Having a life-threatening disease could be fun if you make the most out of it. 

I was always told to make the best out of my situation or think positive, but I've never felt like enjoying life since there's no point and I would be gone soon anyway.  

I was born with Pulmonary Hypertension, a disease that affects my arteries in my lungs and heart. At the age of 16, I can proudly say, I have never enjoyed life. As much as I wanted to, my disease stopped me. Both my mom and doctors were strict about where I went and what I did. One bad event and I could be stuck in the hospital forever.  

Honestly, I didn’t mind it, I liked staying home, and my best friend, Sarah, also my neighbor, was always over so I wasn’t that lonely. But I always wondered what life would be like if I wasn’t sick.  

“Kiara! Are you ready Honey?” My mom yells.  

Today we are meeting with my doctor to go over test results and to overall see how I'm doing.  

“Coming, Mom,” I yell back as I tie my shoes and run to the car. I see Sarah in her front yard gardening as usual. She tried to get me to garden with her, but it was too boring.  

“Hey!” I say as I walk over.  

“Hey Kie! Where y’all going?” she asks in her thick southern accent.  

“Doctors, as usual.” 

She nods sentimentally “Maybe when you come back you can try out gardening again!”  

I shake my head and start to laugh; she always knows how to cheer me up. She's always been this pretty and sweet girl. She has this dark ginger hair and the cutest freckles. 7 years ago, she moved from Missouri to Chicago to live with her dad. Honestly, I thought she was too nice, so when she tried to be my friend, I thought it was out of pity since I was sick. I started homeschooling when I was in middle school, but Sarah goes to school and always comes home with all types of drama for me. She gives me all the intel of the outside world and I take it all in.  

My mom honks the horn, so I say my goodbyes to Sarah and walk to the car. 

“All set?” Mom asks, I nod my head and get in the car. 

We pull into the parking lot of my doctor's office and park the car. I unbuckle my seatbelt but before I open the door my mom stops me.

  “Kiara” she pauses, “I just want to say that whatever they say in there today, I love you.” then she pulls me in for a hug. We stay like that for a minute. Just the two of us. It has always been the two of us. 

 I admire my mom so much. When I was young, my dad died from a severe car accident. She was so scared she wasn't gonna be able to take care of me alone. But she tried her best. From that day forward, she took care of me alone. 

She pushes away from me, wiping her tears and smiles. We both get out of the car and walk toward the doctor's office.  

“Hi, we're here to see Doctor Goldberg!” she says to the receptionist. She starts to click and clack at her computer then looks up with a smile and says, “Go on in!”  

We walk in, already knowing the way to his office, and we knock on the door.  

  “Come in.”  

I open the door and he smiles. He's been my doctor ever since I was born so we have a special connection.  

“Kiara! Ms. Carrera! Have a seat! How are you guys?”  

“So far so good!” my mom says. He nods his head and then looks over at me. His smile fades and then he takes my hands into his and says 

“Kiara you’ve been so strong through all of this and me and your mom are so proud of you, but” he pauses “I got your test results back and your heart is worsening.” I look over at my mom and I see tears in her eyes. I look back over to Doctor Goldberg, 

“So what does that mean?” I start to get nervous, scared even, about what he’s about to say. Maybe this is why my mom was crying earlier.  

He takes a deep breath before saying “Kiara, you have about 4 months left to live.”  

Wow, not the news I was thinking of getting today, But what did I expect, I knew it was going to happen one day or another, and it's happening now.  

I stand up and look at my mom,

 “Can we go now, I want to go home.” I'm already making my way to the door when Doctor Goldberg says “Kiara, you still have 4 months; make the most out of it.” With my back still turned, I walk out.  

I'm standing with my back against the car when my mom walks out. She walks up to me and gives me a big hug, 

“We will get through this. I'm finding treatments that we can do, it will be ok.”  

I break out of the hug 

“I don’t want to live the rest of my life in hospitals mom! I want to do something, go somewhere.” my voice starts to break.  

“Ok, what is it that you want to do?” she asks.  

“I'm not sure mom, there are SO many things I haven't done or seen, and four months is not enough time to do it all.”  

“Maybe you should go home and think about what we can do together Kie, here, in Chicago.”

I think about that for a second, there are a lot more I want to be able to do, but I definitely want to travel the world, skydive, fly on a plane, learn how to play the guitar, and most importantly fall in love; and I can't do that here in Chicago.

Part of me hopes that in these 4 months, I will meet an amazing boy and I will fall in love with him, but the other part of me wishes that I don’t, because I would be breaking his heart when I go.  

My mom pulls into the driveway. I hop out of the car and make my way to my room. I plop onto the bed and think. There's only one thing that I’ve always wanted to do and have never been able to do. 

I get up and walk over to my desk. I grab a piece of paper and start to write. 

Go see the Northern lights  
When I was little my dad would read me stories and show me all the pictures he took when he went on these adventures to go see the lights. He was an environmental photographer and would travel down to Norway whenever the lights were to be beautiful. He even proposed to my mom there. 

