A warm spring day, birds chirping, rain very lightly falling from the sky just enough to leave small raindrops on the tips of the summer green leaves. Two people interlock fingers and share the best feeling a person can consume in their body, as the words I DO slip from their lips like the dew off a green stem of grass. A kiss, which is a lip locking promise that they will stay and respect each other and love each other and be faithful for the rest of their lives. The audience awes them, but on all of their minds what but how long will they last? And questions such as, will they be faithful, how many kids will they have, and just random regular marriage ending questions.



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I smile fully and tune in to the light of my life' my precious little charlie;her eyes shine of a deep thoughtful winter blue. I listen to my petite angel angel speak her own little language of half gibberish and randomly throw in the few words she knows or has picked up. She hastily gets up from her spot lying across from me on top of the small pallet made on the floor; she trots her way over to me gracefully and sits down in front of me. I gaze at her, she looks so beautiful, I smile and I reach to give her a hug, she screams angrily, and her panicked reaction only one her father has taught her by her young eyes witnessing his violent ugly drunken nature. She reaches her tiny closed up hand up to my face fiercely and she hits me with as much power as she can on the upper bridge of my nose. With not much strength in her small brittle body, she doesn't hit me very hard, but with enough force to sting the tip of my olive toned skin on my the top of my nose. I flinch,Not from the pain but more so from the thoughts...Such a brittle beautiful little girl picking up a drunken nature, what can I do? I don't want to punish her, she only does what she has witnessed. Her tiny pale fingers nothing but skin and bones of innocence, heart filled with curiosity and mind full of adventure, to punish her would be to punish myself for her fathers ugly actions.



I smirk and just take her in my arms and tell her not to hit people it's very disrespectfully bad, and she starts to cry, small fragile tears running along the curve of her baby-like features; and her small chubby light toned chest heaves in and out rapidly. But curiosity fills her eyes as she wanders why she's in trouble and all I can think to myself is it's time for my abusive unthoughtful husband to man up or suck it up, Because my daughter isn't going to live in a house full of unnecessary violence. Just as the thought lingers on my mind like a broke down car on the highway, he comes straight over to me and asks quickly and angrily why I didn't answer my phone. He rants and raves ferociously and after letting out some steam I figure now's my turn to speak to him as if I’m an equal and deserve my freedom of speech. But as I part my lips to explain my ignorant actions I get a muscular high five right along my already crooked jaw bone. I suck in A big breath as I try to avoid tears from flowing like a stream from all the harsh pain, and I focus into my senses to get my intent focus off the intense pain running through my jaw. Some people think of a happy place to run away from a harsh reality, and I simply focus on whats happening, My nose burns, the smell of vodka strong on his breath, the sounds of my poor little angel looking at me from across the room and crying heavy sad sobs, and My angry husband blocking me like a goalie in hockey, not letting me get to the heavy blue metal door or my frightened daughter. I see the vain in his forehead swirling and pumping like a rusted Ferris wheel at a carnival in an old abandoned town.



I cry, not on the outside but I cry and I bleed repetitively internally, feeling so many grave emotions such as hurt, pain, confusion, pity for charlie , and all in all just a black hole of sadness. Sad not because I’m taking the deadly abuse like a disrespected non caring woman with no worth, but more so because I still have a flicker of hope he'll change; change back to the man I fell deeply passionately in love with, the gorgeous caring man I would wrap my scrawny small scarcely scared arms around his ginormous neck and kiss him gently on his plump lips lovingly, leaving a small linger of fluorescent pink lip gloss. But then the thought hits me like a freight train hitting a little bunny, tough truth and angry reality. If nothing changes nothing changes, which means nothing more than for him to see me in the actual light I have to show him the dark first. It a whole new symbiotic relationship, how can an ignorant drunken human being see light and know it's light without seeing the dark? Leave, one word that's going to carry so much heart break and take a lot of unsought out strength, how long to leave, do I stay gone forever, where do I go?! I feel like one of the women that as a child I would look up to as a stupid misleading troubled unworthy woman. Someone stuck in an unhealthy upsetting relationship not being able to move on or simply take a step back to view themselves, I’m stuck in this concrete called love and all I do is bathe in it and take the hurt the concrete has on me as its squashes my ribs, and cracks every single little brittle helpless crying out bone in my frail womanly body.

I take a deep refreshing breath and try and plan an easy escape route but as I go to rapidly move ,towards the fire escape leading out of our 3rd floor condo, I feel the the harsh business shoes claw at my back like a man clawing at the gates of hell. I crash back down to the floor legs sprawled and arms lying under my spinning head I lay... Just lay there with no thoughtful intention of getting up, no intention of risking more clawing harsh pain. So I sit and I stay, feeling harsh reality and once again the forever crushing rock hard concrete. I lie there in the same cold uncomfortable spot for what seems like hours, when I hear the bedroom door shut a little ways down the unlit short scary hallway I know that the harsh violent abuse is over for the night. I know matter of factually that I have time to do what I need to do to escape this pit of god awful unholy hell. I don't know what to do, I don't have anywhere to go and I don’t want to leave my only place of any small bit of comfort for me and my loving daughter. So my mind spins like an old time wooden top and I feel steam fill my ears like a tea pot that's been over boiled. I pick up his Verizon iphone 4s and I start to dial in the three most important numbers I can possibly think to dial in a moment of panicked crisis, 911.

A woman Operator picks up and says”911 whats your emergency?” I start to think and wander if its a real woman on the other end of this line, is she young or old and my mind just imagines all the possibilities. Then I realize my mind is traveling, trying to run from the uncanny nervousness its feeling from the decision I have so recently made. I speak into the phone but I feel as if the phones melting beseechingly in my quivering hands and my voice is melting along with the deep red goo of the phone. “Please help, my husband he always harshly beats me I need a hero I need the department to devote their protection to me and do their sworn in job.!” I stress the last part of my scrambled sentence making it sound as if I’m wrongly implying that the police aren't doing their everyday regular job, but then I hear the concerned voice say a hero is coming ma'am.

I grab my precious still heaving angel and I go down the green sparkling stairs to the deserted street lit by an auburn sunset below to wait on our approaching hero's. As I see the two policemen come down the street in a saviors rush, I wave my hand at them to signal where me my daughter and my abuser are. As I drop the dead weighted hand back to my heavy heart and I let it set there as if I’m soothing the internal organ itself. I let my hand symbolize only that I took a stand and I can do this; I can conquer the outside world of creatures and humans if I can conquer a monster such as Steve. I don't know what's going on with my husband and the police upstairs right now, or what god awful deceitful lies are being recklessly told. But what I do know and strongly believe is that I'm stronger and I took a stand like martin Luther king Jr. I stood for what I believe in and I found an imaginary escape route. I hold charlie just a little more lovingly tighter and whisper in her young innocent beautiful ears “I love my angel and I don't know when daddy will be back home from work but for tonight the concrete is cracked and I can feel the night sky shining on my bruised falsely tanned back; tonight we're not in the dark my love we have found a true natural light!.”