*car screeches* Brady pulls in fast to the parking spot next to mine, with his piece dump orange jeep he loves dearly. *car door slams shut* Me and Brady walk into school together, talking about last night’s game that I could not go to, because of my grades. Brady and I split going to our separate first blocks both with the look of irritation on our faces. 

I sit down, all the way in the back of the classroom, phone up to face until I get yelled at. Mr. Maren rambles on and on about Algebra, x, and y, his smart board pen hitting the board the same time he is talking. He is all dressed up in his button-up shirt tucked into his brand new looking pants, and his math tie, talking math language I do not understand. Grace is in front of me shouting out all the answers, god she is annoying, just shut up, I can not focus. I just quickly write down every damn thing he is writing on the board at like 100 millimeters per second. He pauses itching his beard, which is moreover just unshaved hair.

He asks “Everybody understand?” Everyone shakes their heads, and I go along with them. 

“Alright then, try the next few problems on your own.” 

Everybody looks down, heads into paper, and immediately starts writing, erasing, and flipping pages, but I just stare blankly at my paper, clueless. I start writing pretending I know what I am doing, so Mr. Maren doesn’t rat me out again. There’s math on my paper, it does not make sense and it is only one problem, but it is something. It has only been like fifteen minutes in and I am already finding a way to ditch class. I am supposed to be getting my grades up so I can play the next game. 

I raise my hand anyway, “Can I get a drink of water?”  

“Yep,” he says in his raspy elderly voice, looking up quickly to see who asked then back down at the papers he is grading.

I start walking to the water fountain that is closest to the classroom, then decide to take a turn and go to the one downstairs. As I am drinking my water, taking as long as possible, the only sound is me slurping the water, the rest of the school is dead silent, in a way it was too quiet like people say “the calm before a storm.” Then all of a sudden the lockdown drill goes off, scaring the living crap out of me. I am not close to the front desk at all, it is on the complete opposite side of the school, so nobody knows I am not in a classroom. I am not scared or anything, I am sure it's just a drill. I start to speed walk back to my classroom anyways. All the other classrooms are already locked, with their shades shut so they can not see me. I can hear people shuffling around, moving desks, and heavy things up to the door, so I can not go into any of those classrooms, and plus they do not even know I am out here. I could yell for someone to let me in, but honestly, that would just cause more trouble. When I get near the class the door is closed, I mean I get it you can not just leave the door wide open, if you are missing someone you have to continue with the lockdown. I try the handle, nope, I knock, positive someone would come to the door and ask who it was, then they would open it knowing it was me. Nobody. 

I knock again, and whisper loudly, “It’s Kayden.” I hear a little shuffling, but nothing. 

I panic what the hell am I supposed to do. Shoot! I start walking around to see if I see anybody, but nobody yet. It is so quiet. *Distant footsteps* Someone coming, police, another student, a murderer, I don’t know. I hide slightly around the corner next to the lockers, in case it is someone who is planning on killing me, I am not trying to die in school. Wait what…

 “Brady,” I whisper, he does not hear me, and no wonder why, I can hear his music from where I am. 

“Brady,” I whisper a little louder, coming out of my hiding spot. 

“Huh,” He says back ever so casually, looking up from his phone, taking an earbud out. 

“What the hell are you doing out here,” I say

“Oh heeeey,” He says “Whatcha doin?” 

“What, What are you doing?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Why are you out here?” 

“Oh, ugh, English was such a boring man, I had to get outta there,” He pauses, “Why are you acting so weird?” 

“Do you not know what’s going on?” I say

 “Uh… no, there’s something going on, what is it, ooh is it good, why are you whispering?” 

“Brady… There’s a goddamn lockdown, you idiot,” I whisper yell. 

“Oh, then why are you out here then?”

“I went to the water fountain and then the alarm went off.” 

“I didn't even hear it.” 

“Yeah, no kidding.” 

“So, what should we do,'' he says, sounding somewhat concerned.

“I don't know, why are you asking me, you think I know what to do,” I say slightly panicked 

“Ok ok, um lets just stay here until it's over, or the police people come,” Brady says assuring.

We both slide down slowly against the lockers and sit on the cold, gross school floor. “And lets hope we don't die,” Brady adds sarcastically

“Yeah,” I say back.

