By the time Sammy was finished his mom was in tears. She was saying things like "How could she?" and "that's horrible" and "To her own son!" I was hiding my head in Sammy's chest. I wrapped my arms around him and cried quietly. He patted my back and whispered "don't worry. Shhh it will be ok. I love you. Mom will let u stay you know that." He kissed the top of my head and told me to go to his room. I listened.

Sammy's room was the attic but I could still hear Sammy downstairs, his mom was to quiet to hear. "Mom he has no where to go! We can't leave him on the streets!" there was a pause where I'm assuming Jessi was talking because then Sam said "Oh my God mom that's....wait.... dad hasn't been home in almost a year. Whose is it!?" There was another pause, this one longer than the last. "Mom why!? If we needed money I could have gotten a job at the gas station down the street! You didn't have to do that! How long have you known!?" I didn't like Sammy yelling. I really didn't like him yelling at his mom. I opened the door and ran downstairs. "Sammy stop!" he was in a full on rage though.

He spun around and hit me. My hands came up to protect my face. He shoved me down. I scrambled for the door and ran out. I heard Jessi who never raised her voice scream at him. "Sam! What the hell!?" I heard a large crash and I wanted to run back to Sam but my feet kept running away. I wasn't watching where I was going and I ran into someone. I didn't care who it was I buried my face into them and cried.

The person was surprised but then put a hand on my back and rubbed in small circles. It was a woman I could tell because I realized my face was in her boobs. She was tall and smelled like oranges. She pulled me off of her. "hey are you trying to flood the world?" her voice was sweet and kind. It made me smile a bit and I wiped my face with my sleeve. I looked up at her and she smiled.

The woman was very pretty. She looked about 18 to early 20's. Her curly blond hair fell to her elbows and she was in very high heels. The dress she was wearing was strapless and dark purple with a zipper down the front. She looked like a stripper. "Hey you ok?" I nod and step around her. "hey c'mon wait up a sec." I turned around "yeah?" she looked surprised "so he does speak" she laughed "seriously why the tears? You're to cute to be crying." She actually looked like she wanted to know. So I told her "my mom kicked me out 'cause I'm gay and my boyfriend hit me" Saying it out loud made it all the more worse. Tears welled up again "hey, hey shhh its alright. Hey why don't you come to my place ok? My roommate moved out 'cause I have to many goldfish, so I got a free bed if you want it." I nodded and she smiled again. "Great! c'mon! Tell me about yourself on the way its not much further."

She and I walked and I told her everything about me. She didn't say a word beyond the occasional question. She smiled and gasped and by the time I was finished we were standing at a wooden gate the blocked a short walkway to a 2 story brick house. She opened the gate "so this is my place! I hope you won't mind the mess. I haven't really had time to clean up any and my ex-roommate is coming to get her stuff so it gets rid of the boxes" she smiled and lead me into the house it was amazing. Besides the boxes and clothes everywhere. It was very pretty. There were fish tanks everywhere. All the tanks contained goldfish.
She took me upstairs to a long hallway with many doors lining both sides of the hall. "this is the bathroom, towel closet.." she rambled on but I wasn't listening. I was to busy in my own thoughts. She opened one of the doors "And this is your room, what do you think? Can it be home?" I looked at her she was much shorter sense she had taken off her shoes at the door. I nodded and stepped in the room after her. She was smiling. Smiling at me. I wasn't sure what she was saying but it didn't matter she was not yelling at me or hitting me. I hugged her. "oh! Haha your welcome" She hugged back. I could tell this was the beginning of a wonderful friendship.

My room was a small light blue room with grey carpet on the floor. There was a closet, a dresser, and a bed. On one wall there was a sliding glass door that led out to a place to look out over the whole city.

I surveyed everything and turned back to the girl. "Thank you for your hospitality miss....." my words died for she had not yet told me her name. "Oh! Fee Heart" She laughed then continued. "my name is Fiona but you can call me Fee. I can't believe I forgot to tell u my name!" She pulled me by the arm "Hey come meet my babies!" She squealed with delight at the thought of introducing me to her goldfish. Could goldfish even be named? How would you tell them apart? But I let her drag me down stairs to each of her aquariums full of what looked to be 1 fish that someone sent through the copier about a billion times. She had a lot of fish. There were fish everywhere, yet every tank was clean and clear.

