Once we woke up out cook Emily was yelling at us for something unintelligible.  I wake up in a half there half not kind of way so I couldn’t understand what she was saying very well and all I really heard was “HE HAY HOO WEWO FEELOO CHAMARATHOOGIE!”  She actually said, “There are pirates on the satellite!”  Nicklas heard her luckily and kindly punched me in the face to get me up!  I thanked him and we went to the hangar door to scout for the thieves. 
Although it may sound like a case of we stole it first so therefore you are worse than me, and it totally is!  The previous owners of that satellite were the Florans and Ctulhu killed them off (Ctulhu [Cath-ool-oo] is a divine super-intelligent massive squid-head devourer of races)!  So we just made use of a useless thing and they were taking our haul!  So I promptly opened the door to the hangar and used the extremely pressurized fire hose to blast them to the moon.  The reason I didn’t use a gun is; guns are hard to come by, get ammo for, and it’s more fun to use the hose.
I ran over to the satellite and conveniently, the engine was taken off by the pirates already so I just nabbed it (with the help of Nicklas because the engine was freaking massive!) and after a few hours had connected it to the back of the ship. When we got back inside our medical assistant robot AI or, Mara, for short had powered on because the hose was turned on and just came out to inform us that the engine had been successfully attacked and she cad connected to it as well. 
We then met in the lounge (yes we’re classy scavengers) to discuss our next plan of action.  “We are running low on our supply of supplements and are going to need to find some in the next two and one third days” Mara said in that classic robot voice that is monotone and void of emotion that I love so much.  “I want candy and I don’t care how we get it” Nicklas said in that boring human voice we’re burdened with.  “I think we all agree on food so I’ll set a course for a Florin farm planet and we’ll get there in a few hours.”  I said in my equally boring voice. 
So I set a course for the nearest farm planet, which was Shunflowr (Florins love plants because they are plants so farms are their nice way of saying massive slaughterhouse) and let Bubu do the rest.  Bubba is the name of our ship because in the old movie Forest Gump Bubba was a great and reliable friend and so is our ship so that’s what we agreed on.  We had some time to spare so I started playing one of the billions of videogames that I do admit I did steal off of the places we encountered, extinct race or not. I didn’t give a toss about the people because I think I’m a kleptomaniac when it comes to games but I don’t care to end the issue because I don’t see it as an issue and that’s where I leave the discussion whenever anyone asks me about it, inevitably!

I like plants, I like to garden, but I don’t like it when they are bigger and more vicious than I am!  Once we entered the atmosphere of the Florin planet Shunflowr we were greeted welcomingly by a … billboard, and on that billboard there was a … Florin farmer picture that said from a hidden speaker “Welcome to Sssshunflowr now go awwwway if you’re a fleshling we don’t wwant you here!”  There was also a giant Venus flytrap with appendages made out of muscular and soil ridden roots that every once and a while rooted themselves into the ground for a while.  You may not think so, but that was as expected because Florins always have a failsafe guardian protecting their farms because they still grow plants but the plants are more precious to them because they grew their children in farms.  This guardian was acting strange because they’re usually in one place at a time but this one was walking over to some were. 
As I looked closer I saw that there was a light on the growth house but that would mean that there was life in it.  And the guardian was only able to activate because all life on the planet was gone.  Coming to the realization of what horrifying thing the guardian was about to do I seized up and wheeled around to face the only people on the lonesome planet that could still stop the coming event and with wide eyes and a look of fear on my face I yelled “A baby Florin was just born and is about to be killed by that mindless drone!  We have to save the child!” 
Normally if I told my crewmates that we were saving a Florin they would slap me one at a time until I though about it but this was different.  A baby Florin is still very impressionable and can be turned away from cannibalism and that would save quite a few people.  So without knowing if it would damage Bubba Nicklas shot us towards the baby.  We had never been that close to a guardian before and I can’t say for sure that they are all the same size but they really do look small from far away because Bubba was about the width of one of it’s root tendons and it loomed about six miles above us.  The good thing about that is now we noticed just how much more time we had because it was as slow as R2D2! 
Once we did an emergency crash landing we literally flew out because Mara gave us HAZMAT suits that were filled with helium halfway to reduce the chance of the suits popping which I didn’t enjoy as much as I should have due to the situation at hand.  The baby Florins cries were audible since we chose our parking spot so close to it.  We were in the room in no time and we were all surprised because the baby was in its growth pot like normal but there was a dead Florin husk clutching it like it was protecting it somehow.  We didn’t have time to wonder because Mara scooped up the baby which woke up and said “Momma, dada?” in a shrill but still somehow cute voice.  The scary part was it was looking at Mara and me when it said those words!
We quickly bounced back to the ship and realized something not worse than the fact that I was now the father of a plant baby with a robot (I don’t mind being married to a robot though) but still pretty bad; Nicklas wasn’t there with us!  My mind immediately went to “He’s fighting the guardian alone” but then Emily spotted him running back with a mouthful and arms full AND a floating crate full of candy and only then did we freak out because he only just made it aboard when plant matter exploded behind us and we looked up to see the guardian’s arm in pieces outside of the cargo bay door.  We then proceeded to get the heck out of there in a calm and orderly fashion because the dumb thing had just rooted itself to the ground and as it pulled tore itself in half from left shoulder to right hip and fall to the ground as new soil to a new planet of regrowth and dirt. I couldn’t resist going back to collect some of the new soil off of the roots of the dead guardian and stuffing it in a picture frame to keep as a reminder of the day we saved a life along with a planet. 
  We all looked at the Florin and agreed at the same time on the name Danger and then fell to the ground out of exhaustion as Mara carried us all to out beds after a job well done.

