As soon as we got home our neighbors started practically crowding us with sorrys and plates of food. We tried our hardest to push past them while saying thank you and denying the dishes because the last thing our mom would want right now is our neighbors complaining about our “rudeness’’. After about 2-3 minutes we finally got to our house and sprawled on the couch.

Since my mother has not had the energy to clean, the house was covered in toys and other things that belonged to our younger siblings. We brought our siblings with us of course because we knew our mom would have expected that if we left ”early” we would bring them home with us.

  We decided it would be best if we started cleaning to have a safer place for our siblings to make more mess. We put them in their bed as they were already asleep and just like they where  were halfway through the funeral. We changed out of our very uncomfortable dresses into pajamas and started cleaning. We split the chores using rock, paper, scissors. Whoever won didn’t have to do the specific chore we both didn’t like and the person who lost would have to. I won, she crossed her arms in defeat and went to change our younger sister's diapers.

“UGH” Alondra groaned loudly.

I smiled and went to clean the dishes. There were multiple dishes towering over themselves in the sink, but they were very easy to clean. I started to pick up soda cans and put them in the trash bag that hangs off our pantry door. My sister came out with 2 dirty diapers and went out to the back where the trash bins were.

“We should have done best of 3, I would have won for sure,” Alondra said as she walked back in.

I finished picking up the cans and brought out the couch cleaner because even though the couch was black you could visibly tell it was very dirty. After we finished we sat on our couches with towels over them because they were still wet from the couch cleaner. My sister connected her phone to the tv because we couldn’t find the remote. She put on an animated movie that her friend recommended to her a while ago. The movie was called ‘A Silent Voice’. It is about a bully who reached out to the Deaf girl he had tormented in elementary school, but he feels unworthy of forgiveness and tries to make things right. Alonda said Her friend had very good taste in movies we could cry to. We turned off the TV and lazily walked back to our rooms as we heard our mother had arrived 

***

 I woke up to the sound of my mother making her daily milkshake and my sister looking for clothes. She left the room I am assuming to go shower and she slammed the door. 

“Bye niñas.”

 The blender stopped and I could hear the sound of the door opening and the car starting which left me confused. Was she going back to the grave or was she running errands? I walked out of my room into the kitchen and saw the kitchen was still clean, there was breakfast on the table. This was very unexpected for a woman who was still mourning her dead husband.

“As soon as Alondra comes out of the shower I’ll ask her if she heard our mom bring in the groceries.” I thought to myself.

I heard the water stop and I asked her.

“We went to the store with her, remember?”

“You ate a pizza on the way back home”

I don’t remember going to the store yesterday or at all this whole week. I decided that I'd just follow along with whatever she was saying.

“oh, yea right”

I went to check up on my younger siblings but they weren’t there either. This feels like a dream, I walked around the house to see lots of pictures of my dad.

“What are you doing?” I heard from afar.

That sounds like my dad. Last time I checked he was dead.

I turned towards him and he looked way younger than he did the day before he died. Now that I think about it, so did my sister. Something is wrong here, everyone is much younger, and my younger sisters are gone. There is not a single picture of them in the hallways or rooms.

“Nothing” I replied  

“Ok then go help your mom and Alondra clean the car. ” He said pointing out the front door. 

I said nothing as I went to go help my mom and sister outside. When I walked out the door I saw my mom and sister throwing soap and water at each other as they cleaned the car. I remember this. It’s 2015 the day everyone acknowledged I was growing up and started to ignore me. My sister is 10 and I am 7, considering I don’t remember much of my childhood reliving this part of it was not something I would like. I went to ask my mom for a towel to help clean knowing my dad would get mad if I didn’t help.

“There are no more towels, go back inside and clean your room or something- oh go look for your dad I haven’t seen him in a while ” She started angrily but then calmed down.

So I started looking, I practically looked for him around the entire house yet there was no sign of him anywhere. The only place I haven’t checked was the backyard, So there I went. There he was drinking beer while sitting on a rusty chair his mom gave him. I didn’t want to bother him because he usually only drinks when he is stressed, so I tried to leave as quietly as possible but failed.

“What are you doing here?” He said loudly, knowing I would not hear him if he said it quietly.

