Sunday , December 2,2018

It was 2:00 in the morning, everyone was asleep but I was still up. I was ready to leave. Leave this world. Leave my family . Leave my friends. But something changed my mind I saw this leaf falling and it just made me think. Think about everyone who cares.Think of how much they would be falling without me, just like the leaf was falling.  But i'm still hurting but that leaf that one leaf. Has changed my life. And I am still alive to this day but…. Back up lets go to the day that all this started…

Monday, December 17th, 2017….

“Taylor Loughton Wake up now!” said my mother shaking me back and forth to get me up for school. As I slowly opened my eyes up it was still dark so my eyes aren't actually hurting for once in the morning. Usually my mother turns on my light but she didn't this time. I wonder why? Meh I don't care. A Lot happened over the weekend I found out my best friend has been killed in a car accident. I found out 2 hours after the incident. I don't want to go to school I can't deal with the pain. I'm no fighter , not at all. I miss the girl so much my best friend Tabitha was the best person ever in my life. She was there for me no matter what. And she's the only thing that made me happy from… The girls at school  are not big fans of me. I am not sure what I will do without her. She my best friend. No one should ever feel this way , but I am… I hate it . The worst part about having a best friend dying is going to their funeral. Well thats what ive heard. The funeral is on saturday. I can't bare to go there im to scared but I have to. I'm so mad because when she got in the car accident she was going home from house. I should've had her sleep over and not have her parents come and get her because the roads were the worse in the month so far. Gosh im such a bad friend. I don't know what i'm going to do without my best friend.

At school i've gotten comments that were about me and Tabs. Things like “ Wow the freak lost her best friend haha funny , she deserves it she's a freak. Or “ The freak is dead and her freaky friend is hurting”. Some were good though “ Awe man Tabby has passed poor Taylor.” Also “ I miss Tabs she was in my english class.” People are putting things up at her locker I put her school photo up it was the prettiest thing.And people are putting up her favorite candy the wrappers not the candy her favorite candy is Mounds. Every class she would eat one. It's the best. But also I would hear people say things like “ She's the - She was the best”  I would hear the corrections and I would know, shes really gone…. I don't want her to be gone, truly gone.

December 22, 2017 ….Today's the day…

Well i'm in my black dress with a pearl necklace. And my pearl earrings. And my black heels.  Time for the real thing now. I have to say a few words about her because she was like family to my family. I wrote a poem about her.

“If only she had slept over

If only she would have put her pjs on

If only I put in a movie and waited

If only

If only I made popcorn with a lot of butter

If only I had got a mounds out for both of us

If only I was a good friend

If only I had not let her go

If only

If only

If only”

As I read the poem out loud I had tears streaming down my face. I couldn't help myself she was my best friend the person who made me cookies each time I went over to her house. She was the ideal best friend the perfect person. Everyone loved her. But then there is me no one loves me. Not even my parents. They like hate me.Just like i hate myself. Because i'm worthless,  or that is what everyone tells me…

6 days later…. On Friday December 28, 2017

People keep telling me to end it all. Without Tabby i'm nothing its been 6 days since the funeral. So I know , she's actually gone. Why. Why would the universe do this to me… I want to be her best friend still so this means… Things have to change…