The Miller School of Peroxide and Martyrdom | Teen Ink

The Miller School of Peroxide and Martyrdom

May 4, 2019
By millieryan BRONZE, Little Rock, Arkansas
More by this author
millieryan BRONZE, Little Rock, Arkansas
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
If I had one, I'd tell you.


Author's note:

I swear I was an MGM contract star in a past life, movies from the past much more appealing to me than movies from the present. I wanted to take my love of these movies and create what I think is the most Wonderandian underworld these players could have had. 

The author's comments:

I hope you guys like it- I know it's extremely weird!!!!

Cast of Characters:

 

Ms. Miller

Abby

Marie

Mannix

Joan

Woman 1

Woman 2

Woman 3

Woman 4

Extras (all female)

Time and place

1939. Hollywood, on one of the production stages of NHN Studios.

SCENE 1

(The setting, a dark stage, partially abandoned. A huge cardboard storefront is in the corner, with lights unlit so as to convey a feeling of emptiness. A window, somewhere up stage right, casts the only sunlight in the room. Slowly, beautiful young women pour in, murmuring about where they were directed to go.)

 

1

What the hell?

 

MARIE

 If this is another one of Flynn’s schemes, he isn’t making it out alive.

 

4

Still better than where they took the chorus girls. Still haven’t got my ten dollars from that though, did you?

 

      (Suddenly, the lights illuminate, spelling THE MILLER SCHOOL OF CHARMS AND DICTION. MS MILLER arrives, after having pulled the switch, and greets the girls.)

 

MS. MILLER

 Welcome to the Miller School of Charms and Diction, the NHN studio’s private finishing school! Please line up, and we’ll begin making proper actresses out of you all!

 

 3

But I’m already taking acting classes, I’m just gonna-

 

MS. MILLER

Not so fast, missy! Mr. Fox ordered you all here for a reason, and we’ll teach you the things your acting coaches wouldn’t think to!

The author's comments:

*suspenseful music*

Scene 2

     (The lights fade. The setting is changed to three benches, and a blackboard. The lights rise.)

 

MS. MILLER

 Okay girls, since it’s your first day, I won’t push you too hard! *laughs high pitched and disturbingly* Here are your class schedules

      (Begins to pass out pieces of paper)

 

ABBY

 How to hair bleach?

 

MS. MILLER

Oh yes, that is an elective you can choose for the time slot of 6:00-7:00, and it is highly encouraged.

 

MARIE

 Casting Couch 101?

 

MS. MILLER

Oh yes, a special request from Mr. Fox.

MARIE

I had a feeling, but I’m already quite proficient in that particular subject.

MS. MILLER

I know dear. I would take you on a tour-

 

      (EDDIE enters from stage left, slightly behind the blackboard. He carries a newspaper clipping)

 

EDDIE

 Ms. Miller?

 

MS. MILLER

 Yes? Oh, Eddie! Another one?

 

EDDIE

 Yep, just this morning. Was Don Gilbreth’s side girl.

      (Whisper tone, so low the audience may not hear, purposefully obscured)

 Found dead in the bathtub.

 

MS. MILLER

 Oh! We’ll put this in the bulletin board in

      (Particularly obscured, but slightly louder)

The other room!

 

ABBY

 Ms. Miller?

 

      (MS MILLER doesn’t hear Abby, talks in a hushed tone to Eddie)

 

MS MILLER

I can’t believe it, she was so sensational they actually posted her corpse! Wasn’t Don Gilbreth with Vina Quick?

 

EDDIE

 Yes!

 

ALL GIRLS

Ms Miller!

 

MS. MILLER

 Oh! Yes?

 

2

Abby had a question.

 

MS. MILLER

 Yes, child? You can leave now, Eddie, thanks.

       (Eddie leaves now, thanks).

 

ABBY

Well, we passed a lot of chorus girls off stage to get in here.

 

MS. MILLER

Yes, some of them will be on your level someday!

 

ABBY

But, Ms. Miller?

 

MS. MILLER

Yes?

 

 

ABBY

Why us?

 

MS. MILLER

Well, you’ll have to wait until the orientation speech!

 

1

Well, when’s that?

 

MS. MILLER

 Now!

 

1

 Oh.

 

MS. MILLER

 Now, here at NHN studios, we guarantee star power-

 

3

 So the previews weren’t lying.

 

MS. MILLER

 Previews never lie!

 

MARIE

Beg to differ.

 

 

 

MS. MILLER

 Back to the speech! NHN Studios produces the biggest stars. Harlean Ross, Will Clark and Brooklyn Davies all call NHN home.

 

3

We got this at our orientation to the lot!

 

MS. MILLER

You could all stand to hear it again! Anyway, NHN guarantees the best and brightest stars, and you are here to be perfected into the brightest burning stars the galaxy has ever seen.

 

3

Well that’s new.

 

ABBY

Who wrote this?

 

EDDIE

     (from backstage)

Shut up!

 

MS. MILLER

ANYWAY! You have been chosen because we believe, based on box office numbers and the executives’, um, personal opinions…

 

4

Still want my ten dollars for that by the way.

 

MS MILLER

      (taking a step with an arm raised)

I will hit you.

 

4

 Sorry, sorry!

 

(silence)

MS. MILLER

 You have been selected as the next generation of stars of NHN. We want to get you started right away, but I need to speak to the 5 WAMPAS baby stars of this year, you need to get started even earlier in a highly important course!

 

ABBY

Marie, that’s us.

 

      (Girl 4, and the extras leave the set. The lights fade, in the darkness, someone grabs ABBY.)

ABBY

What the hell?

 

JOAN

 Don’t trust her.

ABBY

Who are you?

 

JOAN

 You don’t have to follow her. This school of peroxide, this school of martyrdom.

 

ABBY

 What? I need to go, I’ll lose the group!

 

JOAN

 You have promise, Ms. Ryan. You could be a fantastic actress even up to your 50’s. Don’t listen to her.

 

ABBY

 Let go of me!

 

      (JOAN leaves.)

The author's comments:

I really hope you guys enjoyed the script! It's a part of a longer work I hope is coming soon, so this is kind of a taster!

Scene 3

      (The lights come on to another room, with one bench, a blackboard and a bulletin board of newspaper clippings).

 

ABBY

 Marie?

 

MARIE

Yeah?

 

ABBY

 Just a guess, have you heard of this place being called the school of peroxide and martyrdom?

 

MARIE

 No.

 

ABBY

Good.

 

MARIE

Wait, yes!

 

ABBY

What??

 

 

MARIE

But don’t worry, it was always by the bitter old hags of the lot. They always tend to exaggerate.

 

 

ABBY

You’re right.

 

MS. MILLER

     (visibly smiling creepily)

 Welcome, WAMPAS baby stars.

 

2

What’s that bulletin board?

 

MS. MILLER

Those over there, are your muses!

 

      (The girls collectively walk over to the bulletin board.)

 

ABBY

Thelma Reese?

 

3

Olive Ford?

 

1

 Jean Berg?

 

MARIE

Ms. Miller?

 

MS. MILLER

 Yes, those are my pupils. Girls, this is the most important class you will ever take.

 

ABBY

 

What is it?

 

MS. MILLER

How to leave a good corpse.

 

      (The lights fade)



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