There's a moment of silence and we are both listening for any kind of noise. Then there are distant footsteps, once again. 

“You hear that,” Brady says 

“Yeah.”

“Should we go see who it is?” 

“No what if it's a shooter, or a stabber or something.” 

“A stabber?” 

“Yeah, like what if he has like one of those kitchen knives or something he's going to murder us with.” 

“Dude, it's probably a police officer, come on,” Brady says, grabbing me by the hand and pulls me up aggressively. We both peak our heads around the corner into the hallway. I see another kid. Wait, is that Jeremy, me and Brady both turn and look at each other thinking the same thing. 

We go behind the wall again, “Isn't tha-'' I start to say, but Brady cuts me off as he already knew what I was going to say.

 “Yep.” 

“Weird.” Another student out just roaming the halls. 

We both peak around the corner again, with just our heads popping out. He pauses where he is, still a good distance away, but we decide to call for him anyway.

“Hey Jer-” Brady whispers loud enough so he might hear, but stops instantly as Jermmy turns and we see a gun in his hand. 

Brady and I stare shocked for about five seconds, and then instantly swing our heads back around the corner, we look at each other, “Jeremy…” Brady whispers.

“Yeah,” I whisper, still shocked. 

“Has a gun,”

“Mhm mhm,” I snap out of it. 

“What do we do, do you think he saw us,” I say getting in position to start running

“I don’t know” Brady whispers. 

Brady looks around the corner again, Jeremy is still standing there staring into one of the classrooms like he does not know what to do next, which to kill first like he has not planned it all out, he is just going on a rage. 

Brady turns back, “He's still there.”

“What the hell do we do,'' I say again. 

“I don't know,” Brady whispers yells. 

We hear footsteps. We don't know if he’s walking into the classroom or towards us, we start running as fast but quietly as we can. We run and run for what feels like forever. Trying to not breathe, as we run, or accidentally slam our foot down. We run all the way to the other side of the school, as far as we can go. We get to a point where it was either hide or keep running, my first instinct is to hide. Brady stops and turns around to see if we are running from anybody, nobody, and then he continues to run behind the wall where I was hiding so Jeremy could not see us if he comes down the hallway.  

“We have to hide, I mean that's what everybody else is doing,” Brady says frightened. 

“Okay”

 “Okay,” Brady says back as he ponders where to hide.

“Do you think he heard us,” I add, thinking back to if we were quiet enough?

 “I don't know,” he pauses, “Come on.” 

I follow him. We start heading towards the furthest bathroom from where we just were. As we get close to the bathroom we start speed walking. Brady pushes down the doorknob slowly, then swings open the door. Before we even get into the bathroom, I hear laughing.

“Brady, did you hear that,” I say concerned

“What,” he says, still holding the door open ready to sprint into the bathroom. 

“I just heard someone laughing.” 

“Kayden, what, you're going crazy, cmon.” 

“No, listen.” 

We both pause, and listen, waiting for the laugh again, or maybe I am going crazy. We walk towards the light voices coming from the girl’s bathroom. Brady starts to open the door.

“Dude, what are you doing,” I say.

“Seeing who's in here,” Bradys says, pausing from opening the door, and looks at me like I’m stupid.

 “But that's the girl’s bathroom.” 

Brady stops again, and looks at me the same way, with an annoyed face, “Did you really just say that?” 

He continues to open the door. We walk in, turn the corner to where the sinks and mirrors are. There they are, I was right. It was Olivia and Kylie, the two girls, that go everywhere together. It smelt like perfume in here. Olivia was looking in the mirror, fixing her outfit, and making sure her face looked good. They are both basically wearing the same outfit, ripped jeans, a crop top, and their bright white shoes. Kylie’s sitting on the counter, and Olivia’s looking at the mirror. Brady and I both stare confused on why they are just hanging out in the bathroom during a lockdown. When Kylie notices us she jumps slightly but brushes it off. Olivia looks over with judgment, we are not the most popular people in school. Kylie looks over smiling confused, she’s the nicer one. 

“Um, hi,” Olivia says confused. 

“Um, yeah hi,” Brady says back mocking her, and stepping further into the bathroom “Whatcha doin?” 