“Mom was looking for you. ” I said as loudly as I could trying not to yell

“Oh, ok go put on some socks and shoes you'll get sick if you keep walking around barefoot” He yelled while getting up from his chair.

I sat on my bed not knowing what to do because I wanted to spend time with my family but all they’d do is ignore me. I started coughing, they were probably cooking something involving chiles. I knew I wasn’t gonna like it so I started thinking about the food I could make for myself that wasn’t cereal. I thought of making a scrambled egg since it was the easiest thing to make and not suspicious for a 7-year-old to make. I got up and started making my way to the kitchen, The hallways being as dark as I remembered them. There were no light switches. It was a cord you would pull from the ceiling and it was just my luck because I couldn't reach it. I got to the kitchen and started making my egg. I finished it faster than I took to cook it.

Only because I spent a good 5 minutes looking for the right pan to cook my egg. It’s not that my mom is messy, she just has her system of putting things away and it leaves me confused. You could tell she cared about how the house looked even when we didn’t have enough to make it look “bougie” like what my aunt thought.

I maneuvered past the scattered toys in the living room and started walking back to my room. Which for a 7-year-old was very clean, I knew it was because my mom sometimes had nothing better to do than to clean everyone's rooms trying to look for things she could talk about with our neighbors or tias. Suddenly my mind went blank, I woke up in my bed. Not my childhood twin-size bed, MY bed, the one I have in my future at home. It took me a moment to realize I came back to the present but as soon as I did my sister, Who no longer looks 10, walks into the room.

She looked at me with a scared expression, it was the same expression she would have when my dad was still around and she did something “wrong”.

Have I not gone completely into the present? 

Just then heavy and angry footsteps approached our bedroom door.

They were most definitely not my mothers, she would never stomp to our rooms she was scared she would damage the hardwood floors.

The door opened to my drunk and very angry father. He yanked my sister out of the room while simultaneously yelling at her for getting a “bad grade”.

That’s when I noticed a paper she had dropped while being dragged. It was most likely her report card, that it was. She didn’t have a single “F”. But she did have a low B in Math, which for her I think is very good because she is in middle college so she has a lot of other homework she needs to get done. I knew if I tried to help her I would also get in trouble so I didn’t even try. 

…Zzzzz…zzzz…zzzz…zzzz…zzzz…zzzz

What is that noise? It sounds like it’s coming from outside 

I looked out the window and saw a shed that I had never seen before. I'm guessing my dad built it before he died because around 2 months before his death we were made to close and board our windows shut.

I turned back around as I heard my phone chime. It was my friend, she was telling me to start my ‘About me’ essay that is due in three days. I liked her message and sent a smiley face emoji. There is not a single word in my google doc, but that is because nothing has come to mind, well some things have but they aren’t something I would present in front of my history class. Not a lot of people enjoy writing about their interests, I would be one of those people. Being bullied is the last thing you could ever want anywhere; High School, Middle school,Elementary even most public places. My sister often got teased at home by my parents and by my aunt’s when we would go over to their house. I’m not very sure why they bullied her since it was just pop in korean. My parents often referred to them as her “Chinito novios’’, her chinese boyfriends, at school it wasn’t much different. However she did end up with a small group of friends that had the same interests as her.

Since it’s easier for me to work while playing music in the background, I played a playlist she made for me to get me into certain k-pop groups. I sat there on my bed still not knowing what to type, and clearly failing this class was not an option. I’m not very sure why my history teacher needed this considering it would never be brought up I'm assuming ever during his class.

“LILIANA, COME EAT!!” My mom yelled very loudly.

“I’LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE” I yelled back as I shut off my laptop. 

I shuffled to the kitchen tiredly while in search of food. They made Fettuccine Alfredo which was one of my sister’s favorite foods. I’m assuming my mom made it because she felt bad for her. I walked to the cabinet in the far corner of the kitchen and took out a very scratched plastic cup and a disposable plate, and served myself as much as I thought I would eat . My dad had already eaten, I could tell from the dirty plate in the sink and him sitting in the living room watching an action movie. My mom had finished eating and began to wash the dishes as she knew if they didn’t get done today she would have to wash them tomorrow. I start practically dragging my feet to my room, just then my mom yells my name telling me to clean the living room. That yell is then accompanied by my dad saying to not clean it because he wants to and he’d do it tomorrow. They then started arguing about how they should make us clean since we were the ones who made the mess. I told them I’d clean it just so the living room looks sort of decent for once.

