Forbidden Love
Nicole Blye

I’m not even really sure when it all started and I’m not really sure anybody does., but I will do my best to figure it out for you. It was Freshman year for me, first year at the high school so I was trying to get involved and meet new people. With great encouragement, from my mother, I decided to try out for the spring school musical Grease!
Now let me give you some insight. I am not at all a stage person, that just wasn’t my thing. When I was young I took a dance/ballet class, and when it came time for our performance I completely froze on stage. Ever since then I had never done something that would get me up on stage in front of hundreds of people.
So why did I audition you ask well it wasn’t easy. My mom greatly encouraged me saying it would be fun I could meet some new friends and plus they were doing Grease. That didn’t even sell me all the way, I had made new friends in my choir class that were auditioning and they thought it would be so much fun if we were all in it together. So I went against everything I had ever told myself and tried out. It really wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but then came waiting and waiting and waiting for the cast list to come out. I was so nervous to see the list and again I still wasn’t sure I wanted to perform in the show.
The list finally came out and I found out that myself and all my friends were on the list. YAY! Right, well maybe at one point I even thought about telling the director I couldn’t preform. But I just never had the guts to tell her that because let's be real she was a little scary. So we went through all the rehearsals for what felt like years but were only for a month and a half.
At the end of all of our rehearsals comes the big production, but first you have to go through production week, or Hell week, as everyone calls it. Production week is when you stay after school until 9 and even 10 o’clock at some points rehearsing. Yes it was most definitely frustrating but you just have to do it to have a good show.
That’s when we saw more and more of crew, the people that are behind it all. They build the sets, paint, control lights and mics, and just generally help out. On crew there was several kids I knew one of which was my neighbor. His name was Sam, and as production week came to a close and the performances started. He started hanging out with my friend and myself. We started getting closer than I ever thought possible but that wasn’t even as close as we could ever get. I just didn’t know that yet.
Once Grease ended Sam asked out my friend. I was so happy for them, they were really cute and I knew he would be good for her. In general he would be good for any girl with how kind he was, there was just something different about him. Seeing that in him had me wishing for a guy to treat me like that. I literally felt like my best friend was the luckiest girl in the world.
Then she let her feelings out, in other words they broke up. She was sad, he was sad, I was sad for both of them. I was the one that was trying to be a friend to Sam and trying to be a friend to my best friend without hurting either one of them. I guess that is just how friendships go. I cared about both of them more than myself. I mean I sat with Sam on the bus and she was my best friend. It became “should I say this” I don’t want to hurt them.
All the while dealing with my own problems. I had a bunch of guys wanting me all of the sudden. It was so strange and some of them were a little much. Like i’m gonna call and text you every second of your life until you like me, and until you tell me you like me. It was insane, I wanted to know what changed because I never thought I was that attractive.
That all happened in December. I went through the motions dealing with everything keeping my grades up and trying to be a good friend. Well in the long run it back fired or maybe not but at the time I wasn’t sure. Sam one day asked me if he should move on and I was flat out honest and said yes you should. I mean by being with my best friend I knew that she didn’t want to go back to him and he was annoying to her. I didn’t want to lie so I told him the truth. Well let’s just say maybe I should have lied and things would be completely different in a way I probably wouldn’t like.
I tried to change everything explain to my friend that I didn’t mean anything by it I was just trying to help her out. In the end I lost her as a friend. She said she couldn’t trust me anymore which I could sorta understand but not fully. She didn’t get my full intentions which is fine.
So her and I didn’t talk anymore, I would sit with Sam on the bus because I don’t like other people on the bus but we wouldn’t talk. Then one day it all changed. I’m not even really sure when it happened. But I started having feelings for him. I never really thought about him in that way but all of a sudden I was. It was something strange almost foreign. Probably against my better judgement I decided to ignore my feelings and go on with my life. Barely making it through. Getting good grades, not having a close friend anymore, and trying my hardest not to show signs that I liked Sam.
In March I decided to join crew and help in the dressing rooms because while being in Grease I also helped with hair, make-up, and keeping the dressing room clean. Not really thinking about it, I started crew. Maybe that’ when it all changed. Sam was on crew. Yay! RIght, tell him how you feel maybe he feels the same way. Well i’m not that type of person. I’m not outgoing unless someone brings it out of me like a best friend, which I didn’t have. Sam and I started growing closer yet again. To the point we were talking every day. Okay just friends I can do this. Nah, I can’t because this is what happened.
