“You were one of the reasons why,” she retorted. I stood there in complete shock. My stomach was churning and it felt like I was suffocating. I couldn’t make any sounds or say anything back. Seeing her helpless, I didn’t know what to do. I was going to reach out to her but I was alarmed by annoying beeping sounds. It echoed throughout the hall, making it evident that something was wrong. My Saturday afternoon nap was ruined. I forced myself to wake up, peeled my blankets off my body, and quickly rustled through my room to find the stuff that I needed. I took my master key, cellphone, and warm clothes, then headed out the door. I was an RA and it was my job to make sure that girls that lived in my dormitory hall were okay. I watched over ten girls and enjoyed making memories with them.

I opened by door and hurried to the room across from me. I quickly unlocked it. I checked all the rooms until I stumbled across a guest room that a village student was living in. I was about to open it, I heard someone calling my name.

“The operator machine showed me that it’s this hall,” My dean exclaimed. “There will be a red light on the alarm, so hurry and check,” She added. There are alarms in our room, one for a fire, and one for a window. People were crazy enough to sneak out through the window. Each alarm has a green light. It means that everything is okay. When the alarm is triggered, the light turns red. I wasn’t aware so I started on the room that is across my room.
I followed what she said and rechecked all the rooms. All the rooms were cleared until we stood in front of the guest room. Pulling out her key, the dean inserted it into the lock and swung the door open. Not saying a word, we looked at the red light that was shining on the window. She whipped out her phone and dialed a number. A few rings later, the school principal picked up the phone.

“We need some discipline,” She reported and stomped away to her office. I took this time and ran outside to find my girls. Head-counting them, I found the culprit. She ran up to me and asked, “What happened?”
I was disappointed and I didn’t say a word. I know that if I made a little peep, I would explode like a bomb. I ignored her question and continued to count and make sure that everyone was okay. My fellow RAs gathered their girls as well and everyone was present. It was cold since it snowed the day before so we decided to head down to the nearest building. 

Before we got to head down to the warm building, we were informed that we got to go back to the dorms. As I walked in, the deans called out two of my girls sent them to empty rooms. There were many emotions and thoughts clouding my mind. I couldn’t cry or scream. It was just boxed inside of me. I wanted to talk to them but I wouldn’t know what to say or where to start. I already knew that rumors would spread around the following day.

After waiting for a few hours, I finally got the courage to face them.
“Why did you guys do that?” I asked, not looking at them. I was afraid that if I looked them in the eye, I would bawl my eyes out. These girls meant a lot to me.
“Life is hard,” One of the girls responded. Her name was Sarah. She’s very shy when you meet her but she is very loud and crazy when you get to know her. Whenever I do bedtime check, she’s never in bed and is known to be a night-owl. She went to this school because of her grandparents. They wanted her to be in a good environment and learn to be on her own.
“We wanted to escape from this misery,” The other added. Her name is Samantha. The first time I met Samantha, I was scared of her. Even though she was younger than me, she was very intimidating. She’s very pretty and wasn’t timid as Sarah. She would speak whatever is in her mind and wouldn’t be ashamed about it.
“I thought you guys learned the first time,” I whispered, looking down. This was the second time it had happened.

Sarah and Samantha weren’t really doing well in school. It was either they were wasting their time on social media or didn’t have any motivation to do anything. They slacked in their school work and had personal problems. Since they were away from home, there were problems that they weren’t aware of. When Samantha and Sarah broke the rules the first time, many students despised them and treated them like dirt. Samantha had an incident that she was ashamed of. She isn’t ashamed of her words but she would be ashamed of her actions.  This incident caused the upperclassmen to bash and tease her. Little did they know, their teasing turned out to be bullying.

“It’s really stressful to have people talk about us and look down on us,” Sarah spoke.
“They were bullying us,” Samantha added.

I couldn’t say anything to that. I shouldn’t because it wasn’t my place. I wasn’t any different but then I changed. They weren’t bullied physically but mentally. Bullying. I closed my eyes and replayed the flashback in my head.

*       *      *

In seventh grade, I was moving to a new state and a new middle school. I didn’t like moving and decided to not make friends. There were friendly people that greeted me and tried to be friends with me, but I shrugged my shoulders and stayed quiet. Since I didn’t talk to a lot of people, they called me a freak. I sat alone in lunch and didn’t have any friends to talk to. I was just a freak. I would hear whispers in the halls about me that I would cry when I got back home. It was my fault that I wasn’t friendly to other people but I couldn’t change anything. Everything changed second semester. It was because of her. She was petite, had chestnut-brown hair, and a very friendly smile.