I knew they were going to keep arguing so I put on some beats I was gifted to by my friend. She said her family was donating things they did not need and she knew how my parents were so she gave them to me. I slowly walked to the living room while simultaneously opening my phone to play music. Just about as soon as I finished my younger sister went to the bin I put them inside and dumped it on the floor. I didn’t even bother picking them up again knowing

they had both watched her dump the bin. During my walk back to my room my thoughts took over, Had this already happened? Having a bad memory was not helping at all right now. 

Bzzt bzzt 

My phone buzzed. It was a message from my friend. She was asking if I had started to study for our upcoming History test.

“ Heva you started studying yurt?” 

She wasn’t the best at typing on her phone, but this time she got the message across. Usually she’d have to end up sending a voice message.

“No I haven’t” I replied.

 “ U shoeirh heva” She replied assuming I knew what she meant which I did 

*You should have*

“ I heard it was an open note test and he already gave us a study guide so I don’t really need to study. I could just pull up the doc.” She replied  to this with a smiley face emoji and she said good night.

I put my phone to charge and turned off my headphones. I picked up a CD  that has only ocean sounds, I placed it in our very old and rusty CD player and went to get ready for bed. I did all the usual stuff like changing into pj’s, brushing my hair and brushing as well as flossing my teeth. I went back to my room and played the CD as I got in bed.

I wake up to the sound of my always set alarm and start to get ready for school. That’s when I noticed it was very very quiet, I walked into the living room and not a single soul was there. Everyone had already gone to work and school, and there was no one to drive me to school. It was a miracle  I had a bus pass given to me by the school. I finished getting ready and started walking towards the bus stop, the bus was already across the street. I started sprinting towards the bus stop and just barely made it. The bus reaches my stop, a few other kids get off the bus with me and start walking towards school. Right when I got to the gates of the school I was greeted by my friend and we started walking toward the stairs leading to our classes. The hallways were crowded with kids, some quiet and others very loud. I stopped in my tracks as I noticed my friend fall forward. I already knew she didn’t fall herself and that someone had pushed her. It was my elementary school bully, Juliana, she made fun of people by tripping them then yelling at everyone to look how they fell. She would trip people when there were no teachers but as soon as she saw one she’d stop. Most of the teachers knew that she was doing this but they didn’t really care, some would even laugh at the kid who fell. All the teachers were fond of her, but not a single student liked her. If they did they wouldn’t once she trips them multiple times. She had a very small group of friends who were 6th graders that were absolutely terrified of her. We continued walking and made it to our first class which is math.
 Our teacher told us to take out our workbooks and last night's homework. All of a sudden the school speakers started announcing a lock down. Apparently someone had entered the school premises with a gun. It’s all coming back to me, this is it, the day my dad died. Through-out the class you could see kids turning off their phones, some calling their parents and others texting their parents. The teacher and some students started to pile up chairs and desks against the door and close the windows. As soon as they finished gunshots were fired and screams were heard. 

The gunshots sounded as though they were very close. The shooter was next door and everyone was thinking the worst, that every student in that class had been killed. My teacher picked up his bat and was standing at the door. He opened the door as quickly as he could and hit the man in the head, knocking him unconscious. I was right it was my dad, nothing had changed, from inside the classroom you could see blood pool under his head. A couple minutes later paramedics arrived and took my dad. After they took my dad they evacuated the remaining students and teachers. About 3 classes, each having more than 30 students, had been killed by my dad. 

Everybody’s parents had been called and told what happened and that they needed  to come pick up their kids. The ride back home was a quiet one, it seems as though she knew he was up to something but not this.
“ You know I haven’t seen your father since yesterday after we went to sleep, I never would have thought he could do something like this.” she said quietly.

The rest of the ride home was silent. No comforting words. No nothing. When we got home she turned on the news and I went to my room. From afar I heard that they announced him dead. I wasn’t in the living room but I could practically see her tearing up. I layed down and tried to get everything off my mind. I played the CD I use to go to sleep, I layed down and closed my eyes, expectedly everything went black but I could no longer open my eyes