Devastated

I’m devastated. How and why did this start? I’ve done nothing wrong. Do I deserve this? I want this to end. That’s what I’ll do. I’m sorry…

“Honey, you have to get ready for school. We are going to be late!” Mother yells as I'm coming down the stairs. “Jesus Christ, I’m coming! It’s not like the first day of school even matters.” I say very tiredly. “I know that you aren’t happy about starting a new school. I know you’ll have a great time. But please… Don’t do anything stupid. I can’t have you switching school again because of expulsion. Don’t forget to eat your breakfast before you leave.” Mother says disappointedly.

I personally hate school. Mostly because I always get expelled for doing something stupid during a field trip, or just cheating on a test. I started getting expelled after I lost my best friend to alcohol, my father. Ever since I started to hate school. Sometimes I even got bullied, but it never had any effect on me. At least this time I’m not starting school in the middle of the year. It’s only the second week of school, which means I won’t have to worry about falling behind extraordinarily soon.

“Hiya grill,” says some girl I’ve never even seen, which is normal because I’m new. I doubt that she realizes that she just called me a grill. I want to laugh so badly, but I know I shouldn’t, I might have gotten expelled, but I’m no bully. “I don’t remember you from last year, are you new?” I want to say no duh, but I want to make a good first impression. “Yeah, could it be more obvious,” I say as though it’s funny. “I thought so, I just wanted to let you know that I rule these halls. If you ever think you can take that away from me you are mistaken. Kiss my boot you asshole.” Says the girl firmly and confident. “First of all you aren't wearing boots, and who do you think you are? Donald Trump?” I say sounding as confident as possible, even though I’m terrified. She slaps me across the face, I want to cry but I pretend that it didn’t hurt. “If you ever talk to me like that again I will make your life a living hell. Oh, and by the way, I know the reason why you got expelled from your school so I’ll use that against you as well. She walks away and at that moment I want to die of embarrassment. I look around me and realize that everyone in the classroom was staring, some even recording.

When I got home mom wasn’t there, I was happy but as soon as I entered my bedroom I started to cry. There were leftovers from the night before, that made me a bit happier because be honest after that girl made that scene I wasn’t able to eat because of all the rumors and stares. Instead, I just hid away in the bathroom, too frightened to face the real world.

“How’s was your day Rowan?” Mom says as she walks through the front door. I want to say what happened and cry in her arms. “It was fine, boring, nothing much happened” I instead say. “That's typical of you to say. Get ready it’s time for your therapist session.” After I got expelled court orders said that I had to see a therapist, I was actually a bit excited because I could talk to Dr. Silvia about what happened, that is if I have the guts to.

Mom guides me to the car, she looked a bit disappointed, but I didn’t bother to ask her what was wrong. All I could think about on the way to the office was whether or not I should tell my mom what happened at school. I chose not to.

When we got to the office mom realized that my appointment was actually in two weeks. I couldn't help but giggle a bit, mom looked quite frustrated though.

“Why are you still sleeping?! It’s time to get up for school!” Mom yelled surprisingly.

When I finally got in the bus I realized that the girl who showed me around was practically my next door neighbor. Great just another thing to worry about. She didn’t get on the bus so I had the thought that she may be absent today. I would have been happy about that but the rumors didn't stop. All I got was stares from people I didn't even know.

I got to school and I saw no other than the unknown girl of nightmares. “Oh, Rooster was it? Oh yeah, Rowan, the girl who got expelled for…” Said the girl. “Shut up ok! I’ve done nothing wrong to you, I don't deserve this. I don't know what your problem is but I'm not going to let it bother me, so just leave me alone.”

I wake up, behind the school, did I faint? How did I get here? I go to scratch my head. I feel blood. I can take this anymore. I’m devastated. How and why did this start? I’ve done nothing wrong. Do I deserve this? I want this to end. That’s what I’ll do. I’m sorry. I black out.

I wake up in the Emergency Room. Mom by my side. “Rowan! You're up! Thank God! What happened?! I need to know. Did you do this to yourself? Nothing matter! You're finally back!” Mom says with tears in her eyes. “Mom, I need to tell you something. I was her. The girl.” I say. “What girl?” Mom says confused. “From my new school,” I say. “Honey you were in a coma. You are homeschooled. Remember?