Waking up after exhaustion is great because you just feel like you’ve earned it!  I groggily walked into the living room after making toast and an espresso hot chocolate (my stomach isn’t ok with coffee) and sat down in a beanbag.  Emily walked in and looked at me, kept walking, and then her eyes bulged and she turned to me.  “What’s up with your arm?” she said and I looked down and realized that my right arm was covered in a green fiber that was crawling up my arm.  I was just about to yell at Mara to help when she walked into the room with some kind of ring thing that she quickly locked onto my arm and calmly said, “You were bound to get it no matter what you did, don’t feel bad you have super human strength, flexibility, and healing in that arm, and if I had told you last night then the stress you would have exerted would have sped up the process.”

All I could do was have a confusion spasm (going wha-who-how-whe-what!?) and then thank Mara and ask what else it could do with a power hungry look on my face.  She then explained that it could grow, lengthen, fire projectiles, turn to a razor sharp blade, and exert a force strong enough to make a crocodiles’ jaws seem like a baby’s grip.  I could also extend it over my other arm and also momentarily retract into the ring, which was Maras doing and it wouldn’t have been able to do so normally.  All I had left to do in the situation was do what any normal person would do.  I got into a space suit that Mara had given me later with an airtight hole in the arm and flew around in space firing plant matter from my hands and feet like Iron Man while screaming at the top of my lungs.

Once I was happy with that I flew back in and ran into Danger’s room and hugged him.  It was worth the three-hour non-stop crying because the child had just made me super human.  Nicklas woke up from the noise because I had forgotten to turn off my earpiece and he had heard it in his sleep with the earpiece all the way on the other side of the room.  He asked me why I was screaming and when I told him he just sounded disappointed that he wasn’t the one to get it.  I was already hyped up with the espresso hot chocolate and the new limb so I wanted to put it to good use.  I told Nicklas to fly us to a government ship that we didn’t like and let me wreck them up.  Without hesitation we went into warp drive directly to a shiny Apex (monkey people) ship and he opened the airlock too early so I got sucked onto their ship.

I sliced the titanium with ease and after the air was sucked out I threw myself in.  Most people think that once air is sucked out then there’s no gravity; they’re stupid.  The room has no oxygen but the ship has a locational gravity field inside so I could just walk around normally in a vacuum.  Anyway… I ripped the doors out by rooting to the ground and kind of just popped the helmets of the Apex (I don’t even like normal monkeys let alone deadly ones so I felt no regret.)  And just stretched their stuff into our ship and took their weapons from their cabinets and left a note saying, “Ha, we got your stuff! What you gonna do about it?” and left them coordinates to a black hole.  I happily drifted back to the ship with a really stupid smile on my face!
 

