" Do you like yourself?" Ember asked softly.
  The question killed all thoughts flowing through my already stressed mind, to just a blank canvas.I glanced at my best friend and shook my head as if to say " I don't know " Ember looked straight ahead, deep in thought, toward the high school, as if the building  had an answer to her thoughts.
  " Why?" she said
Great...just great , another question that I couldn't answer. I looked into my hands as if they were going to tell me what to say. Honestly I hated myself, everything about myself I hated all my physical features from my dull blond-brown hair down to my thighs. I hated how my body was an hour glass shaped instead of skinny. I even hated my personality I hated how clumsy I am or how I can't speak without stuttering . I hated my voice It sounded awfully a lot like a boy. I just hated me.
  " Well I love you Rain... you're perfect I wish you would see how perfect you truly are"  she said distant
  " I am nothing can't you see, I am not as pretty as you, nor as smart...I am... nothing"
"Rain " she paused " I know you're down about the whole cafeteria incident...But you can't believe what they say to you. I know you, you are a strong individual. Just keep your head up and keep living." Ember smiled and patted my back but I moved away.
   It was last week when the whole " Cafeteria incident"  happened, I was humiliated in front of half the school. I was sitting there eating with Ember, when a cheerleader from Embers cheer squad came behind me.
  " HEY EVERYONE " she hollered in her cheer voice, and of course everyone listened " WATCH THIS"  and as I turned to see the commotion, I felt a light  thud on top of my head. The cheerleader smashed, mashed potatoes on top of my head that was not even the end of the show.
  As I tried to wipe the mess off my head the best I could, a cool liquid ran over the top of my head.It slowly ran down the front of my face to see chocolate milk spilling down my face. I was embarrassed more than embarrassed, more than humiliated, more than words could ever describe.
  The cheerleader got in my face and whispered devilishly  " no one likes you... no one ever will, your a loser and a nobody. I suggest you end it here and your little pathetic life.Trust me everyone would be a lot happier if you were gone, that's at least one thing you can do right. "
  She turned around and laugh " LOOK AT THE LOSER " I ran out crying with Ember talking to the girl. I couldn't see Embers expression because the tears ran down my messy face.
   I switched back to reality. "I wish I was dead..." I trailed off " No you don't , don't you ever and I mean ever say that again" Ember ordered sternly It was true I didn't want to be alive. On top of feeling ugly and of nothingness to the world, at home with family was much worse. I was always afraid to go home because I hated all the of yelling and fighting. Ember had no idea what it was like. She had a perfect life. She had no idea what it was like to feel pain or suffering, depression or sadness, she was always happy.
  " You have no idea what it is like to feel this way.It's easy for you to say these things because you are Ms. Perfect life. Ember you just don't know how I feel... you never will"
   Ember looked at me and emotions flashed across her face with grace. She stood up from the park bench from where we were seated and stood in front of me. Now that I looked at her face directly she looked paler than usual, which was odd for her. Ember looked at me with sad but confident green eyes and slowly pulled a wig off her head, her long Brunette hair was just a wig. After she pulled the wig all the way off her head were  few patches of l her original  brunette hair.  Ember then looked me into my eyes and responded.
  " I have no Idea? what suffering is? what depression feels like? What it is not like to feel " beautiful"? Do you see now. Rain, I have terminal Breast Cancer, I've been fighting it for awhile now, I've lost strength in my body, color to my face, an incredible loss in weight , I have even lost my hair. Now tell me how I can not understand how you feel? " She put the wig back on.
  I was at a loss of words and deep in thought... not about myself but about my best friend. I felt selfish because this whole time that I was worried about myself I hadn't noticed my friend dying.I felt stupid because during  this time I saw that Ember was getting weaker, and thinner but I hadn't thought anything of it.I was just worried about myself.
  "Uh...I..Uh" Tears welled up in my eyes
  " Rain I love you, you are my best friend and I want you to know you are perfect. I know I am perfect in my own way. I know that even though this has happened to me I know I am still perfect because I have the greatest things in life my Family and you. I know I am beautiful because I am human and you know what my mom says " God doesn't create trash", Rain the only reason why I am telling you this is because you need to lift your head up and respect your self or you will just be that one girl. Don't be just that one girl be THE girl that people know. Be the girl who loves her self even when life gets tough."
