“Run.” My voice was hoarse with fright, barely a whisper. My knuckles, gripped tightly around the knife at Tynan’s throat, were white and trembling. 

“Please. I… I can’t do it. You need to hide, run away, go somewhere they’ll never find you. Trust me.” The plea tasted bitter on my lips. I could not be trusted, not by myself, not by anyone. I dropped the knife and released my hold on the shellshocked man. The knife seemed to slide in slow motion down through the air, barely grazing his exposed neck, and I saw a tiny drop of blood on the knife as it struck the stone floor with a hollow ring. Gasping, Tynan stumbled forward and ran out the door as I dropped to my knees. What had I almost done? I was supposed to kill him. The flickering torch, the only source of light in the cold, empty room caught my eye. The flame turned to blood and ran down my clothes, burning my skin as Tynan’s face materialized on the wall. 

I jolted up, desperately pulling at my clothes until I realized I was awake. As I sighed, the adrenaline drained out of my bones in a strange tingling sensation. This was the third time I dreamed about it this month. Four months ago, I was given a job. I’ve spent all fourteen years of my life in these caves, being trained and tested and shaped, and I should have been able to do it. I didn’t know Rhazien would make me an assassin until a week before the job, but what else was I supposed to do? I had a purpose, a potential, and I had to fulfill it. I had to be what they wanted me to be. My stomach roiled restlessly as I threw on a brown tunic and trousers, slipping my knife into the sheath on my belt. Today would likely be the same as every old day, and yet I couldn't shake the feeling that I would need to keep my knife extra close. 

The cold, sharp walls of the tunnel bared their stalactite teeth as I walked through the caverns. Even with the fires of the torches in their sconces, a brittle chill permeated the caves, and I shivered, goosebumps raising the hair on my arms.

“Hey Taz.” My heart jumped to my throat in fear before I mentally shoved it down. All I had to do was lie. Lie to his face, act like I wasn’t bothered. 

“Arturo.” I nodded towards him as he walked up to me, hoping he didn’t notice me trembling. 

“Well well. Little Taz looks all ready to fight. What a shame that he can’t,”  he sneered, jealousy and pride dripping from his voice. My blinking quickened as he kept speaking, “Ya know, you got the chance of a lifetime. The ol’ boss, Rhazien himself, coulda chosen me to be the assassin. He should have.” As he spoke, Arturo stalked closer to me, his bulky, muscled figure backing me into a corner. 

“Maybe I’m just better than you. Maybe that’s why I got picked.” I ventured, immediately regretting it when his hands shot out and gripped around my shoulders and collarbone, pressing me against the rough stone wall. I couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t I breathe? I felt my face drain of blood and I twitched, unable to even try to free myself. 

“He picked you. And yet you failed,” He looked me up and down, a predatory grin of victory etching itself across his face, “You may be a thin little roach, but you and I both know you could put up a good fight. But I’ve got you right where I want you. You won’t fight, you can’t fight, because you’re soft. Poor little Taz doesn’t even have the will to run. Coward.” As he spoke, his hands crept up my throat, tightening. 

“Such a powerless, fearful little waste of a knife. You had the audacity to take the job that should’ve been mine, but too much of a heart to carry it out.” He leaned into my ear as he spoke, and I could feel his breath on my cheek and the ice cold ring on his finger searing my skin. Suddenly, his hands were gone from my neck and I fell on my knees, looking up at his crooked smile. I scampered away and fled down a neighboring corridor. Breathing heavily, I turned another corner. Fear raced through my veins, and I longed to tear it out and hide it away until I could saunter through the halls like I was Rhazien himself. What would it take for me to snap? I heard footfalls, and before I could compose myself, Fiona came around the corner and saw me. A sigh escaped her lips, and she grabbed my arm, walking me down the hall until we came to one of the fighting rooms. Thankfully, no one else was in there, which didn’t surprise me. The caverns where I lived were full of little caves and rooms, all man made for the Echo. 

The Echo of Bukale was an organization of thieves, killers, spies, and other people of similar talents. I had been born into it, though I didn’t know who my parents were. Everyone learned to fight, they practiced, planned, and held meetings about some secret thing that I had not yet reached a high enough level of trust to know yet. I didn’t even know who Bukale was, other than ‘A powerful emperor who did great things.’ Rhazien was the leader, and he decided if people knew what the aim of the Echo even was. I was not one of those people. 

