I dread mornings, it means getting up and dealing with the day. Dealing with my Dad , dealing with my peers dealing with my life. But I always get up anyhow ,because it better than staying in this house all day , with them. I drag myself out of my bed and plop my feet on the cold hard wood floor. I linger toward the bathroom to wash my face and to comb my hair. As I walked in to the bathroom I avoid the mirror because I am afraid of what I will see. I bend my face down to the sink and crank the fosse knob to where the water is barely trickling out of the spout . I don’t turn it on all the way because I don’t want to wake him up. After I splash some water on my face , I pick up my comb and start untangling the knots in my hair . After I get all that I can out I pull out my stash of makeup that my friend jenny gave me a week ago to cover up the bruises. I talk some of the foundation and rub it on the bruise under my eye that he put there last night. I add some eyeliner to my eyes and then I began the descent down the stairs dragging myself more and more every step I took. The steps I took I had memorized in my head . The path I took was avoid every little squeak and crack in the floor so I wouldn’t wake him up. He always gets made if I wake him up for any reason at all . I think if the house was on fire he still would want me to wake him. When I got down to the bottom of the stairs I walked in to the living room. At first I couldn’t see in the darkness of the room but my eyes have gotten use to it over the years of not being able to turn on the lights in the morning. After I found my shoes and got them on I walked quietly to the door and grabbed my coat and walked out on to the cold street . As I made my way to the school I watched as kids that I have known since before I was in pre school . But none of them talked to me anymore , ever since my life has gotten bad .Looking at the icy side walk as I walked up the street to the high school , a bike flew passed me . My head popped up instantly, as I looked up I saw a boy’s head turned looking back at me . Then another one bike zoomed passed me. As he went by I heard the words of “Freak get out of my way next time can you handle that huh Bigfoot?” I have heard stuff like that every day for years now. Sometimes it doesn’t even bother me anymore.













I got to school around 7:30 a.m. the same time that I get there every morning. If you have ever walked in the main door of Ellwood High you know the first thing you see is the big elk that is older than anyone in the town. But the thing is it’s real; you see the founder of Ellwood shot this elk when he first came here in 1856 then he stuffed it . Reciting facts like these are the things that make me an outcast and a freak among my peers. Sometimes I don’t even know I am doing it until I get the look that I am so well aware of . The look of disgust and the “Oh you think you are better than me” look. That is also the reason that my only friend is my dog Elle. But sometimes it pays of not having any friends. There’s no one to fight with and no one to have to compromise with . But then again I do get a little lonely. There is no one to share secrets with and no one to tell me that everything will turn out okay when my life goes haywire .Sometimes I just long to have someone to talk to that’s not my dog or my Dad who really doesn’t want to talk to me anyway , he only cares and notices me when I do something that makes him angry with me . Someone that knows what I am going though someone that want to be my friend just because I am me. Someone like Meadow Jackson. Meadow Jackson is a girl that is nice to everyone she the kind of girl that walks down the hallways during school smiling at everyone she see and saying hi to everyone that makes eye contact with her . She has even notice me once before. I was on my way to chemistry and was walking with my head down looking at my knees. When something bumped into me. I was expecting someone to scream at me and call me bigfoot like they always have done since I was in middle school. But the only words that came out of her mouth were ,” oh I am sorry are you okay I am so clumsy , well so how are you today ?” I replay “fine “and I smile a little at her .Then she say” well that’s good have a nice day and sorry again” Then she walked away. I don’t know if this was true or not but I think I held my head a little higher that day . I felt loved and wanted for the first time since my mom died .

I start my school day off in the class that could be compared to hell, Math . It’s not the subject that bothers me it’s the people in the class . They taught me all the time , they call me names and sometimes even though pens and pencils at me . I know all the answers to the questions that the teacher asks even the ones that we haven’t even went over yet. But every time I raise my hand and say the answer that the teacher know quite well that no one else in the class knows the answer to the question so he looks right at me for the answer and what am I suppose to do tell him I don’t know ? I can’t do that because he know that I know it. So every time a qushetion is asked that no one else knows I answer it and then I face the taunting and teasing of my peers. When the day is over I know it might seem odd from what I told you about my life at school that I wouldn’t want to go home. But when the final bell rings for the day telling all of us to go home , my stomach begging’s to ach and my brain starts to go a hundred miles an hour. I start to think about the kind of mood that he would be in when I got home if I should block my face when I walked into the door of if I should just take the blows that he throws . But in the end I have no choice but to go home to a secret that no one knows of .