She named off names that were as ridiculous as Santa to as normal as Bubbles and each tank contained hiding plants and buildings for the fish to live in. This girl was fish crazy.

It took her an hour to show me all her fish. She pulled me from room to room pointing at fishtanks and each gold fish and telling me its story and name. I listened. Not because I was I really cared about her thousands of goldfish but because her voice was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard.

Fee walked me back to the living room to find a brown haired darkly tanned girl. "Where f are my boxes!?" She squealed when she saw Fee. Fee leaned into me and whispered "That's my roommate Kendra." she turned to Kendra "Hello to you as well Kendra. If you would look around your boxes are right where you left them. So get your shit and get out of my house!" Kendra's eyes widened "Bitch!" she screamed and grabbed a pillow chucking it at me. I ducked to avoid a pillow in my face. Fee yelled in my defense. "Hey! Watch out for Matty!" without even looking at me she screeched "MATTY!? Who is Matty!!?"

Kendra dragged Fee into the kitchen leaving me to stand there alone. I looked back at them, I could hear what they were saying. Kendra was asking why Fee kicked her out and Fee said it was because of their relationship. I walked toward the door and opened it quietly, leaving the two girls to bicker about love, their jobs and me.

I stood on the porch for second and looked out into the street. A black haired boy in black jeans and a batman tee was walking down the sidewalk. I squinted to get a better view of the cute boy. I took a step forward and shaded my eyes. My foot slid off the edge of the porch and I fell into a bush. I heard some one scream so I stood up fast, "I'm okay!" The boy was now standing in front of me. "Mathew? Where have you been? I haven't seen you in years!" at first I didn't recognize him till he flipped his hair out of his eyes out reveal beautiful green eyes. I had looked into those eyes before. When I was about 10 and just figuring out i liked guys. His name was Rowan. He was most gorgeous man I had ever laid my eyes on.

My eyes widened as Rowan's beautiful eyes gazed at me waiting for me to answer the questions he had asked but the truth was ever sense he broke up with me and dated a boy in a different town I had avoided him. I avoided him everywhere I saw him. At school, at the mall, at the small ice cream shop downtown that Sammy and I used to go to. He didn't even seem to have changed in the whole 5 years i had been avoiding him. Same hair color and style and same just about everything else. The only thing I noticed that was different was there was a tattoo of a black cross on his right wrist underneath it read "R.I.P Griffin Longsworth" The story of the poor boy hanging himself flashed through my head. "I sat behind him in Science" Rowan said breaking the silence as he noticed me looking at the tattoo. "I was his partner in crime and sat next to him in Spanish, I mourned pretty bad when he," I took a pause then said "died." Not sure how to fraise the sensitive thing that happened. "He's always acted so happy. I never would have thought out of all the people in our school he would kill himself." I nodded agreeing with Rowan. "So is this were you live?" He asked trying to get off the depressing subject. "uh well...." I broke down and cried.

Rowan put his arms around me. I wanted to shove him away, tell him that I hated him and I didn't need him but I couldn't. I felt his warmth and I needed it. I had been away from Sammy for to long. He whispered soothing things in my ear and stroked my hair. Was I falling back in love with him? No. Even if Sammy didn't want me I would stay faithful to him.

Rowan pulled me away from him and looked into my eyes. "Matthew, do you want to come home with me? My boyfriend and I wouldn't mind having a fourth person around. What do you say Matt?" He looked in my eyes, almost as if he was staring into my soul. I nodded slowly not caring that he had just said boyfriend and fourth person and not third meaning that there was him, his boyfriend and another person already living there. I hugged him and he lead me down the steps.

I could still hear Fee and Kendra yelling at each other. I heard a loud crash and one of them cursed very loud. "Do you need to check on that?" Rowan asked me. I stopped on the last step and sighed. "I barely know these people. I was kicked out of my own house because I'm gay. My boyfriend hit me and I ran away. I just met these girls but I think Fee cares about me very much." I was telling this more to myself than to Rowan. "Yes. I should check on that" I walked back up to the door and slowly turned the door handle.