One day I decided to ask him who he liked. He answered and the answer wasn’t me which just completely crushed me. I don’t know what I was expecting but it completely crushed me. I cried myself to sleep that night. Over a boy, like REALLY NICOLE get yourself together. Never cry over a guy. Well ever since then I still haven’t followed that advice. I cry about him all the time, but I bet it is in a different way than what you are thinking.
The next day I had gathered myself hoping that I wouldn’t fall apart again. So being the type of person I was I asked him “who else do you like?” His answer was “I don’t know who do you want me to like?” At that point I was thinking what do I say, do I say ME like me? I ended up saying “I don’t know I was just wondering.” Well every day after that this question would get brought up. But this time it was him asking me. Knowing that I wasn’t going to say I like you just for him to say oh well I like this other girl I jokingly said “I like ken.” “I mean I like men*.”
Thinking about it I was wondering if I should tell him. Maybe he did like me the way I liked him. Or maybe he would just friendzone me. Like oh well at least he would know. Well I didn’t tell him, instead we started playing this game. The letter game, what letter does your crush’s name start with, what letter does it end with, what letter blah blah blah. I was saying things that didn’t give it away. But he started saying letters in my name that weren’t in his crush's name that he liked. I literally almost cried. It was crazy like does he really like me.
At one point I just go this game is really dumb. This is what he said “We both know who each other like.” Still not believing what was going on I played dumb. When he said “there is a x in her last name” I freaked like that’s me. There aren’t many people that have a x in their name. Stepping way out of my comfort zone I said “this is dumb I think we both know we are talking about each other.” And he said “see I knew you knew.” That is when I started crying again for real, but they were happy tears this time. Like holy crap there is no way.
Remember back to when I said my friend was the luckiest girl because she had him. Well now look at me! He liked me, it was so crazy. The next step was breaking it to my parents, which didn’t go how I had hoped. I understand why because I was 14 almost 15 and he had already turned 17. I wasn’t comfortable with him being older than me, but then I started realizing how lucky I would be to have him in my life like that. The things he said about we were crazy sweet and nice, he never got mad at me. He just didn’t seem like the rest of them.
We continued to talk hoping that when I turned 15 my parents could reconsider especially if they got to know him. I ended up getting to know him better. One day we were talking and he goes “why me” I told him. So then being a girl he brought up the conversation so I asked him “why me” and he had the sweetest response. It wasn’t all about looks but just what he said. “You’re nice, kind, caring for others, pretty, loving, and you care about me.” Again I broke down and cried. That was the sweetest thing someone has ever said about me.
Honestly he cared about me more than some of my friends which I never thought was possible. A few weeks later we were talking about the summer. “I’m going to Florida, Texas, New Orleans, Alabama and then back here” said Sam “That sounds like a lot of fun, I’m just staying here” I said. “Well yeah but there is a downside” said Sam. I said “oh yeah what’s that” He replied with the sweetest thing “I won’t be able to see you for most of the summer” Keep in mind my parents won’t let us to be together but he doesn’t care he will be a friend of mine until they do, he doesn’t care. And he is talking about the future.
Crazy right, like what did I do to deserve him but then not be able to have him. Later that night we were just talking and he goes “I enjoy talking to you, and having you by my side.” Like what the heck am I in a movie and just don’t know about it.
That night I had a dream about him. He wants to go into the Military. He says he came into this world in someone else's blood and he’s not afraid to go out in it. He also said one time that he does want to make it his career but he did want a family even though it would be hard. So you know what I had a dream about, him in the military me at home with three cute little kids. How he was still there for the kids and myself while serving our country and how he is such a great person, husband, and father. A guy has never effected me this much ever ever before.
After that I decide I need to burst this bubble now. He doesn’t deserve this. He shouldn’t be sticking around hoping and praying that my parents will let us date eventually. We don’t even know that will ever happen. So I told him “You don’t have to wait around for my parents and me I don’t want you to but you can find someone else if you can’t do this. I understand I want you to be happy and I know how hard my parents are making this and I’m really sorry.” He responds with “But I want you and have you by my side every minute of my life.” How freaking sweet is that, what guy would say that. None he is the only one I have found so far so I guess that means he’s a keeper.
He isn’t one of those types of people that just wants a relationship because he needs one to impress all of his friends, and he isn’t one that just wants to fool around. He let’s me do my own thing and if he can be there it is a added plus. He doesn’t expect me to talk to him all the time. He knows I have things to do. He doesn’t expect me to stay up all night talking to him, and sometimes when he knows I’m tired he will make me go to bed. He seriously cares. Plus he can make me laugh anytime of the day, smile at my phone, and feel like the silliest person in the world. But ask me if I care, I don’t because it is the best I have felt about myself in a very very long time.