She smacked her lunchbox down, asking,” May I sit here?”

I simply nodded and continued to eat my lunch. After that, she continued to talk to me. I would give her quiet nods and one-word responses but she still talked to me. I started opening up to her and we became friends. Seventh grade was coming to an end but we decided to hang out in the summer and become even closer. She became my best friend. As eighth-grade year came by, it became different. There were new people and I decided to branch out to a lot of people.

I remembered that she wanted to hang out like the good-old times but I was too busy making new friends. She kept on asking me to hang out but I pushed her out even more. She went up to me but I ignored her and pretended that she wasn’t there. You know, the, “Do you hear that?” trick. I continued to tease her because it was funny and it made other people laugh. When she walked in the halls, I would whisper things to my new friends. When she wanted to sit next to me, I would get up and move to a new table. I changed from a really timid girl that had an amazing friend to a jerk with friends that wouldn’t care about me like she would.
One day, I got a text from her. She was outside my house. Since no one was around, I let her in but searched the neighborhood to see if there were witnesses from school.

“Hey it’s been a while,” I nervously smiled.
She didn’t say anything but look at the floor.
“Here, take a seat,” I offered. She stood there. It crept me out at first but tears started to stream down her face.
“Hey are you okay?” I asked sincerely. This was the first time that I saw her bawling her eyes out.
“You’re evil,” she hiccupped. I couldn’t understand her at first but I furrowed my eyebrows when I understood her.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I scoffed and shrugged my shoulders. 
“You do!” She exclaimed. “You’re making my life into a living hell with every action that you do,” she added.

“I’m just teasing you,” I said.
“Your teasing is actually bullying,” she retorted.
“Why can’t you take a light joke?” I snickered.
“A light joke?” She questioned. She took a deep breath and began to say,” Life is hard. You just don’t get it.”
“I didn’t beat you up or hurt you physically,” I scoffed in disbelief. I didn’t know that she was so sensitive. If I knew that she was, I wouldn’t be as open or friendly with her. Why couldn’t she take a light joke?
“But you hurt me mentally,” She whimpered. “I tried but you were Ms. Popular and excluded me,” she cried. “My grandma died, you weren’t there. My brother thought about suicide, you weren’t there. My dad has been coming home, drunk, and you weren’t there. I had thoughts that haunted my mind, and you weren’t there. I’m not doing well in school and you’re not there to help me, I have people talk about me, and you weren’t there,” she exploded. “You were never there for me and you were never a friend,” she mumbled. “Matter of fact, you began to spread rumors and made fun of me,” she continued.
“They were just little ones,” I added.
“You’re not getting the point?” she asked. I shook my head.
“I’m depressed and hopeless,” she whispered.
“Then what am I supposed to do?” I asked
“Be there for me!” she yelled. “Of course you wouldn’t because, you were one of the reasons why,” she added. “What’s the point? You wouldn’t care if I died,” she wept.

I stood there in complete shock. My stomach was churning and it felt like I was suffocating. I couldn’t make any sounds or say anything back. Seeing her helpless, I didn’t know what to do. Listening to the words that were coming out of her mouth was breaking me. It made me see the picture. If she were to die, it would be my fault. Why she’s suffering is my fault. I could’ve been there to make her happy and forget about her problems. I stared at her but something caught my eye. There were scars on her arm. I immediately broke down and hugged her, embracing her like this was the last time. I was about to lose someone that meant so much to me. When I was a new student, she welcomed me and helped me grow. I pushed her away and let her suffer on her own. If she decided to commit suicide, she was killing herself physically but I was killing her mentally. It felt like I almost killed her. I didn’t know my bullying could’ve turned me into a murderer.

*      *     *

“Are you okay?” Samantha asked. I shook my head and looked at the two girls in front of me. Tears streamed down my face. I got up and hugged them.

“I’m so sorry,” I apologized even though I shouldn’t be the one to. The thought that people put them down made me remember my past. They wanted to run away and escape from all of this. Even though I didn’t do it I wanted to apologize on behalf of the students that bullied them and, for not paying attention to them.

*      *     *

Bullying. Where do we draw the line? It could seem like a joke and tease to you but in reality it could hurt others around you. These girls were bullied because of their mistakes and mishaps. People talked about them and brought them down which caused them to feel self-conscious. When Samantha and Sarah were hopeless after students bullying them, I couldn’t think. My heart was aching, my mind was blanking, and I was trying to help the girls. Verbal abuse can never be extinct, it will always be around us. But think, you could be the reason why someone is feeling down and not feeling their best. Impact the world and stop verbal abuse. Your words impact people. Raise people up and don’t bring them down.