This is most important for me to finish in the 4 months I have left. 

I check the clock. 12:42 pm. I need to figure out how to get some money and book my flight to Norway.

I start to research flights. I find the cheapest flight that's almost $700. 

I do all this without telling my mom a word. Tonight I'm going to leave for Norway without her. If she comes with me she will not let me live these 4 months I have left in peace. As much as I love her, I need to do this alone. 

When I was little, my mom made me a college saving, hoping that I would get better to go to college. In that fund is almost $16,000. She's saved almost $1,000 a year just for me to have a good normal life. 

I'm going to take half the money and leave the rest for her. On my way to the airport, I'll stop at the bank and transfer half of it into my account. 

I know I shouldn't leave her like this. She's also going through this pain, her only daughter finally leaving her, but I know she's ready for it. She was always prepared.

I take out a piece of paper and start to write her a note. 

Dear Mom, 

I’m dying, and I need to go somewhere, a place that will bring me closer to my father. I'm leaving tonight, so when you wake up in the morning I won't be here, I'll be on my way to Norway to see the Northern lights I need to view the world from a different perspective before I go. A perspective by dad was able to view before he left as well.  Don't worry, I'll be safe. Take care of yourself, Mom. I love you. 

-Kiara

PS: Please tell Sarah that I love her so much, and I'm sorry I had to go without saying goodbye.

I fold up the paper and leave it on my desk. 

I pull out my backpack from my closet and start to pack. I'll pack light and then buy more clothes when I get there. I pack 4 t-shirts, 2 pairs of jeans, 1 pair of leggings and 2 sweaters in case it gets cold. 

I fit all of it in plus 2 books and my headphones. 

I check the time; 6:23 pm. I have to get to the airport by 8:00 pm since the flight leaves at 9:00 pm. So I'll walk to the gas station around the corner and call myself an uber. 

Now that my plan is set, I need to put it in motion. I walk downstairs, “Hey mom! I'm going to bed early.” 

She comes running, “Why, are you ok, do you feel fine?'' she says, taking the back of her hand and touching my forehead. 

“Yes I'm fine, I just feel tired.” I bring her in for a hug, maybe the last hug I'll ever get from her. “Ok baby,” she says, kissing my forehead “Goodnight.” 

It's 7:15 pm and I hear my mom's bedroom door close, and a few minutes later the shower turns on. I have to do this now. I tiptoe down the stairs, leave the note on the kitchen table and walk out the backdoor. I get to the front yard and before I walk away, I look back at the house. The house I grew up in all my life. I'll miss this place so much. I turn back around and start walking. 

Time for a new chapter before the book ends. 

I reach the gas station just as my uber arrives. The man pulls up and rolls down his window. 

“Kiara?” he asks, “Yup!” I hop in and we start driving toward the bank. 

I run in and run out within seconds. 

And we're off to the airport. This is the first time ill be flying, and alone. But I'm not scared, I'm exhilarated. 

We reach the airport. “Thank you, sir!” I say as I get out of the car and shut the door. I walk in and straight to the receptionist's desk, I go. 

“1 ticket to Norway please.” She peers down at me and then starts to clack at her computer. She asks me all the necessary questions. And then she hands me my ticket. I thank her and walk to the gate. 

I walk past security, and straight to my gate. I find a seat and wait for the flight to be called up. I admire all the people speed walking through the airport, getting to where they need to go. 

“Flight 2517 to Norway is boarding now” 

I start to follow the crowd of people rushing to get on the flight. We all lodge into the plane and find our seats. Luckily I got a window seat. I sit down and pull my book and earbuds out of my bag, then drop it under my seat.

I look into the aisle and see no one coming. There are 2 empty seats next to me. I hope that no one else sits here so I have this row to myself. 

I spoke too soon. I see this boy, maybe 17-18ish with dark brown curly hair rushing into the flight. He keeps walking and then stops in front of my aisle. He looks at his ticket then down at me and smiles. He sits down in the aisle seat while the middle is still open. From the corner of my eye, I see he also pulls out a book, the same book I'm reading. Fahrenheit 451. I turn my page and he glances over and chuckles. I turn to look at him. He has super white teeth and pretty brown eyes. I smile. 

“It's a good book right?” he asks. 

“Yeah, I just started it but it's really good.” 

We both turn back to our books. But he looks back over at me after a few seconds. 

“Im JJ by the way.” 

“Hi JJ, I'm Kiara.” 

“Nice to meet you, Kiara.” 

The plane starts to descend. 

“10 min till we reach Tromsø Airport” 

Over the course of 10 hours and 2 different airplanes, JJ  and I have been talking a lot. 

The both of us are going to Tromso to see the northern lights. JJ told me that he took a gap year to travel the world before he goes to college. 

I didn't tell him that I was sick, just that I wanted to go see the northern lights and now was my chance. I think he knew I was sick since I was coughing a lot and I look kinda pale. 