I opened the door slowly and saw Kendra standing over Fee with water, glass, and flopping gold fish everywhere. Fee was laying face-down not moving. Kendra looked at me like a lost puppy might look at a person who picked it up. She dropped to her knees and screamed "Fee!! You f*ing bitch! Wake up! Get up and help me clean up this mess! Fee!! Get up! You lesbian whore! Come on! Get up!  FEE!!!!!" I watched as Kendra cried and pounded on the floor.
I heard Rowan come in the room and gasp. I couldn't pull my eyes off the scene in front of me. Rowan came to stand next to me. He pulled me into a hug and whispered "Come one Matthew, I'm going to take you back to Sammy." Sammy. Oh Sammy. He's probably hating himself for what he did. I nodded and let Rowan lead me outside. It was starting to get dark "Hey, I'm going to take u to my place and we will clean you up and gets some food in you before we take u back, sound ok" my stomach growled in reply. He laughed "alright then follow me."
The only sounds we heard on our walk to Rowans were our footsteps and a dog barking far in the distance. I didn't speak. How could I? Fee was dead. I knew she was. I also knew that I was out of a place to stay.

We walked down the sidewalk and I heard music start playing out of the left earbud that was hanging loosely around Rowans neck. It blared a strong beat of emo music. Screaming and words and a bass beat. There where no people out or in the street. I thought about Sammy and his mom. I thought about how he had hit her. How could he have laid his hand on her. What if he got mad at me? Would he hit me too? I didn't know if I could go back to someone that I was scared of. I thought about Sammy, every detain of his face, every flaw in his body and every scar from his bad past. He was a good boy. He had fought so hard to be with me. He saved my life and he works hard to save other kids' lives. He wouldn't hurt me. He knows how fragile I am. I smiled to myself I was going to go back to my boy. I needed him and he needed me. "what you smiling about Matt?" I looked up jumping out of my own thoughts and back into reality "huh? Oh, nothing I was just thinking about Sammy and if I should give him another chance. What do u think?" Shit what was i thinking? He doesn't want to deal with me in this mess of a life.


Then again, he invited me to come to his house. He wanted to save me. "Matt, do you love him?" I thought back for a second then nodded. I loved Sam, I wanted to marry that boy. He had told me it was illegal but I didn't care. Someday the laws would change and he would be mine forever. "If you love him, get him back, No matter what it takes. Hey speaking of wonderful men, this is the place." The house was blue and white with a large window in front. Through the window a guy was standing there. Rowan pulled out a key and unlocked the door. "Babe!! I'm back!" there was silence he looked back me. I was still standing in the doorway being the moron I am. "Come on, he's in the fun room." I walked inside and looked around. There wasn't much to look at. A few pictures and some weird drawings all over the walls. The guy came around the corner and kissed Rowan he looked at me. "who is this?"

Rowan turned to face me, "this is Matt. I was in highschool with him. He got kicked out of his house and his boyfriend hit him. He's scared and needs a place to stay." I looked at Rowans boyfriend I didn't really enjoy that Rowan had just given him the pity story of my life but one thing was for sure, I did need a place to stay. Rowan's boyfriend grabbed his arm and pulled him into a different room leaving me standing there like an idiot. I heard him whispering about a person named Ryan already living with them. Rowan whispered back "Jait c'mon it's just one night." Jait was quiet I only heard parts of what he said "you said that before..... Ryan's still here........ never going to..... love you but..... just can't take.... leave..." I sighed quietly and bit my lip. I took a step back toward the door. I knew what was going on, I was unneed in another home. I quietly started to open the door then stopped when i felt a hand on my shoulder. "Don't live on the streets" I turned around to find Jait standing there with Rowan a foot behind him, "life isn't something to throw away. You can stay with us for tonight but go home tomorrow. Your boyfriend is probably missing you by now." I nodded and gave a shy smile "thank you, Jake is it?" He smiled and half laughed in a cute sort of way at the same time "oh close, it's Jait. Don't worry people miss hear it all the time. No big deal" I nodded and Rowan stepped closer "You can sleep upstairs, there's a bathroom and a bedroom in the first door on the right." I nodded again and looked up at Jait "You're really tall." that's all I could think of saying. He smiled and laughed loudly. "Uh, well thank you small one." They led me to the stairs and up to the room "there should be some of Ryans clothes in the closet see if anything fits then come down for dinner, Jait is making pasta and it's the best." Rowan left me alone in the huge room. I took off my shirt and walked over to the closet. There was a shirt and a pair of lounge pants in there. I took off my jeans and put them on. Maybe my life was going to turn around. Just maybe. I checked out the room and went down stairs to see what was going on.

