All I can hear is my heart racing, all I can see is the blurriness of the atmosphere, all I can feel is the sweat coming off my hands as I rub them together. My head, heart, and stomach ache in pain. I don’t know what is happening to me. I feel like I am dying, but at least dying would be faster because this doesn’t seem to end. It’s an everlasting cycle that makes me just feel sick and tired. I can’t escape this feeling no matter how much I try to cope with it. The doctors tell me it’s all in my head, making me feel crazy.
I started to see my school counselor about my problems in 7th grade. She helped me so much and seemed like the only one that thought I wasn’t crazy at the time. She understood me and made me feel a lot better. I missed a lot of days because I had trouble going to school but she helped me get through it and the days I would come she would help me relax. She told me her office was always open to me. I would come to school crying everyday, feeling like I was going to die and she would let me sit in her office and talk with her. She had a peaceful room with bamboo plants everywhere and a fish tank with a betta fish in there. I would come there to talk about how I was feeling and she would let me cry and be there as much I needed, even if that meant the whole day. I would have my homework from my classes sent to me sometimes so I could work on it in the counseling office. I would even eat my lunch in the counseling office too. I was away from my friends, away from my best friend that entire year and I barely talked to anyone besides my counselor at school. Sometimes the janitor and his helpers would come into the counseling office and sit with me and talk with me. I even had a student come and sit with me sometimes. Both, I very much enjoyed, because I liked the company. With all the stress and missing days, at the end of the year I still got pretty good grades, because even though school frightened me, once I was there it wasn’t that bad. Before I would get to school, that’s when I started to feel that way. My counselor would be there for me to help me calm down and most of the time after I did, I felt a lot better and would go to class. I shut out a lot of people during that time of my life that I wish I would have not because 8th grade was the last full year I got to see my best friend. I wish I would have had more time to spend with her but I didn’t and I completely regret shutting her out of my life in 7th grade. But the following year things got a lot better for me and I went to school more, and let’s just say it was one of the best years of my life that I miss a lot. I regret a lot of things I did but it wasn’t my fault, life just got in the way and my best friend understood that and at least the last year I got to spend with her was memorable.
As you can tell I am definitely not perfect and have had a lot of hiccups and cracks in the road but who hasn’t, right? We are all far from perfect and and we all make mistakes. But I have learned that there will always be someone that is willing to help you when you need it the most. Even though that person may be hard to find at first, but once you find that person, they will change you for the better and help you up on your feet and tell you to try again and keep going. And that is the best advice I can give to anyone, always keep going, no matter how hard it may get, there is no reason for you to stop. The only person that can stop you is yourself and do not let yourself stop you because you are stronger than what meets the eye. Remember to stay strong no matter what, and carry on through life.