My route to school and from it is not that different except the speed that I take to get to the place that I am going . When I walk to school it is usually a slow and steady walk. But when I am walking home in the night time my pace is usually a fast walk or a sprint to get home on his dead line of 3:20. I have been late getting home before and the punishment that he gives is horrible the things that he says , the way that he hits me . If I am late I don’t get dinner or breakfast for three days and I get locked in the basement . I walk out of the school calmly and peacefully , then I when I hit the sidewalk I begin to run. I have to run to get there on time. As I walk home the same bikes passed me as that morning. But this time the boy that shouted knocked the books and papers out of my hands and they go flying everywhere . I have to stop to pick them up. I pick them up as fast as I can a keep going . I get to the house at 3:23, I am only three minutes late , but he wouldn’t care. He will still hurt me. I walk into the house very slowing watching on every side of me. I walk into my room and then I throw my back pack on to my bed and then I walk to the fridge to get something to eat. I think to myself “oh he’s down stairs passed out “. Then for a split second I stop being alert. That’s when the Frying pan hit me in the face knocking me out .

As I fluttered my eyes while wakening up from my unconscious state. As I looked around my surroundings I turned my head just in time to see my Dad walking out of the basement door. I thought in my head No! No! He can’t do this to me again! Then I begin to shout “No! No! Daddy pleases not again!” Please Daddy No! No! I don’t like it down here! Daddy! “ Then from all the shouting, yelling and the hit to my face, I fell to the ground. When I wake up from my unwanted slumber it is already dark outside .I got up very slowly from the floor, my body ached very badly . I walked to the light switch that was on the side of wall right by the door r and flicked it on . The dark room soon filled up with light .I walked over to the mirror that was in front of our washer and dryer . I looked at my bruised and puffed up face. My eyes were almost shut because my face was so swollen from the frying pan hitting me in the face. I walked to the sink that was in the corner of the room , Mamma use to use it to was out stains that the washer couldn’t get out . I splashed some cool water on my swollen eyes. Then I walked to the other side of the room were my little moldy mattress laid on the solid cement floor . I laid my crippled body down on it , to see if it would help the aches that were racing though my body . I laid there for about hours just staring up at the ceiling. That’s when he walked in.
He busted though the door with enormous stealth and anger. “So little slut where were you today? ‘’ He screamed at the top of his lungs “Why you were late for your curfew, what boy were you making out with?” He lead over towards me and grabbed me by my long knotted blond hair and drug me off of the mattress and made me stand . He always wanted people to stand why he talked to him. He even made Mamma stand why she was having a important talk with him . “Answer me girl, why the hell were you late getting home!” Finely I answer him shaking every time I said something “ I am sorry but it wasn’t my fault a boy……………..” He slaps me across the face. “So it was a boy! What did I tell you about boy Emily? Now you’re probably pregnant now.” He screamed throwing his hands up in the air while he talked. “Well if you are I am getting rid of it. I don’t want a stupid baby crying all the time and eating my food ; just because I have a slut for a daughter “. I wanted to explain to him that I wasn’t with a boy but I wasn’t sure if should because I probably would get slapped again . But I try to tell him anyway. “But Daddy I didn’t do anything with him dad he knocked …….,…… he slapped me again. “ He knocked you up that’s what he did.” Emily what happened you were so nice to when you were little, but now you’re just a hoe and a slut, he told me. I then began to cry, as he walked out of the room I shouted at him.” But Daddy I didn’t do anything !” He then turned around very slowly. He had a look in his eyes that I have only seen once before. That was when I was put in the hospital with broken ribs. “ Did you just raise your voice to me , I shouldn’t even let you stay in the house you don’t deserve it your just a little speck of dirt on the ground under my shoes.” He told me in curl and demined way . “What did I don’t to make you hate me?” It isn’t my fault mamma died .” I screamed at him. He walked over to me as fast as he could without falling over because he was so drunk . He began to slap me a crossed the face again and again. As I screamed “ DADDY PLEASE STOP DADDY PLEASE !! DADDY YOU’RE HURTING ME! DADDY PLEASES! DADDY! “That’s all I remember from that night.
“Is he always that bad to Emily?’’ Mrs. Jonson asked me. I replayed “ No” “ sometimes he is the man that I grew up with before my mom died “, I said. That’s when I started to tell them about the day after that.

