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Rat Key (Updated Version)

May 1, 2013
By milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
More by this author
milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Those who have the ability to act, have the responsibility to act."

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Summary:

The year 2076 has been rough on the city of Maw, one of three cities left in the world. Rat made his way to the city after he'd lost his memory and he found himself in the Tunnels, an underground system of labyrinths that serves as a home to the city's gangs. Rat is perfectly happy with a low-key life, but as a revolution brews, it seems like everyone knows his name, even those from the other two cities.

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Rat Key (Updated Version)

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This book has 3 comments.

CurlyGirl17 SILVER said...
on Aug. 10 2013 at 2:53 pm
CurlyGirl17 SILVER, Corydon, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 95 comments
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I didn't know if there was a way to contact you other than posting on your discussion page, but I just wanted to let you know I posted the rest of my story Metalligirl. I'd really appreciate some feedback on the rest of it; you did a great job on your story and the last comment you gave me was very informative and thorough!
milforce SILVER said...
on May. 18 2013 at 9:35 am
milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Those who have the ability to act, have the responsibility to act.&quot;

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Thanks so much! Your feedback is great and I'll be sure to read some more of your story soon!
IMSteel BRONZE said...
on May. 17 2013 at 2:48 pm
IMSteel BRONZE, Wallhala, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 128 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Learn from Yesterday, live for Today, hope for Tomorrow&quot; - Albert Einstein<br /> <br /> &quot;Brevity is the Soul of Wit&quot; - The Which

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I commented on your earlier version of this, and I see that you've filled in the thin places nicely.  The excitement you keep in the story is great, and the setting of the book is really cool.  The dialogue is really good, though I would say that it could use a little trimming on the sarcasm.  On a lot of my earlier stories, (I haven't posted them on Teen Ink), I used a lot of sarcasm, but I've found that it is better to use a moderate amount of it.  Pretty much the only other thing that needs work is the tenses.  Sometimes you tell the story in present-tense, but then, sometimes in the middle of a sentence, you switch to past-tense.  You commented on the first chapter of my book: The Voyages of the Waved Albatross, thanks for the feedback!  If you could, read a few more and comment on them, I would really appreciate it, thanks a lot!