Most people here were gruff and cold and mean, and while Fiona fit that description perfectly, the eighteen-year old thief became a sort of mentor to me. 

“You let Arturo hurt you again,” she said, not even looking at me as she began cleaning off one of her knives. “I told you, you are either the one in power here, or you’re stepped on. You grew up here. How do you still not get that violence is the only language in this place?”

“It doesn’t feel right,” I said quietly. Fiona heaved an exasperated sigh and faced me head on, the fire in her eyes matching her short, intense red hair. 

“You think there’s a right? A wrong? There isn’t, and you will not make it if you think that. And that little bit of honesty you just showed there was crap. Don’t let anyone catch you being honest, or they will take advantage of it.” 

“You sound like Rhazien.” 

“Rhazien will take advantage of you, and so will everyone else. I am telling you this so that no one can.” 

“I know what I’m doing.”

“Don’t lie to me!”

“You told me to!” I snapped back, feeling some angry piece of me unlocking. 

“Don’t lie to me like a little schoolboy who got caught. Make it believable!” 

“Believable?” I asked, taking a step forward, “You have no idea the lies I have told!” Fiona raised her eyebrows, watching the fire that so quickly consumed me die away as I took slow, panting breaths. Her expression was hard to read. Sympathy, pride, or maybe resignation passed across her face. I had always been good at reading people’s emotions, but Fiona never failed to confuse me. 

“There’s a good lad,” she said, as her expression returned to its ordinary glare, “Add some more of that fierceness, and you’ll do much better.” She retrieved one of the many knives from her belt, dropped it into my hands, and walked out. 

I stared at the wooden dummy, holding the knife in my hand. 

Don’t lie to me.

Don’t lie to me, boy!

“Don’t lie to me, boy!” Rhazien yelled, four months ago. I hid my hands behind my back. 

“I swear I did it sir. I killed him.” As I said this, Rhazien’s powerful figure stood up, looming over me and my bloodless hands. The walls of his office, smoother than the rest of the stone in the caves, pressed in on me. The taxidermied birds and dust coated bottles on the shelf behind him seemed to stare at me. 

“I do not like to be disobeyed.” His voice, quiet yet piercing, filled the chamber and rang in my ears, “You are not ready. Be glad to still be alive.” 

Everything after that had been a blur. He locked me in my room for a month, food delivered twice a day. The months following that, everyone seemed to sneer at me as they walked by. I hadn’t been allowed to leave the caves since then, when usually I could go out and spy or visit a tavern once a week. Instead, I consumed my days with training, combat practice, and reading what small selection of books I could find within the seemingly endless caverns.

“Taz!” A face materialized in front of me as it jolted back to the present. It was Markus, who always acted surprisingly nice for someone who was a little too excited by bloodshed. 

“Taz, Rhazien wants to see you. They told me to tell you to go to him immediately.” His face was taut, trying to conceal his curiosity about what would happen to me. I nodded silently, and left the room, keeping my steps steady. Maybe he would kick me out. I could find some place to work, and live like a normal person, basking in the sunlight everyday and not having to worry about being someone I wasn’t. Someone I was afraid of being, despite it being the only thing I'd ever known. But how could I prove myself if I didn’t do what I had to? Centering myself, I opened the heavy wooden door and entered the room, ignoring the memories that plagued me. As I stood there in front of the desk, Rhazien looked up. 

“Taz.”

“Sir.” 

“Not many people are graced with a second chance. Nonetheless, your impeccable stealth is necessary. If you want status, if you want survival, you will follow orders. You may have received the same training as everyone else, but your only option is to be an assassin. If you defy me, rest assured that it will be the last thing you do.” Rhazien commented, his voice even but his face hard and glaring. He slid a parchment across the desk, “Kill this man. Your horse is ready, and you leave immediately.” 

“I-”

“Do you hear me?” He slammed a knife into the table, eyes ablaze. I flinched, and I heard a sigh of disdain escape his lips at my show of weakness. I nodded quickly and left, paper in my hand and ice in my stomach. 

This was it. Now or never. Kill or be killed. Fight or flight. And I would fight. I didn’t have the option, the luxury to contemplate what I was about to do, what it meant. Second thoughts would be my undoing. As I looked over the paper, I locked my brain onto the goal. 