“Nothing, you,” She says b*tchy, turning towards Kylie, they both widen their eyes making the same face of judgment. 

 “Oh nothing much, just running from Jeremy who happens to have a gun,” Brady says back with a sarcastic tone. 

They both laugh, then stop as they see we are not laughing with them. 

“Wait really,” Kylie says

“Yeah, really,” Brady says back, mocking her again.

“Um, yeah, we should really be quiet,” I add 

“Do you not know there’s a lockdown?” Brady says. 

“No, we do, we’re not stupid,” Olivia says tucking her dark brown, perfectly straight hair behind her ear. 

Brady and I look at each other and both roll our eyes.

“So then why are you in the bathroom?” Brady says confused.

“Because we had to go pee,” Olivia says back.

“Mhm, no that’s not what I meant, why didn’t you go back to the classroom if there's a lockdown” 

“Uh, because you're supposed to stay in the bathroom or go into the closest room.” 

“Oh,” Brady says back, feeling dumb 

“Shh,'' I say, widening my eyes.

“What’s your problem? '' Olivia says, giving me a dirty look.

“Uhh, I’m trying to keep us from getting killed.” 

“From what?” 

“My god,” Brady whispers loudly

“Jeremy, he has a gun,” I say, trying to sound serious so they believe me. 

“You’re serious,” Kylie says, jumping off the counter. 

“Uhh, yes, why would we joke about that?”

“You would.”

“Ok, well we’re not,” Brady butts in.

“Yeah,” I add on.

 “So can we just be quiet, so we don’t die, that would be great.”

Kylie's face starts to look worried as she believes us, but Olivia does not seem to care. “Olivia we’re serious,” I say.

“Ok,” she says back looking down at her phone. 

“So who-” Kylie starts to say but I cut her off again with the shushing. 

“Who might or might not have a gun?” she says again in a softer voice. 

“Oh, he has one,” Brady says.

Kylie rolls her eyes and then looks back at me, her deep green eyes, staring into mine.

“Jeremy,” I whisper.

“Who’s that?” 

“You know, Jeremy.”  

“Mhmm, not helping,” she says back with a smirk. 

“Uhh, he’s in our history class, I think.” 

“Yeah,” Brady says back agreeing with me 

“Yeah.”

“Mhmm…” Kylie says, still trying to guess, frowning her eyebrows.

 “That weird kid,” I say, feeling slightly bad.

 “Yeah, he pretty much wears the same thing every day,” Brady adds as well. 

“Oh, yeah, I think I know who you're talking about,” she says excitedly as she finally gets it, “Germy.” 

“No, Jeeerrremy,” Brady says, mouthing each letter slowly like he's talking to a confused toddler. 

“Ugh, I knoooow,” she says back mockingly as well. 

‘We call him “Germy.”’ 

“Ohhhh,” Brady says.

“Makes sense,” I say nodding my head. 

“Mhm mhm,” Brady says and lets out a quiet snort. 

“So, he really has a gun,” she whispers

 “Yep,” Brady says 

“Did you see it?”

“Nope, we just know,” Brady says sarcastically.

 “Yes,'' I say, after assuring her that Brady is not being serious.

“Where?” 

“It was in his hand, we saw it. He was near the math wing, we ran the furthest from there we could.” 

“Yeah,” Brady says, agreeing.

 “Um, this bathroom isn't that far from there, you know.” 

“We know,” We both say back.

“So, you're telling me there could be a shooter outside the door right now, that's gonna kill us,” Kylie says, making up one of the possible scenarios. 

“Yes,” Brady says sarcastically once again. 

“No,” I say, giving him a look not to scare them. 

“No,” he says back, going along with what I'm saying. 

We're quiet for a second listening for noise, to see if Kylie’s scenario could be true, but we hear nothing. 

Olivia butts in, “So, if Germy-” 

“Jeremy,” Brady cuts her off.

 Olivia gives him a look.

“What, he might be able to hear us,” Brady says in defense.

Olivia rolls her eyes and goes back to what she was saying, “If Germy has a gun, it’s been at least fifteen minutes since the lockdown went off, and you guys only got here like five minutes ago, then where are the police, and why have we not heard a gunshot?” 