I walked into the kitchen to find Rowan with a towel rapped around his hand and the originally white towel turning pink. I screamed "ROWAN! JAIT!!! WHAT HAPPEN!" the scene was scary. I ran over to Rowan to make sure he was ok. "JAIT!" i called for him many times "JAIT! JAIT! JAIT!" Where was he!? Rowan fell to the floor I screamed louder then I ever had. "JJJJJAAAAAIIIIIIITTTTTTT" He came running in looking scared. He looked down at me and Rowan and didn't miss a beat. He grabbed Rowan and the world blurred.

We were in the car then in the hospital in I swear less then 20 minutes. The whole time I was looking out the window as the world flew by. When we got to the hospital they took Rowan away. Jait screamed and argued he refused to stay away from Rowan. Finally the doctor convinced him to wait outside with me. I sat down and Jait sat down next to me. His while body was shaking. He leaned his head back on the wall and whispered "I should have been there" I looked over at him. "Jait?" he opened his eyes and looked at me. "What?" I put my hand on his leg. "It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault." he put his hand over mine and looked down. "I know." the doctor came back out. "Jait? I have good and bad news which would you like first?" Jait shrugged. "the bad, I guess" The doctor sighed "he cut a vein and lost a lot of blood. He will have to stay over night. The good news is that he is responding great and will be able to leave tomorrow." Jait kept a straight face but I knew he was scared. The doctor put a hand on his shoulder. "go home and get some sleep. Come back tomorrow." Jait nodded and motioned for me to come over. "We are going home." I nodded, Jait thanked the doctor and we walked toward the door.
When we got to the car Jait didn't get in. "matt?" I looked up at him "Will u sleep with me tonight?" I was shocked. "uh.... I'm not sure that we should.... I mean...." Jait laughed "whatever, it was worth a shot I guess." he got in the car. I thought for a minute then got in the car. Jait had his head on the steering wheel. "Jait?" he sat up and looked at me "hm?" I chew on my lip. "wanna sleep with me tonight?"

I didn't know what to say. Did he mean sleeping as in with our heads on pillows and his arms wrapped around me? Or did he mean sleeping like sex? I starred at him with wide eyes. "Uh... Well.... Do you mean sleeping like sleeping or did u say sleeping but really mean sex?" That sounded better in my head. I felt stupid now. He shrugged. "I don't know. I just don't want to think about Rowan. I need a distraction." He slid his hand onto my leg. I swallowed real hard and thought about what to say. My brain couldn't think, my mouth opened but the words didn't come out. Only a series of unintelligent noises and mumbles.
Jait pulled the car into the driveway. He turned it off and looked at me. "Shut up and get out of the car. We are going in there and you are loosing your clothes. Go!" The way he said that made me tingle inside. I wanted to listen to him but I also knew it was wrong. Yet I got out of the car anyway. I walked up to the house and waited at the door for Jait. He came up and unlocked it and pushed me inside. "Go take off your clothes Matt" He spoke these words as commands. Not gentle words. Yet I did as I was told. I headed to the room where I was staying.
I opened the door to find a boy. I stuttered "uh.... h-h-h-hi?" He looked up from the drawer "who the f are u?"

I pushed passed Jait and Ryan and ran down the stairs taking them 2 at a time. I had to get back to Sammy. I needed him to hold me and kiss my head and tell me its okay. I looked for street signs as I ran. "Gene Street. Gene Street. Gene Street." I found myself whispering as I ran. I ran past Fee and Kendra's house. I knew I was going the right way. I slowed my pace a bit. I was running out of breath. I stopped about a block from Sammy's street. "What if he hates me?" I wispered. I sat down on the bus stop bench and my tears fell down onto my legs. The street lamp above me flickered and went out. "He still wants you Matt. He never stoped thinking about you since you left. He has cried himself to sleep thinking of how you were out in the world on your own just because of him." I looked up in the direction that the voice came from. "Sammy?!" I jumped up at the sight of my boyfriend. "Sammy I'm so sorry I ran out on you!" I hugged him tightly and burried my face in his chest. He put his hand on the back of my head. He pet my hair and cooed soothing things. "hey, hey, Matty it's fine. It's okay. I love you. I'm here. Calm down baby. I'm here." I looked up at Sammy. "Can we go home Sammy? I wanna be with you and never leave your side." He laughed slightly and nodded. "Yes. Let's go back to my house and watch FINDING NEMO." I nodded and he put his arm around my shoulders and led me down the street to the house.