We arrive at the airport and since I haven't gotten a hotel yet JJ asks me if he wants to stay at the same hotel with him and that since he's been here before he would be my “tour guide” 

I know I shouldn't trust a stranger but he doesn't look or sound like a serial killer so I think ill be fine. 

We get into the same uber which takes us right to the hotel. I walk up to the receptionist and purchase a room, requesting it be close to JJ. 

We get our rooms and take the elevator up. 

“ So tomorrow night we're gonna go see the Northern lights, but there are a few more things I want to show you around Norway that you may like to see.” He says.

We walk out of the elevator, “That sounds like fun!”

“Here, put your number in, and ill text you all the details,” he says handing his phone to me. 

I hand it back to him and then say, “ Also JJ thank you for keeping me company this whole time. I'm glad I'm not doing this alone.” 

“Same here, I'm glad I met you, Kiara.” 

We stop at my hotel door, I open it with the key card and I ask JJ if he wants to come in, He walks in and looks around making sure everything is ok. 

He starts to walk to the door and opens it before he leaves he says, “If you need anything I'm in room 423, just call or knock.” 

“Thank you, JJ” 

Then we say goodnight and he walks across the hall to his room. 

It's 7:30 am and I'm waiting for a text from JJ. I've always been an early riser, I can never stay asleep till after 10 am. I decide to text him that I'm going down for breakfast, and maybe he will come. 

I get dressed into a pretty sundress and throw on the tiniest bit of makeup to make myself look a little less pale. I brush my hair and put it into a braid. I start to put on my converse but then I hear a knock at the door. It's probably JJ. 

I go to open the door and see him standing in shorts and a button-down shirt, with a few buttons open. “You ready?” He asks.

“Yeah come in, I just have to tie my shoes.” 

He walks in and sits on the bed.“How did you sleep last night?” 

“Pretty good, this place is actually really nice and the beds are so comfortable.” 

We go down to the breakfast area and eat. After we're done eating JJ takes me to go see the Arctic-Alpine Botanic garden. 

The place is beautiful, there are so many different flowers and they're all so pretty. I take out the camera that my dad left for me when I was little and start snapping photos. I see JJ smiling at me when taking them.

“Smile JJ!” I say taking a picture of him. I show him the picture and then he takes my camera and takes some photos of me. He starts to crack some jokes so I would laugh. 

We spent a lot of time in the garden, we also had a little picnic there. He says that we should go to the hotel and relax before going out tonight. 

JJ walks me to my room.

“Hey, are you feeling ok?” he asks, putting his hand on my forehead. 

“Nothing it’s just you looked a little sick at the garden and you were coughing a lot.” 

I look up at him, “JJ I need to tell you something.”

“I’m sick, I have this disease called Pulmonary Hypertension, which affects my lungs and heart, before I left for Trosmo, I was told that I only had a few months left to live.” I take a breath and go on, “I came here to see the northern lights because my dad had always loved them” I pause  “He passed when i was young, and its the only thing I wanted to see before I died” 

He looks at me, his eyes are tearing up and he pulls me in for a hug.

JJ leaves to let me get dressed. I'm glad I told him, but this was my worst fear. I'm getting sicker, I can feel it, and if I leave him I won't be able to forgive myself. 

I get dressed, and grab my dad's camera. I walk over to his room and knock on the door. He opens it and just stares at me. I know what he's thinking. He's thinking that this is probably one of our last adventures together. I grab his hand, “Are you ready to go?” 

He nods and shuts the door behind us. Still holding hands we take the elevator down. We get in a van full of people who are going to the same place we are. 

We finally get there. A few minutes left till we see them. Me and JJ find a nice place to sit. I grab my camera and get ready to take a bunch of pictures. And finally, I see the thing that I've been dreaming for my entire life. It's beautiful. I can see why my dad was always so obsessed with this. I click a bunch of pictures, but now I'm just enjoying the view. I'm looking at it in awe. When I turn to look at JJ, he's already looking at me. We smile at each other. 

“Thank you, JJ” 

He smiles and goes to grab my hand. I look down at our hands and then I look back up to meet his eyes. We stay like this for a while. 

“Are yall ready to go” yells our tour guide. 

We nod our heads and get up. I look back towards the view and take it in for a few more seconds, and then darkness. 

A bright light hurts my eyes. I start to see that I'm at a hospital. I stare at my hands, my arms hooked up to machines. I thought when I left home I wouldn't end up here again. 

I hear JJ’s voice and someone else's.
“JJ?”

He comes running in. “Hey Kie, are you ok, how are you feeling?” 

“I'm ok, what happened.” 

“You fainted so I took you to the hospital.” 

“I told the doctor about your problem and how your doctor back home told you that you only had a few months left, so he took tests, and Kie” he pauses, “he said that you’re getting better and that you only fainted because of the adrenaline.”

“Wait but I wasn't feeling well at all”

“Yeah he said he's going to give you a prescription but you're not dying Kiara, at least not now.”

I was so happy, I needed to call my mom and tell her that leaving home actually helped me. But instead, I look at JJ, he's smiling. He looks so happy right now. And I bring him in for a kiss.