“Mhm mhm” Brady says sarcastically nodding his head and pointing his finger. 

Olivia gives Brady a dirty look and then looks at me waiting for an answer. “I mean, if you think about it when is a lockdown ever this long?” 

“Yeah,” Brady says back pointing his finger at me now.

“God,” Kylie says butting in “Can we just stop arguing, shooter or not we-” a shot echoes through the school, me and Brady duck down by instinct, Kylie flinches, and Olivia jumps. When the gunshot echo stops me and Brady stand up. 

“Do you believe us now,” Brady whispers yells. 

“Holy crap,” Kylie whispers, “Did he just kill someone?” 

“Probably,” Brady says to be funny again, but this is the wrong situation to do so.

 “I don't know,” I say right after hoping they did not listen to what Brady said. 

“Can we call someone to come help us,” Kylie says for advice?

“No, we can’t,” I say, “He could hear us, and they can't do anything anyway, it’s a lockdown no one is allowed in.” 

“Except for the police,” Brady adds 

“Plus, the phones barely work anyway, there's hardly any service in this school,” Olivia says, actually believing us now. 

“Then where are they,” Kylie says frantically, ignoring what Olivia said. 

“I don't know,” I say 

“Probably planning how to come in without getting killed,” Brady says

“It's taking them long enough,” Olivia says.

Kylie is starting to get worried, “Yeah, we have to do something.”

“Like what,” Brady says.

There is silence for a moment, as we’re trying to think of what to do, where to go.

Brady stands up from leaning on the wall, “The bathroom, the boy’s bathroom next to this has a window, you can see the front view of the school.” 

“What's that gonna do for us,” Olivia says.

“We could see what's going on out there, if there's police, how many police, maybe we could get their attention,” he says.

“Yeah,” I say, agreeing that that is a decent idea unless anybody can come up with a better one. 

“So you want to go outside this bathroom and risk coming in contact with a shooter,” Olivia says unsure. 

Brady sighs, and turns to the door, “Alright well are we gonna do this or not?” 

There's silence, and then Olivia mutters, “This is stupid.” 

Brady turns to her, “You have any better ideas, were all open?” 

“Yeah,” she pauses, “stay here and wait for somebody to come get us.” 

“We could get killed before that,” I say

“Yeah, cmon Liv,” Kylie says, agreeing with our plan. 

Olivia stands there like she’s not going to change her mind. 

“Suit, yourself,” Brady says, turning ready to walk out, but I pull his arm back.

“Do you want to stay here by yourself,” I say?

“I don't care,” she says quietly, all of us knowing she cares. 

“No, you don't,” Kylie grabs her hand.

I get ready to turn the handle, but Brady stops me and I freeze thinking it was something bad. He gets on the floor and looks under the door.

“Ok,” he says, putting his thumb up.

I give him an annoyed look and go back to focusing on the door handle. I turn the handle as quietly as I possibly can, you can hear the spots where I stop from the noise. The door is taking forever to open, I keep pausing when it creaks. Everybody’s all lined up, Me, Brady, Kylie, and then Olivia. I can feel Brady breathing over me trying to see what I see, and knowing he is on his tippy toes since I am taller than him. The door is slightly open where you can see what is outside this bathroom, so far a wall, with random school events all over. 

Brady whispers “Anything?” 

“Shh,” I say taking my head away from the door crack and lifting the doorknob back up. 

I give Brady a nod at the door, signaling to look through the door crack for me, so I can still focus on opening the door. Brady put his eye up to the crack and nodded his head for me to keep going. I slowly continue to open the door, taking all the time in the world, to make sure we don't make the slightest noise Jeremy could hear. It seems it would almost be easier to just open the door fast and sprint out of here into the other bathroom. Us just opening this door this slow to make sure there is no noise, is time that Jeremy could just be getting closer and closer. Out of nowhere a gunshot echoes through the school again but is still distant. I jump and close the door on Brady’s head, luckily it stopped it from making any noise. 

“Ow,” Brady mouths and gives me a dirty look, and I pull the door back to the position it was in.

I can hear Kylie whisper nervously in the back of me, “My god, hurry up.”