The man was a duke named Evander Whitlock, and he lived on a coastline town. He was currently on a boat that was to depart at sunset to the kingdom of Ilda, in the western continent and far beyond the reaches of Rhazien’s power. The papers said that he took a nap for about an hour before going to dinner each night, which would be the perfect time to strike, as long as I could get there fast enough.     

Sunlight warmed my cold, pale skin as I stepped out of the caves for the first time in months and made my way down the hill to the stables. As I hopped onto my horse, Ecru, I could feel my breathing getting quick and shallow. I took a few deep breaths and tried to pay attention to the scenery as we sped along the road through the woods. 

Gray clouds quickly began to roll in from the east, and I could taste the dry, earthy air of the forest. Aspens and oaks had all been stripped bare of their leaves by the early winter chill that  swept through the kingdom, leaving a brittle, hollow feeling in my core. Soon, however, the sights all became the same. I was so wrapped up with trying to notice everything that I noticed nothing, but at least it kept my brain occupied. 

Was this time going to be any different from last time? Did I want it to be? I-

No. 

No, I was not going to obsess over this like a coward. 

I glanced at the gates of the city that had so quickly arrived, lifted my chin, and walked in, leaving my horse at a nearby stable. Haphazard buildings piled atop one another, the wood and stone weathered from the long years of ocean and storm they had been exposed to. Crowds of people flocked about, hardly noticing anything but whatever little problem they were currently wrapped up in. As I watched the ordinary people going about their lives, I mimicked their posture and expression, walking comfortably but quickly through the dusty streets and closely packed shops. The sun was slipping dangerously lower in the sky, and I turned past a small store with a broken window that released the screeches and tweets of a large assortment of birds in various cages. I looked past the building, knowing I would have to cut through the alleys if I wanted to get there on time. Down the alley, a shadow loomed over me from the tall shop, and the walls muffled the sound of the bustling townspeople. I heard a rustling behind me, as if I was being followed. Before I had time to think, fear and instinct kicked in and I found myself turned around with my hand outstretched. My knife landed in something with a thump. Alarmed, I squinted in the shadows. It was just an escaped dove from the shop. I felt bad for killing it, but at least I was safe. I retrieved my knife, trying to avoid looking at the poor bird as I wiped off the blood. 

As I exited the alley, I could see the port, water lit up by the sun that sat only an hour away from the horizon. A massive ship awaited in the water, her deep brown boards sanded perfectly and shining in the evening sunlight. Across the harbour, delivery boys hauled trunks and barrels down to the ship, and I saw that one boy left his cap and cloak on a nearby crate. This would be easy. 

I slipped between the shouting and bustling people, pulled the cap low over my eyes, grabbed the crate, and followed the rest of the servants into the ship, keeping a meek and shuffling posture, as if I felt scared of getting yelled at. It was too familiar a posture, but after this, once I officially became an assassin, I wouldn’t have to be like that again. The boys quickly exited, but I stayed in the storage chamber, looking around for a door. I snatched a scroll from off one of the barrels and started winding through the levels of the enormous ship, as if I carried a message. It was a surprisingly large ship for how small a town it was visiting, with long corridors and well-kept rooms, all belowdecks. It was one of the ships used to carry nobles and wealthy merchants from one continent to another, using the same route trade ships used. 

The duke was rich, and would have paid extra for somewhere to be able to nap, which would likely be near the back of the ship. Armed with this information, I rushed about the ship, double checking the vague but helpful mental map I made for myself.

Energetic crew members and uppity lords dashed through the halls, paying me little mind as I kept up my search, finally reaching the hall of private rooms. I looked around the corner into the hall, and sure enough, the rich little duke had hired a guard, who paced up and down the hall, glancing at one of the doors more often than the other. At least he gave me the location of my target. I picked at my fingernails, trying to figure out how to get the guard out of the way without causing a commotion that would draw any attention. Maybe this wouldn’t actually be too hard. I backed up a bit, then ran out into the hall, skidding to a stop in front of the guard, conjuring a meek and fearful expression. 

“Sir! Sir! There’s been an attack on the harbor! They said you’re supposed to go help hold them off.” I wrung my hands anxiously, glancing behind me as if I was afraid. The guard snapped to attention and looked down the hall.

“What’s happened? Who’s attacking?”

