the class ends after a very boring 50 minutes. I walk over grab my bag, talk with the semi popular group that really is just Alla, Pei, Caitlin, and Angela. Once the other bell goes off, the same annoying ear screeching noise it means you have five minutes to get to your next class which just happens to be my favorite. Literature.

The day sweeps by fairly fast. The next i know i am in the hallway out side of the lunch room, in Sam's lap as he eats lunch and i eat my ice cream. Frank, Jade, and Osman are all around us as well, and eventually so does McKayla. "Wanna go into the auditorium?" I smile up at Sam as i ask the question. He smiles back, cleans up his mess, and soon we finish walking down the hall through the set of double doors to a stairwell and then through the back door into the auditorium. The place is pitch black except for a few stage lights and a boy sitting there playing the piano. I never learned his name, his hair that 80s styled afro but not as puffy, his skin the cute color of milk chocolate. I smile at him as he continues to play a soft melody and Logan moves his hand into mine as we sit down in the seats. I look around and thankfully i don't see any spirits here. For some reason the auditorium was always my favorite place in the school because it seemed least populated by spirits. Most of them were to busy hanging around there grand kids.

I hear the door open and McKayla walks in with Jared, and they 'claim' there is absolutely nothing going on between them. But i beg to differ and its always fun to bother them about it. "What are ya doing?" she says casually her pink peace signed bag slung over her shoulder. I sigh as the boy now leaves the auditorium leaving our little group of four there in the middle of the stage. We move behind a curtain that's a few feet apart from the wall and curtain itself so incase a student a teacher walks in no one can see us. Everyone drops there bags and sits down, telling jokes, stories, just having fun and feeling for once in my life some what normal. Somewhat. Its never that easy with me though, now is it? I sigh, get up and walk over in the dark, the path behind the curtain almost being a habit of mine and move over to the control panel and flip a switch turning on the stage light. Now that i can see i walk out and stop dead ignoring my two friends and boyfriends voice shouting for me to come back. But the only thing i'm interested in looking at is the young girl sitting in the back. Shes a blonde with a pink ribbon in her hair, a navy blue blouse and a polka dot black and pink puffy styled skirt. Shes weeping and i know its never good to stare but she mostly stays by the band rooms so i don't know her very well.

"Hey!" I jump but its only Sam coming up from behind me, whispering in my ear and it raises butterflies, sadly it also raises the girls head, looking over at us, her light make up running down her cheeks. I act normal facing away from her and wrapping my arms around Sam's neck.

"You don't know what real love is!" The ghost girl shouts and i roll my eyes laying my head on his shoulder. I feel exhausted and drained, and cant believe this is happening all over again. And my mother wonders why i'm in such a bad mood when i get home from school.