Anger is one of the most powerful feelings in the world. To have the power to be angry at someone for a long time makes that person pretty strong and committed. I could never hate someone just because they gave me a dirty look or because they talked to me with an attitude, but I could hate my mom

“This is what is going to happen, you can go with your mom or you can come home with me.” Dad looked like he would cry if I said I wanted to live with her.

“I want to go home with you. I hate it here, I hate her house, her job, and her friends. I want to live with you forever.” I said that to him in all confidence knowing that there was going to be a problem at some point. 

“ Ok,” my dad said. I think in his head he was jumping around like a kid getting ice cream but trying to keep it cool on the outside.

He looked at me and asked where the best hotel was and because I live in a small town, the best hotel was the only hotel. 

“Ok is there anything that you need from your mom's house? We can go and get it.” I told him no and we went to the hotel. As we were getting checked in I was starting to feel guilty for being happy about what I just did. I finally chose it because I wanted to. 

I didn't have to think about how it would affect mom or how this would make her feel.

Standing in this lobby that almost looked like the inside of a school office with all the different chairs and desks, I started to think about how I will tell people. Do I just pull a Houdini and disappear or do I tell people in town? God only knows what my mom is going to say to people. “That nasty man he calls dad took MY son away from me”.

All I can think of is the younger me and what I wanted, well needed. I wished mom and dad would stop fighting. I wished that this time when I called him things wouldn't get out of control

‘’Dad I think something is wrong with mom again,” I said this and he agreed. What should I do though? How should I handle yet another situation of her doing this again?

“What happened, is she drinking again?”

“Yes, but it is a whole lot worse.”

I guess mom is the one who likes to start fighting. I just want her to let me explain what I'm feeling and not just jump to the point. I need her to understand that I can’t live for her or because of her. I can’t be an adult when I am barely a teenager. 

I remember about a month ago having to tell her that when we get the money we can’t spend it immediately. She didn’t like that. I had been standing in the middle of the living room in front of the t.v and the couch where a coffee table would normally be.

“ Mom, stop moving around, it's ok, are you sure you're not drunk?”

  “I'm not drunk ok,” she said.

“That sounds convincing but whatever let's get you to your bed,” I said trying just to get her off the couch

“No, I have to go back out and meet up with my friends.”

I was looking at her and trying to think about what I was going to say without sounding like I was telling her what to do and she just looked around the room as if I wasn't even there like she was trying to ignore the words coming out of my mouth.

“With what money are you going to go out with mom? We barely have enough money for dinner?”

“ OK so give me the dinner money, I will go out and get  you some food and then use the rest.”

“ No. when we first moved to Cambria I gave you money that we needed and then you sent out and spent it all in one night and then the lights were out for a week.” 

At this point, I was getting annoyed because I just wanted to be able to eat dinner knowing I wasn’t going to have to worry about when the next time I eat was. 

“ You know I'm getting tired, of you thinking that you can talk to me any way you want, your not an adult and it's not like I disappear in the middle of the night”

 This is when I started to think, who is she to tell me not to act the way I am? I'm acting responsibly because someone has to.

“ Okay, so when you start to act like an adult or do adult things then I will gladly act like a teen and do teenage things, But until that happens I’m gonna have to act like an adult!” I yelled at her. You could tell that she didn't like that. She was getting up and as she was about to yell at me she looked at the door. It almost looked like she wanted to go upstairs to her room but she didn't, she just left.  

Standing there in the hotel room I'm starting to think about how life is going to be when I get to Dad. After the divorce, I never really got to go to my dad's house because my mom was always drinking and I had to hide the keys so she wouldn’t start to drive off somewhere.

Dad came back from doing something in the lobby, and I didn't say a thing to him. I don't know why but I just had no words to say; I was happy I was living in Cambridge but also sad. I was going to be moving back to Lynn- which I like a 5-hour car ride- soon, and right now my mom had no idea. I don't know, maybe I will feel better after a good night's sleep so that's what I did, I went to sleep.

After I had one of the best nights of sleep in my life I looked over at dad to see what he was doing, and he was just getting out of the shower. I started to get up and I went to the bathroom. I looked at my face and for the first time in a long time, I looked happy. I looked at my eyes and noticed they were changing from dark forest green to foggy sage green. I guess this is what happens when you are happy because I haven't seen my eyes look this color since before me and mom moved to Cambria,

I had to get to school that day so after I got ready I asked dad to drop me off at school because the bus would have already stopped at the end of my street. When we got in his beat-up honda civic I stopped and had to think. I had to think about mom, about dad, about me, about a whole bunch of different things and it was making my head hurt. I looked at dad and I hugged him. I never hug people because I was never hugged so hugging made me feel nervous and claustrophobic but for some reason, the rest of my body was saying to just hug him because something terrible was going to happen. 

“I love you, dad,” I said to him, almost ready to cry. I felt like there was a speed bump in the throat

“I love you too kid, don't ever forget that”.

We got to the school and there were a whole bunch of people and police cars surrounding the school. I got out of the car and ran to the town sheriff. A million different things were going through my head at this point

“Jim, what happened, are you ok, what's wrong”?

‘’Where the hell have you been, we’ve been looking for you all morning.’’

“What's wrong!”

“Your mom is missing!”