“I don’t know sir. I hardly saw a thing. They just told all us delivery boys to gather as many guards and people who can fight as possible, so I ran off before I could get a good look.” He gripped the handle of his sword and dashed down the hall towards the exit. I followed doggedly behind him. 

“You don’t think they’ll take over the ship, do you? People on the ship don’t know what’s going on, and what if they get attacked and everyone panics and no one can escape? I think-”

“Stop prattling on and go find more guards!” He huffed, annoyed. 

“Sorry sir!” I said, turning and going back into the hallway he had just abandoned, a smug smile breaking across my lips as I pulled out my knife and strode to the door. 

Peering through the little window in the door at the sleeping man, I could tell he matched the sketch Rhazien gave me. The door opened silently and, double checking that no one was around or could see me, I crept in, my heart beating enough for the both of us. As I raised my knife, my hand stopped midway. 

Wait. 

I was already on this boat. I could stay and let it take me to Ilda, to a new life. I didn’t have to do this. As the realization hit me, thousands of thoughts flooded my brain, all screeching and fighting at once, trying to convince me before I ran out of time and the guard got back. 

“Coward!"

If I leave, will I always be so fearful?

“You are either the one in power, or you’re stepped on.”

This is the only way to gain power!

But I never wanted this

My knuckles were white, my fingers trembled. The room spun, and I could have sworn I saw the torch from my dream appear, turn to blood, blur, and then disappear. 

What choice do I make? 

What choice do I have?

Sunlight

Caves   

Power

Silence. 

I left the room.

But he was dead before I shut the door. 

* * *

I stood on the empty port, waiting until the sun completely sank below the horizon as the ship left, taking the last light of the dying sun with it.. I wiped the last of the blood off my blade and turned around, reentering the now shadow-shrouded city. The fires in the torches that lit the streets seemed cold, the streets appearing even more decrepit than before, and I was suddenly swallowed by an overwhelming desire to leave, to just get back to the caves. 

The ride back was uneventful, although Ecru seemed tired, and as I entered the caverns, my shoulders held taller as I walked, and I didn’t flinch at the glares of irritable thieves who passed me. I glared back. I walked to the western training room, which Fiona claimed for the evening, as always. She turned around, sword in hand, and looked at me.

“So you did it.” She said, and I nodded. “Good.”

“The knife you let me borrow-” I held it out to her, hilt first. “-You can have it back.”

“Keep it.” Guarded and unreadable, she searched my face, “You do realize that this will be your job now, that you’ll have to keep doing it, right?” A shuddering breath escaped my lips, and Fiona narrowed her eyes as I quickly composed myself. I could not slip up again. 

“Of course I know.”

“Then go tell Rahzien that the job is done. Tomorrow, I’ll teach you some new techniques,” She said, pausing before she added, “and I’ve got a book for you. I’ll bring it tomorrow.” 

Books. A welcome escape. I nodded, my small smile feeling foreign on my face. 

I left the room, striding through the halls when I heard footsteps that were attempting to be silent, but failing miserably. I spun around to meet Arturo, his fists balled and positively seething. He tried to punch me, but I dodged and threw a punch of my own. He hurtled into me, trying to throw me to the ground, but I righted myself. I ignored the throbbing in my head from where it momentarily scraped against the wall, and landed a punch to his jaw. Right as he grabbed me, I seized his arm, twisted him around, and cornered him. With one hand, I held his arm behind his back in a position where I could break it if I wanted, and with the other hand I held a knife to his throat. A thrilling rush of adrenaline coursed through my veins. It felt good to win a fight.

"I'm not gonna put up with you anymore," I growled in his ear, my heart beating angrily despite the addicting taste of victory. "You want to know why they didn't give you the job? Because I do it better. I don't care if I have to cut off your hands, you will not touch me. Ever." He struggled against me, attempting to get out, and I nicked his cheek with the knife. A warning. 

"You hear me?" He grunted in assent. I let go of him and he turned to look at me, not fearful, but with a new air of respect and wariness. He waited only a moment before stalking away. 

How had I gone from flinching at the sight of him to being the one in command? All of it seemed so fast. Well, however it happened, it felt good. 

I continued to Rhazien's office, keeping my face emotionless as the door opened and he looked up at me, dangerous and intense. He raised his eyebrows expectantly and I nodded. My voice echoed off the cold walls of his office as I voiced my decision, unable to turn back now.  

“I'll be your assassin.”