Shortly after all of these thoughts and feeling were going around in my head my parents and I had a big fight. Something about me n0t doing something with my life. At this point I was really upset, like I’m just a freshman in high school. Who would ever say that to someone my age. Something you should understand is my parents were always picking on me and telling me I need to change my life. So this was no different. Usually it was that I need to exercise. I had been overweight my whole life, and it only seemed to get worse as I got older. I should say it isn’t like I don’t or never tried to lose weight trust me I did, but like any girl it didn’t happen for me. I like sweets too much and I was in hard classes so I was always studying rather than working out. The thing that really got be about Sam was he didn’t care that I was overweight, he would lift me up when my parents brought me down, and would even make me feel normal.
With the anger from my parents and how good Sam was making me feel, I started throwing around the idea of dating him without their permission. Let me just say I am writing after I had already decided that and it was a really super dubber poor idea. Shortly after I started throwing around the idea I decided it was a good idea. So I started telling Sam that’s what I wanted to do. Well it really was a poor idea, but probably not in the way you think. Let me just spell it out for you. Sam and I started dating a few weeks later. Not only did my parents not approve, but also neither did my friends because they too liked him. Great right! I had just agreed to date this person that I wasn’t supposed to and made all of my friends mad at the same time. Only would I do this. Well it only got worse.
Sam and I dated for 5 months, the first two months were pretty great. We would see each other on the bus, and that is when we did most of our hanging out. He was still just as sweet as before! I just felt so lucky, we would stay up skyping all night long. He was older so he could help me with my homework, and he started sitting with me at lunch. Everything was perfect. But then it was time for school to be out, SUMMER!! I usually loved summer but I didn’t want summer this year because I wouldn’t be able to see him. I know I was totally absorbed. The first day of break we met at the neighborhood pool. This was the first big thing I had done against my parents. I was dating a guy I wasn’t allowed to date, and I left the house knowing I was going to see him and denied it. My dad even said no funny business I have eyes everywhere. Well for some odd reason I didn’t care. It was really awkward at first, the first time we had really been alone. Exciting RIght! Well that’s what I thought but I was too nervous to take off my shorts. I had even convinced my mom to buy me a hot bikini this year! So I had invited a friend to come over, she came to my rescue! We all hung out at the pool for several hours, and I even almost got caught. We were at the shallow end of the pool in a circle talking and all of a sudden I heard my dog barking. Next thing I know I see her, I told Sam crap that’s my dog go hide in the bathroom. So he took off running for the bathroom and my friend and I tried to act casual. Sam kept peeking his head out of the bathroom. I was thinking ugh you better keep your butt in that bathroom or I’ll hurt you. My mom came over and lectured me about how I didn’t tell them I was having a friend meet me at the pool. OOPS!
Shortly later I went home, but first Sam and I had our first kiss. I had been swerving him for the longest time but I did it this time. It wasn’t that good he CANNOT KISS!! I was thinking great I was dating a guy who is really sweet, but can’t kiss and I wasn’t supposed to be dating him. I eventually got over it. Month after month went by and we were good. But then it started to happen. He started to ask me certain questions that I wasn’t okay with. It became more evident that he just wanted to fool around even though I totally thought he wasn’t that way. He tried to get me to do things I totally was not okay with and I almost gave in. IKR!! Never let a guy make you do something you don’t want to do. That’s not okay. So I kept playing it off because I didn’t know how to break up with him. I eventually did, I felt bad but I couldn’t do the things he wanted. He just didn’t seem like the guy I originally started dating. Stupid guys!! I realized that my parents were right, he was upperclassman and I wasn’t and didn’t know better and he got to me. I let him get his hooks in me and he was so close to getting everything he wanted, and ruining me.
I was so shocked and even depressed for awhile after our break up. It was rough, I started to think my parents knew the whole time but I’m still not sure. The point of this is to never ever do this. I learned the hard way and trust me it isn’t fun. My parents knew his intentions before I even did. But it only get’s better. He started texting me like everyday. Based on things on my social media like no dude move on. I would leave him on read but that never worked. One of my friends told him my health issues I was having and then he started texting me like he actually cared. Stupid me almost fell for it. But don’t ever do it. I ended up blocking him on social media. Want to know what he started doing, HE STARTED STALKING MY HOUSE! What a creep like he just wanted to fool around but then he couldn’t get over me HAHA. In the end I had to get a restraining order on him, but my parents “never found out” although I believe they did. The point is it’s not a good idea when you are in a situation like this.