I woke up the next morning on the cold cement floor of our basement I couldn’t even open my eyes . They were swollen shut from being smacked over and over again. I don’t know how many times he hit me. I drag myself on to the mattress and lay down. I didn’t if he would make me go to school. I hoped not, and then the door opened. I started to scream “Daddy No please Daddy please!” But there was something different in his eyes. That when I knew he hadn’t drunk anything today. He walked over to me very calmly and peacefully. He bent down on his knees to the mattress , Then he called me the nickname that he had hadn’t called me since my mom died “ Elle I am so sorry I got so angry……….. And…………. And…………… “Then he began to sob on my broken torso. I gently picked up one of my hands and began to stroke his hair trying to comfort him.” Daddy please stop crying daddy please “I said. “ But Daddy I do need help I hurt really bad maybe I could go to the doctor , and get some help or something.” He picked up his head and then looked at me “ We can’t take you to the doctor Elle , they will start to ask questions and then they will try to take you away from me . “ I don’t want that and I don’t think you do ether. “ I looked at him for a while then I spoke “ Well maybe it would be good , you could go get some help and I could stay with someone for a while and then we could start over.” That’s when he changed again. “I DON’T NEED HELP! I AM NOT THE PROBLEM HERE! YOU ARE! YOU DISRESPECT ME ALL THE TIME, YOU DISOBEY MY RULES.” He began to shake me “ ITS NOT MY FAULT THAT I HAVE TO PUNISH YOU FOR THE THINGS YOU DO BAD ITS NOT .” He screamed at me. “DADDY STOP PLEASES DADDY YOU’RE RIGHT I AM SORRY! DADDY PLEASE STOP DADDY! “ As I watched his face change back into the gentle man I once new . “ Well we need to put some ice on your face because it’s not going to get any better if we don’t.” “ I will go get it stay right here”, He told me. That week he nursed me until I was able to go back to school again.

I was about six when he first changed. Mamma was in the kitchen making dinner for all of us. I was in the living room watching my favorite cartoon. Daddy was not home yet but he was supposed to be. Mamma kept looking out the window waiting for him to come home. She looked out the window one last time and then she went back into the kitchen and began to stir one of the pots on the stove . That’s when he stormed in screaming. “Sara! Sara where are you!” He walked over to me pulling me up by my long silky blond hair . “Where is your mother, girl?” He screamed in my face. Tears came to my eyes rubbing my head I said “Ouch! Daddy that hurt.” “I don’t care if it hurt I asked you a question girl, now answer me girl where……………….” “Daniel what’s going on here let her go” Mamma interrupted him snatching me away from him.” I got a call from Marci today , You know the woman that everyone says gossips all over town. Well she told me she saw you talking to James Taylor today at the super market . Are you seeing him again Sara are you!” He screamed. He then reached over and pushed me out of the way and began to shake her “ Sara why do you have to do this to me .” Why do you have to make me so mad?” He screamed. I could see terror in Mamma eyes. I ran over to him and through myself on his leg. I wrapped my legs and arms around his leg. “Daddy please stop your hurting Mommy. Daddy stop please.” I begged him. He looked down at me “ You stay out of this girl “ he said pulling me off of his leg. He then pushed mamma up against the wall . “ I guess I shouldn’t of married you in the first place . I should of listened to my mother. She told me that you would break my heart.. “
Just tell me one thing Sara do you get to keep the girl or do I .” Huh Huh “ he screamed. I sat in a corner rocking back and forth crying. I thought to myself were has my daddy gone . Where did the man that read me bed time stories about princesses and adventures go . Where did the loving man that I had known for six years go . Then at the top of her lungs Mamma screamed “ Daniel stop it your hurting me ! Look at Emma your scaring her . Stop it just stop it what the hell is wrong with you Daniel I what the hell did I do , I just talked to a old friend that’s all .” She explained to him. “Then what do I get ? I get blamed for sleeping with him, really Dan is that the kind of woman I am Dan some one that would take the chance of breaking up her family that she loves more than anything the world just to sleep with someone that for some reason I barely talk to these days! Come on Dan what do you take me for! “She screamed at him. “ You know what I take you for Sara ! you know what I take you for ! I TAKE YOU FOR A DIRT LIEING SHUT!” He shouted .Then Mamma frowned and then she became very angry , then she inched her hand out from be hinder and then slapped him a crossed the face. As I sat in the corner of the living room I then heard his voice change that fast . “Sara? Elle? What’s wrong ? what I was i………… what was I just doing ?” he asked in his calm sweet voice . My mother then pushed her way past my father and replayed “ Nothing its over now Danny its fine.” My father’s face sank into a frown and then he sat his eyes on me. I was still sitting in the corner if our living room rocking my little body back and forth crying my eyes out . “ Elle what’s wrong sweet heart are you sick? Sweetie?” He asked moving closer to me . I let out a high pitched scream and began to shake all over my body “MAMMA I SCREAMED DON’T LET HIM HURT ME MAMMA! “ I screamed “ Elle what’s wrong its Daddy I am not going to hurt you I would never hurt you sweet pea what’s wrong ?” Mamma came running in to the living room. She ran over to me and picked me up off of the floor and began to kiss me in the head. “ Sweetie Emily , Elle its all right Daddy just was mad he’s not going to hurt you its alright he’s not mad anymore . Its alright Emily calm down daddy didn’t mean to pull your hair he was just angry with me that’s all. It was all just a misunderstanding ok sweetie ?” She told me in her sweet voice , But looking up into her eyes I could tell that she was worried and scared and she was trying to figure out why Daddy had acted so strange tonight .