I start opening the door at a faster pace, Brady is backing up more and more as I open the door. He puts his hand out to stop but is still looking out the door. The door is open at least two inches now, I’m almost squished in between the door and the wall, but not quite. I am scared to move. Kylie and Olivia are waiting behind us, you can tell Kylie wants to look, but she is too scared to make a noise. 

We get the door open at last, it is so quiet out there, there is not a single noise, only us breathing, and the sound of my heartbeat. Brady gives the nod that it is safe and we all start slowly walking step by step, all of us in sync. We all pass over to the other side of the hallway like we're crossing a street. We push up against the wall arriving where it cuts off and turns into another hallway, and squat low. Brady peeks around the corner then swings his head back instantly.

“What,” I say scared.

“He’s there,” Brady says shocked.

“What,” Kylie repeats after extremely worried. 

“Well is he coming our way?”

Brady peeks his eye around the corner once again.

“No, he’s going the other way now,” he says taking a breath, still peeking his head out slightly just so his eye can see. “He’s behind the wall now,” he says, turning back around to face me, “Were just gonna have to wing it.” 

“I mean it’s right there,” I say looking at the boy’s bathroom. 

I turned to Kylie and Olivia and nodded my head towards the bathroom to signal we're going to make a run for it. We all run trying to be fast, but are really going slow. Brady pushes the handle down slow and then swings open the door. We all shuffle inside, not knowing if he was even behind us because none of us wanted to look. We all just freeze when we get in the bathroom, waiting for Jeremy to come barging in. 

“Can we lock the door or something,” Kylie whispers so quietly you could barely hear her?

“No they disable them,” Olivia says looking at the door.

Brady tries it anyways. He turns around and shakes his head. Then instantly turns towards the high little rectangular window in the bathroom, that looks like a basement window. Brady signals for me to lift him so he can see. 

I look up at him waiting for a reaction, “Anything?”

“Everything,” he says, jumping off my hand trying to land quietly.

He nods his head up for me to look. I step on his hand and push up, the brightness overwhelms my eyes for a split second and then I see. Police, Fire Trucks, Parents, other professional-looking people, students walking out with their hands on their head. I step down. 

“Uh guys,” Olivia and Kylie have their ear up to the door.

“Someones out there,” Kylie whispers, turning back around towards us. 

“We have to hide,” Olivia whispers as well.

“It could be the police” I whisper.

“It doesn't matter,” she says running over to the stalls, “stand on the toilette.”

Kylie follows and goes into the stall next to her. Brady and I pause giving each other a look, unsure of that plan, but then follow, instantly running into separate stalls next to each other. When we stand up on the toilet our heads pop right out of the stall, barely but enough. We look at each other, our eyes widen, and both duck down.

The footsteps grow louder, the door slowly opens, creaking a little. I hold my breath. Jeremy walks around the bathroom almost casually but suspiciously like he doesn’t know we are in here. I can only see flashes of him as he walks by my stall. A stall door bangs open, he is going to search them. I start to panic, there’s nothing we can do now. He gets to Olivia’s stall and starts banging on the stall door expecting it will open. 

“Is someone in here,” he says looking under the stall for feet but obviously doesn't see any? 

He pushes all of the other stall doors, us four stalls not opening and the others slamming open. 

“If someone is in here, come out now or or I’ll kill you,” Jeremy says in an unsure way.

I’m trying to breathe so slowly right now, I can barely breathe, my legs are getting tired, and I’m basically doing a long squat. I wonder how the others are doing right now if they are scared, if they are tired, are they going to give in. There is still silence as Jeremy is waiting for one of us to come out from his threat, but nobody does. 

“I’m serious,” he says like he does not want to have to kill us unless he knows who we are. 

There is silence again, nobody budges. Maybe we should go out, maybe we should not, I do not know what to do except just stay still. He can not be sure that anybody is actually in here. *plop* Something drops, there's a little shuffling then silence. Did I drop something, I try to look down with just my eyes, so I don't move too much. Nothing. My feet are balancing on the outside of the toilet, and haven't moved since I got on it.

Jeremy threatens us again, now that he for sure knows someone is in here, “Come out now, or I will kill you,” he says again, more confident. 

It is still quiet, no one moves, even though we are already busted. 

