I was in my garage listening to the Fat Boys Human Beatbox. I was attempting replicate the noise “UHA UHA UHA UHA”. Although, there was one thing I didn’t know.  That sound was about to summon a demon.  Out of the small carpet, fire was set.  Horns began to slowly emerge from the cheap rag. A few minutes later, a full body of a demon, head, legs, tail, jeans, and a duster.  He was all red and when he spoke made a horrible noise like,  “Hey, how’s it going?”
I had to say something I guess,  “Umm… fine”.
He spoke again,  “I’m your guardian demon and your fat boys summoned me.”  At this second I knew I had done something incredible, I had summoned a demon.  I don't really know what religion this was; he was very generic.  It struck me as something bad at the time I was kind of freaked out but it was nice to know I had a guardian demon.  He seemed like a cool guy.
“Hey man, I just heard you listening to the Fat Boys and lemme tell you the Dark Lord loves that stuff.”  That was worrying
“Um ok, that’s nice.”  “Anyway I have to go by tonight but I just wanted to -” SLAM.  The portal was gone and he had the most terrified look on his face. 
“Oh no”, he pulled out his phone and frantically dialed 666.  Unfortunately his phone rarely worked in the overworld and the dark lord probably had a lot of flesh eating crows to buy.   I told him, “uh, y-you can stay here tonight”.
“Alright thanks i guess” said the demon, pretty nonchalantly actually.  At this moment I realized he may burn a hole in my couch.  “I guess i’ll show you the city and you may need something to eat.”  He then started using this really weird British arrogant voice and said,
“I don't know if human nourishment can make me any less hungry than I currently am.”  “Let’s start at the bottom then, i’ll just bring you to Mcdonalds.”  We walked over (he kind of hovered) and i showed him a Big Mac.  Immediately his tone changed from
“Lowly peasant” to “OH MY GOD WHY DOESN’T THE UNDERWORLD HAVE THIS KIND OF STUFF”.  Needless to say i have never seen anyone eat any food so fast.  He then took on his true demon form, which was a mess of tendrils, fire and whatever else is in underworld soup, went over to the counter and said, “GIMME YOUR FOOD, MORTAL OR YOUR PATHETIC SOUL GOES TO THE UNDERWORLD ALONG WITH PATRICK STEWART!”     
The look on that random Mcdonald’s cashier’s face was unlike anything else.  It looked like confused terror, as if someone had just been beaten to death with a rubber head in front of his face.  It was like a violent roblox communist rally had just happened while he walked out of his door.  He handed over 20 Big Macs and 300 dollars from the register. He attempted to speak but it just came out as, “d-d-d-d uh.. hi.”  The employee then ran out screaming and falling over in terror.  The restaurant completely froze.  Nobody moved, nobody spoke, absolute silence.  The demon walked over to the table and just acted cool.  Maybe he thought that’s just how people act or maybe he knew the he was the most horrid force on the planet, either way I immediately suggested we leave before the cops think I’m the accomplice of a demon Mcdonald’s heister.  As I frantically ran out of there he just stared at me and began floating my way.  Getting into a nice alleyway, I finally stopped and began panting like a dog who was assigned to be a chariot horse.  Suddenly a shadow began to emerge from the dark alleyway, “Ayyy you wanna buy a watch?!” Some creepy guy with a big coat was standing there with a pretty crazy look, his eyes in completely different directions.  He then opened up his coat, covered top to bottom with digital and stopwatches.  It was actually very impressive to see that many watches on one coat.  Then two things happened, I heard I DON'T WANT A WATCH, and I saw something blazing red fly past my head.  The previously hyper crazy guy was now lying cold on the floor.
“GOT EM”, said the demon.  I sputtered my words just saying, “w-WHAT THE -” 
“He was obviously trying to enslave us and send us off to Patrick Stewart’s M&Ms plantation!”. I have no idea how he knows who Patrick Stewart is but it’s the only person he has ever mentioned by name, not just now but any time he has never said like, you’re going to  the underworld with Nickelback.
I just had to ask him why he would ever think that but the only way he felt like responding was,  “He just is.”  There was probably no way to get out of this one except putting the body of the watch guy in the dumpster, so that’s exactly what we did.  I decided we should probably just go back home so the walk began. 
After around five minutes of walking, a police officer approached in his car and asked, “Have you seen this man?”  He held up a picture of the crazy watch guy, “He was a suspected criminal but now we found him dead in a dumpster”.  My face turned white, his just stayed that same shade of bold red.
  I didn’t know what to say so I just gave kind of a confused look when out of absolutely nowhere, the demon said “yeah I did that, he tried to abduct me and send me off to an M&M plantation.”  I didn’t know what to think, he actually just told a police officer that he killed someone.  I then took him and bolted out of there.  In another alleyway I had to explain to him that you shouldn’t tell cops that you killed someone.  I could tell he was pretending to understand what he was saying because I assume in the underworld it’s pretty much just fire and dead people.  He then asked me about stromboli.  That is correct, stromboli.  Once again I just thought maybe in the underworld they talk about stromboli a lot.  I was then forced into a conversation about stromboli, how to cook it, what the best topping was, what meat to use, what color of sauce was the best.  Finally I was able to escape from the stromboli filled conversation by saying something about impaling the dead with death crows.
“Well, actually, the real flesh eating crows you need are gumbo brand because they have sharper beaks and better liver ripping abilities.  You also need to take into account how far they can fly and how fast so you can de-liver as many sinners as possible with one crow, and how many livers it can hold in it’s beak.  If you have a three liver bird that won’t be enough to hit evil man and the fascist art teacher.” It was pretty terrifying to think that this guy i was talking to was friends with the dark lord and that he would be talking to me about ordering the liver eating crows for the underworld.  That night I got pretty terrible sleep because of the sound of burning mattress and his ungodly (get it?) snoring.  As I woke up, my couch had a demon shaped hole in it and a pounding headache worse than any i have had before.
“Uh demon guy I have a horrible headache is there any way you can quie-”
“Oh uh sorry I still have my snoring set to migraine inducing.” Well that was just great I now was probably going to have a migraine for the day and I am once again stuck with a demon on earth.  We went outside again and he started going UHA UHA UHA UHA UHA UHA.  Suddenly out of nowhere I saw a bright person walking down the road and mr demon went from earth is fine to KILL KILL KILL! He ran/flew over to the guy and began to punch him when his hand was stopped and the man said
“Hello my son, I am sorry that you have sinned I just wanted to s-”
“SHUT UP!”  He threw a useless punch at the holy being but it was stopped in mid-air.  He grew redder and started speaking some language I didn’t understand.  It sounded like when you play someone talking backwards.  I later discovered he was singing Jake Paul's it’s everyday bro backwards, the worst curse in the underworld, but even that couldn’t hurt the being.
“Jake was just turned around in his life”,
“NO HE WASN’T THIS IS THE WORST SONG EVER PRODUCED IN THE WORLD, THE LORD ISN’T WATCHING RIGHT NOW JUST SAY WHAT YOU THINK!”
“Ok, to be honest I think Jake Paul’s music is pretty terrible, but it’s my job to forgive and let people into the wondrous afterlife even if they have been hurt or have sinned. I might just slip Jake over to you though, if he shows up outside the fiery gates just tell the dark master it’s from the lord.”
I had no idea that a holy being could just be walking around and I was thunderstruck when he was just having a casual conversation with a demon.  It was one of the most shocking things about knowing a demon.