Do you ever get the feeling like every day you walk this earth, you’re like a shadow behind someone ? you’re not really paid any attention to, maybe you’re a ghost in your own life, or maybe your life is a movie, but you’re not the one starring in it you’re the one watching it In the audience, it’s like you’re here physically but you’re not really hereat all , maybe your somewhere far, far away and the clouds are pink, you feel weightless and your sitting on a grassy mountain listening to the soft, quiet  and peaceful noise of a beautiful waterfall, staring at nothing but enjoying the pace at mind, that’s how my dreams were every night   , right before I woke up and  everything felt still .              Every morning , when I blinked my eyes open  and my ears were filled with the loud constant ringing of my phone alarm , I was remined of the day that awaits me , the long never ending day , that’s when the dark shadowy disfigured monster climbed from under my bed up onto my feet and the freakishly  inhumane long  fingers  ran up my body , until it hovered directly over me  , staring  right into my eyes , I stared right back at the red beady eyes , fear and worry creeping up on me ,  I couldn’t move , I couldn’t speak ,  and I couldn’t breathe , I could only lay there , the monster looked at me like it was testing my strength and this was a battle I was going to lose , It was the battle that  I’ve been losing since the start of sophomore year . The shadow figure opened its mouth and let out a loud dark screechy scream throwing up the feeling of dread and anguish that flooded my soul.  Just then my door swung open, and I felt like I could finally breathe again, I looked at my door and saw my mother standing there, holding the doorknob looking at me in disbelief that I wasn’t up and dressed yet, “why are you still in bed?” She asked, in an “are you serious” tone, that I didn’t care to reply to , I could only let out a shaky  sigh ,  feeling bad for myself yet again, she closed my door after a “get dressed”, and I took one finale deep breathe staring up at my ceiling, thinking about how my day would go until  I finally decided to get up. when I was done getting dressed just before I left my house, I looked at myself once more in the mirror, from toe to head, and that’s where my eyes were met once more with my own personal sleep paralysis demon, that hung onto me throughout the day ,  smiling at me in victory, with It’s heavy, gloomy feeling weighing me down, but I did my best to brush It off.   Once I climbed out the car with my brother “Chris” and said my goodbyes to my mother and younger siblings, I watched them drive off , when I looked up I was standing Infront of the prison shaped , dirty color school , Chris had walked off without me eager to see his friends and I was feeling apprehensive about the time I’m about to spend here .       It wasn’t that I hated school, or the work, or that I was lazy it was the fact every day I stepped foot into the school and when my skin was met with the cool air breeze, I felt the automatic wave of nausea hit me, and my head pounded like the thoughts that lived in it were fighting, I felt total despair.   I know how high school is supposed to be fun and your supposed to have the time of your life, meet new people, and find your career path, but for me I felt like I was on a deserted abandoned zombie island completely alone, and  nobody was coming to save me, this was something I had to figure out on my own. I’d like to consider myself to be the ‘’survivor girl”, but that’s only in slasher movies, so In my case, a zombie apocalypse I’d be considered a “breather”, and my other class mates where the zombies, my school was being taken over by zombies, and  I was left to fend for myself amongst the living dead .                                                                        I felt like I was at a constant battle with everyone else majorly because I wasn’t like anyone there, I didn’t feel I really had a common interest with anyone, I hated being around the snobby teens who seemed to lack home training and morals, it was like being 16 and your at a family party, and your forced to eat dinner with the little kids , instead of eating with the adults .  First period I sat alone, my teacher wasn’t really Intune with anything, I can’t say I’d blame her , most of these kids in my school could care less about anything anyways. During my second period I sat around boys and girls who were all friends with each other , and talked about the most obnoxious topics ever ,  often times I’d watch the girls get disrespected by the guys around them and laugh about it , I listened to guys gossip more than girls did , about other  girls, I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that people actually tolerated that kind of behavior , just so they wouldn’t seem up-tight or be disliked                                                                                                                                       .Most  of my day I felt at a loss , it was like being in a dark empty room alone , no noise , no movement , just emptiness .  I would walk past people I used to have a good friendship with, as if I never met them a day in my life, but even strangers are friendlier than they were.                                                                                                                            By the end of the day at 2:45 , when the bell rung and I picked myself up from my seat moving  my feet outside  the classroom door  and down the hall out  of the building I was hit with the heat of the Texas  sun ,  that felt good beaming down  on my skin and comforted me In a way my mother’s hugs would  , I got into the car with my brother , and talked regularly with my dad,  then we left and went about our day , but that same deprived  feeling stuck with me .                                                                                          Until the next morning came, and my alarm woke me up, then cycle repeated, until I eventually broke, I gave In to the sorrow and unwelcoming feeling school gave me, and I finally surrendered holding up my white flag before the school of zombies.  I cried to my parents looking for them to understand me, my dad had a hard time understanding why the sudden outburst, and I had to explain to the best of my ability that school didn’t feel like a second home to me anymore, I didn’t feel comfortable , I wasn’t happy , and I wasn’t fitting in anymore  . I had zero classes with any of my friends , so I sat alone  with my headphones in , and if I wasn’t forced to converse I didn’t , it wasn’t that I didn’t want to , but any time I tried to have a  conversation with somebody it was very rare that they understood what I was thinking , or could relate , with sitting alone and minding my own business I had plenty of time to compare myself to my other class mates , I watched how people became people I never thought they would become , sure we all change but I feel a big factor in that is the people you are around , I looked at kids  I’ve known since kindergarten change into zombies , the whole environment of school made me drained and was polluted with this virus of acceptance , that made me  emotionally , mentally and physically tired ,  and in total  I just didn’t feel I had a place in that high school anymore . Me being on the outside of everything, staying in my own  little bubble ,  made me realize a lot, and recite the past , I thought about how whenever I was in middle school , I had the freshest shoes , listened to “in” music , and cared so much to be seen and it worked . I was “cool” with everyone, but I also wasn’t myself. Now , I feel more and more everyday like I’m disappearing , or sinking into a dark never-ending hole slowly , like I’m the dog that meows , I didn’t feel any interest in school , I didn’t feel like I belonged , everyone looked the same , talked the same , dressed the same , and acted In the same ways (hints why I call them zombies) , and that’s something I didn’t necessarily want to be a part of , I understood that when my need to fit in died I basically did too , and that’s something I’m learning to come to terms with .