“Then I’m coming in,” he says. 

He starts to approach Olivia's stall. I hear someone step down sort of quiet but not really, the stall lock slides open. I stand up taller and peek my head out the top of the stall slightly, Jeremy does not notice. He is standing there, the gun is in his hand tightly, and he’s staring at the stall next to mine. When the door starts to open, Jeremy puts his finger on the trigger. Brady walks out and just stands there with his hands up. I step down and open the stall door. I stand next to where Brady is with my hands up as well. Jeremy puts the gun up, pointing it at us, as soon as we walk out. 

“What do you want,” Brady says his voice trembling.

Jeremy ignores him, “Who else is in here,” He shouts pointing the gun at the two locked stalls left. 

One of the stall doors open, Kylie walks out, her hands up as well. We wait for Olivia, but she does not come out. 

“Come out now or I’ll shoot,” Jeremy says, his hand with the gun shaking.

“Olivia,” Kylie whispers, to the stall. 

Olivia takes a second, and then walks out, her shaking her phone off that is dripping wet. 

“Ugh,” she says looking disgusted at her phone. 

Then she looks up, to the gun pointing at her from a distance, and puts her hands up immediately. 

“What happened to your phone,” Kylie whispers.

“I dropped it in the toilet,” Olivia whispers back, still staring into the gun.

“Why did you have it out,” Brady says, peaking over at her kind of disappointed, seeing that we could’ve gotten away with hiding. 

Olivia  turns to Brady, “So I could call 911, but now it doesn’t wor-” 

“Shut up,” Jeremy yells, he can tell we're not as scared of him as he wants us to be. 

We all look back, shocked, and freeze. 

“Why are you doing this,” I say trying to come up with a peaceful solution for everybody. 

“Shut up,” Jeremy says again, pointing the gun at me, I back up a little. 

“You two,” he says, pointing the gun over at Olivia and Kylie, walking towards them.

“Do you think I can't hear you guys laughing at me behind my back, with your judgy little eyes?” 

He points the gun at just Olivia and walks closer to her, “Especially you.”

The gun is right on Olivia now, “Germy-Jeremy, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll do anything, I won’t make fun of you anymore-” she says, shaking. Me, Brady, and Kylie all have a look of disappointment on our faces, from Olivia saying “Germy.”

Jeremy cuts of her apology, ‘Is that what you call me, “Germy,” how stupid of you.’

He lines up his gun, with the top of her forehead, Olivia closes her eyes. 

Kylie jumps out a little, “No, don't,” she yells.

Jeremy points the gun at her, “Don't make me kill you too.”

Brady pulls her back, and Jeremy goes back to Olivia. 

“If only you treated me better, you may have had a better chance.”

He pulls the trigger back, two loud gunshots go off, one instantly after the other. 

We all duck and squint our eyes. When I open my eyes again Olivia is on the ground, there is blood gushing out of her forehead, and a puddle below her. Jeremy is on the ground next to her blood streaming out of the back of his head, and a police officer standing over him. I didn’t even realize he came in. I was so terrified and so focused on Jeremy. 

“No,” Kylie runs over to Olivia, she looks shocked for a split second and then instantly starts to cry. 

Brady and I look over at each other astounded, I take a breath of relief, and look over at Kylie.

“Is she dead,” I say walking over to Olivia and Kylie. 

“Mhm mhm,” she says back. 

She stopped crying and is traumatized. I help pick her up off of Olivia’s dead body. 

“You guys alright,” the police officer says, who let us have a moment of grief. 

“You didn't have to kill him,” Brady says to the police officer.

“Alright, come on guys, let's get you outta here,” he says ignoring Brady, and opening the door for us. 

As we walk out the police officer radios about Olivia, and Kylie looks back one more time and then continues forward. The police officer pushes the doors open and we are outside. It’s bright, everything is green and blooming, but it should be dark and rainy. I am flooded with emotions and my thoughts are overwhelming me. All of us are petrified. The school is wrecked, some are hurt, some are dead, shouting is coming from all directions, police sirens are going off now, parents are frantically looking for their kids, people crying, cars rushing off, but all I hear is silence, and in my head, the same repeating words over and over again, “If only.”