“ So Emily that was the only time that your father change before your mother died ?” the officer asked me . I shook my head yes. “Well Emily I need a little more evidence that you father has been treating you badly. Would you mind telling us about some of these times that you got hurt?” he asked me . I hesitated for minute and then shook my head yes. “ Okay then would you mind telling us about the time that you went to the hospital with four broken ribs?” the officer asked me . I looked down at the table recalling that night in my mind. I wanted to reamer every detail and every word that he said to me . Then I started “ Well first you should now that my room is at the top of the tallest stair case in are house . My room hasn’t always been up there thought . Before Mamma died I had a big room , oh it was such a nice room . It was a kind of room that every little girl dreams of. “ I told them flashing back my childhood memories. “ It was pink I think with white trim at the top of the ceil . I had a canapé bed that was covered with stuffed animals that I used to play tea party with . I loved playing in there all the time . But after my Mamma died Daddy moved me up to the little room at the top of the stair case that we used to keep things for storage. That is also the place that we let guest stay when they came to our house , he told me that he was moving me up there some he didn’t have to look at me anymore than he had to . He also called it his way of punishing me . I hate the way this room looks . Its small and it Dark .” I tell then talking with my hands like my daddy does . I guess I am kind of like him after all . I went on” There are no windows in the room so there is no sunlight coming in. The walls are painting Grey and the carpet is white . Its a kind of room that you would walk into and then just want to walk right back out of . It hasn’t always been this color
Daddy painted right after Mamma died to keep him busy . It use to be bright orange a very cheerful color . It was a place someone would feel happy in like my room .” I said I knew I was going of subject but I couldn’t help it I had wanted to tell someone my story for so long and now someone is finely listen to it . I went on “I would love to go back into my old room but Daddy told me that I wasn’t allowed back in there and if he found me in there something bad would happen. But that’s another story. Back to the story you want to know . It was about 4:00pm and I was up in my room studying for a big test that I would be having the next day in math When I heard a knock on the front door .
I want to go answer it myself but Daddy had been drinking and he was in a bad room so I fingered I should just stay in my bed room . I thought that was a good idea at that time , but later I found out that it wasn’t . I heard the front door open , where my bedroom is you can hear everything that happens in the house beside in the basement .” What do you want ?” I heard my Dad ask rudely . Then I heard a boys voice I readied it , it was Josh James from school . But what was he doing at my house then I remembered . We got paired up in Chemistry to do a project with each other . “ Hello Mr. Entreat my name is josh and I go to school with Emily and we have to ………….” “ I don’t care who you are and I don’t care what you want to do with Emily its not going to happen goodbye .” he said intruding him and slamming the door in his face. Listening to their short conviction down stairs started to send fear up my spine. I knew what was coming , so I tried to hide in my closet were I use to hide from him when I was little but this time it didn’t work. He walks up the tall staircase very slowly , slamming his fist against the walls as he walked up. I shivered in the closet waiting for him to come in . I prayed to god that he wouldn’t find me in there but he did. He got to the top of the stairs and ripped my door open with enormous anger.” WERE THE HELL ARE YOU GIRL ! I SAID WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU !!” he screamed at the top of his lungs. “WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU ! GET THE HELL OUT HERE !’’ he screamed . I sat in the closet trying to be very quit but something fell off the top shelf. He then turned around to face the closet .” Ahh there you are girl.’’ he said in a creepy voice . He walked over to the doors and pulled them open. He reached over with his fat muscly arm and pulled me out of the closet by my hair like he always did.