“What else can we do!?” I said with the same stupid smile but with a hint of psychopathic intentions that I’m sure everyone else could hear.  “Well you just eliminated one of our biggest threats and got rid of another by possibly sending them on a wild goose chase to a black hole so for now you can just try to calm yourself down a little!” Emily said.  I just said “Ok.” and went over to our TV to see how my new arm could play Wii sports.
Once they saw me enter the zone they walked out of the room and started talking.  “We have to find a better way of entertaining him because we all know that he’ll break that remote within twelve seconds of starting tennis practice so what do we do” Emily said seriously enough to make me whimper.  “How ‘bout we knock him out whenever he has free time!”  Nicklas said.
“No Nicklas!  That’s a bad thing to do to people bad Nicklas bad!”
“At least I came up with something.”
“Mara can I get some advise that takes more time to be thought of than his?”
“I can process questions faster than any human can by 12.54673%” Mara said.
“I know.” Emily said.  “Hey I can recognize a burn and that one needs some water to make me feel better!” “ Should I get you a burn cream tube to ease the pain?”
“You would think that after so long, someone would have thought to add some sarcasm identifiers to robots but I guess not!  So no Mara, I don’t need burn cream, thanks for your concern”.  Then Nicklas walked into the living room and started playing on the Wii with me.
“Ok, now that he’s gone I can hear what you have to say Mara.” Emily said rolling her eyes.  “Yes, I suggest that we get an artificial combat trainer from the Humans to train and distract Tyler.  We are only 8457 miles away from a human military training camp.”
“Great!  I’ll go get Nicklas and tell Tyler about the plan.”
So we jumped over to a boot camp and I just jumped out at 6000 feet and slammed down on the ground using a plant exoskeleton to keep my body from snapping and sent a shockwave of dirt outward sending dirt and loaders (humanoid robots that move and “load” crates and materials) decimating a basketball hoop and the ground around it.  I put a covering of plant material over my body and a visor of a thin membrane over my face to prevent the cameras from seeing my face.  I didn’t need to though because I just scooped up their training game set which was just a metal frame with bungee chords to hold me up later, a headset to immerse me, and a gun that Mara later modified to attach to my plant arm and read if I want to move it or change it in any way and puts that into the program seamlessly.
I only actually found it after they all came down and helped me identify it and the whole experience was a little underwhelming in the end but still worth it because we all found our own and later connected them together so we could train together.  And we obviously stole their valuables as we do and sold them later and had a fun time in all doing so because the only people that want diaries of guys were the Arians (Aztec bird people with what they think is holy technology but is actually just Apex teck that they looted) because ewe all knew that they love emotions and stories of them so we had a chance to hone our bargaining skills.

Training is a way to say practice but said so that it sounds better.  The game was fun until Mara misjudged our ability and set the difficulty to six.  That doesn’t sound too bad until you learn that the human recommendation is five and under.  Mara also had some bugs in my training add-on because sometimes, when I tried to extend an arm to swipe at some enemies the arm glitched out and took up the whole screen and then snapped into random places until I pulled it back.  That made it harder for literally everyone because it decimated abut half of the people regardless of the team that they were on.
After that got fixed we took a break while Mara fixed the arm attachment.  “Why haven’t we let Danger try the game?” Nicklas said.  Simultaneously we all just hung our heads in stupidity because it was such a great idea.  “Yea because we can teach Danger to fight without actually risking him becoming all blood lusty and stuff,” Emily said while running to get the kid.  Nicklas went to tell Mara to fit a new set for him with the extra parts.  With some oddly annoyed eyes, and I’m guessing suppressed mumbles, Mara did this with ease.
Danger took to it like a duck to water like a Florin should and laughed in a childish way that worried us for a while but ended up being harmless cries of joy.  He was given a neural headset and a motion-tracking chamber because he didn’t fit any suit that we had.  We could spectate using an Xbox controller and hacking the General’s old account so we could watch him go and it was awesome!  He moved himself around in a tangled heap of vines and just opened the ground and swallowed enemies into the ground. Then we had to delete because they didn’t die from loss of oxygen or the neural signal that Mara said was poisonous gas.  Mara eventually put them in and Danger ended up beating the universal high score by 16 times the top score, which was 1,357, and his was 21,712 so we all got exited about that!
We all tried to fight him in one-on-one battles and team battles and we only managed to defeat him once.  We cheated to make ourselves invincible to see what he could really do!  He made all of our days and earned a way into our hearts via video games!  I still don’t know if that’s sad or not because that day is still awesome to all of us!