  Tears rolled down my face, She was right. I felt stupid for acting this way I felt selfish. But as much as I tried to listen I still felt self pity and it was just growing even more. I loved Ember how could I just say I didn't believe her? I nodded my head and smiled as if to say " I believe you ". Even though I knew I was lying just to make Ember feel better I was hoping that some how it would make me feel better. Ember hugged me tightly.
  " You are perfect " she said
   But I knew it was all a lie.
  The delicate snowflakes fell all around us. It was a day of true and utter sorrow, for me.The casket of my one and only best friend was gently laid into the ground for time and all eternity.I'd never see her again, never to see her smile or hear her voice. I was alone. The cheerleader was right I just do something right for once in my life. I was going to end it once and for all. I looked over at Embers parents who held their heads down in shame. A part of me wanted to run to them, hug them and try to make them smile. That's what Ember would have wanted for me to step up and be " THE " girl but the other part of me, The part where i'd just cry and try to make myself feel better, took over. I stayed in one place staring the snow covered blanket.
I walked home planning the end. Thoughts rushed through my mind " why am I doing this?", " what's the point?","why did Ember have to go?"," just do it! you're worthless, no one will care that you do it", " okay I will do it" .I kept my head down as I walked. I couldn't bare see the world before I left. As I walked down the sidewalk someone bumped into me.
" ouch" I said softly  even though it didn't hurt.
"Oh sorry!" the girl who bumped into me said
My mind went blank as the girl  turned around.It was the cheerleader, her face was stained with tears and her eyes looked blood shot. I backed up a little, put my head down and started to walk away not wanting any embarrassment to be inflicted on me. But as soon as I started to walk away the cheerleader grabbed my shoulder to have me face her. She was about to say something before I cut her off.
" Look ..." I tried to find the words " Whatever you're about to say just stop. I've lost my best friend... well my only friend. Please, today don't make my life more hell than it already is"
  She tired to speak again but once more I cut her off
" don't worry, I am taking what you said ,about doing something right for once, to heart." Once more the cheerleader gently grabbed my shoulder.
" I am sorry" she said softly
  " Please just stop I can't .... wait... wait... what did you say?" I asked
" I am sorry, for everything. I am sorry for making your school life a nightmare. I didn't realize what I was causing. The only reason why I am telling you this is because my brother.." she held back tears, you could see it. " he killed himself because of people... like me. He was bullied so much, every single day... he didn't tell me. He didn't tell anyone." tears rolled down her flawless face.
  For once this girl who I  envied  because of how perfect she was looked... not so perfect. As I studied her. Her hair was a tangled mess instead of her soft, combed hair, her face was pale without three layers of makeup,and her gray jogging outfit made her look as if she couldn't find anything to wear. I looked in to the cheerleaders eyes listening to what she had to say.
" I came to ask for your forgiveness for every stupid thing I have done to hurt you. Ember told me what you were going through ... I had no idea...I am so sorry.Do you forgive me...I mean you don't have to forgive me, just know that I am truly deeply sorry."
  " please don't be sorry you were right about everything." I said
  " No I wasn't  Rain you're amazing and a lot of people would miss you if you were gone. I am being truthfully honest when I say what I am. When I found out that my brother was gone, I suppose life hit me"
  Tears rolled down my face she seemed really sincere. I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my shirt shaking my head. I couldn't decide my emotion I was angry for what she did, I was upset because of Ember and the girls brother, I had no idea how exactly how I felt. But I decided it was time to be THE girl.
" I forgive you, not 110% but I forgive you. I am so sorry about your lose I bet your brother was amazing." I said with sincerity .
" really?"
" yes really, I swear." I said
  " You have no idea how much that means to me" she said sounded relieved. 
She smiled at me and I smiled back. I am not sure what I was feeling but I could most definitely feel that things were going to get better. I knew it was going to be hard to be happy with who I was but I hated the feeling of depression,I hated feeling selfish. From now on it would be different.