How many times can someone promise something to you and actually stick with it? How many times can someone lie to you right in your face and get away with it? How do we as humans know exactly who to trust anymore? Although no one really knows these things, we manage to get by in life while still questioning why people are so bad and only want harm for themselves or others. Being psycho and being ostentatious is another thing i myself have never understood about a person. Why do others feel the need to live through so much drama when in the end, it only does them the most harm? I could never wrap my head around it. I wanna figure out the reason why all this seems to happen, and i wanna be able to cure it. I have a short story that honestly, has changed my life and the way i think and i wanna share this with you.

It all started in the middle of freshman year. I was 15, and things seemed like there was always something important missing from me but I always ignored it. Anyways, I had my best friend, Olivia and she was literally everything I needed. She was extremely supportive and just an amazing friend. Then, around January, there was a new girl who had a couple of my classes. Her name was Mary, and she seemed nice and kinda shy at first. Me and Olivia didn’t really know her at all so we kinda guessed she was the basic white girl who drinks Starbucks and has an iPhone. So then, things started getting drastic when we became friends. I liked Mary, she was different, and that had always stood out to me. Things then started getting kinda serious when she had a crush on me and mind you, my sexuality was straighter than a pole. So, I started kinda catching feelings for her and then things kinda got weird because we were still close friends but we never went out. So then I kinda fell into a depressed and desperate stage for her, it got to the point where she was the only thing I thought about. We didn’t even talk as much as we used to. I was slowly changing myself, and I didn’t even realize it. I started acting kinda different with everyone I hung out with and the worse part was that they noticed. We fought eventually a lot and at one point even became enemies because I was tired of her bs and I guess it was vice versa. We ended up making up and became friends before the school year ended, and I was happy we were friends again. It was almost as if we weren’t meant to be enemies. Then the Summer came, in which I was mostly away in Florida and started working when I returned. We were friends the whole summer and that made me happy. I’ve always wanted more from her but didn’t seem to expect it coming from her. When I returned from Florida and started working was when things started kinda getting outta control. I remember because it was the day that we had to give my dog away and I completely broke down and didn’t know who to talk to so, I texted her asking her if I could talk to her and I didn’t get a reply until the morning after. She asked what it was for and I replied telling her about my dog. She felt sad and told me that “I’ll be okay”. She was actually really supportive and I was grateful. She then sent me a couple of pics of her asking if I thought she was cute or not. Of course I was gonna say she was gorgeous and I did. Me and her continued talking for the rest of the day and basically started flirting a lot. Eventually I stopped talking to her again because she had been talking to a boy while talking to me so, that made me even more furious and I blocked her from all social media, I thought. On the first day of pre season for field hockey I went to the school and met her ex, Katherine, who had been on the team also. We basically connected, and had so much hate for Mary and all the pain she’s caused. We ended up becoming really good friends and I was happy to have someone on the team like her. So Mary texts me two days after that and asks me if I’m gonna be in the school tomorrow. I of course thought I blocked her on snapchat but I guess I didn’t and I responded with a simple yes. I then questioned why and she replied saying she was gonna play volleyball, which explains why she asked me if I was going so she could see me and talk to me. I then carelessly responded “I don’t think you should do that”. She questioned why and I explained to her how pissed I was at her for what she did. She then, for the first time ever, wrote me a whole paragraph explaining how sorry she was and how she did mean everything she told me. I told her if she was really sorry she was gonna have to say it to my face. She agreed and the next day we met up in the hallway and she started talking. She apologized about everything and told me she wanted to change. I believed her and she ended up spending the night at my house that following friday. Katherine was making jokes about us getting together and stuff which was kinda funny. Then we officially got together that Friday and things got pretty serious after that. What can I say, I was head over heels in love with her and she made it seem okay for me to be like that. I trusted her for everything, and it felt so right. Just when you think things start going well, they start to fall apart right in front of you.

She started ignoring me for no apparent reason, which pissed me off. I questioned why she acted like this. I asked myself specifically if I did anything wrong to her. I couldn’t think of anything bad I did. After like three days of her not talking to me, her cousin texted me explaining that she still had feelings for her ex and that she didn’t think she was ready to be in another relationship. I was furious at this because I warned her coming into a relationship would be serious and she took it as a joke. I texted her confronting her about it and she told me she was tired of everyone treating her like crap, including me. I of course was really confused to why or how she thought I was treating her like that. We continued to argue while she complained that I was to busy trying to change her and not accept her for who she was. I couldn’t believe she thought this was what i was trying to do the whole time. It also made me angry, so I just stopped talking to her. She then got so pathetic to the point where she sent me pictures of herself cutting and trying to get me to pity her. I assumed they were fake and she was just doing all of it for attention so, I told her to stop talking to me. She asked if I really didn’t care about her hurting herself. I ignored her like she ignored me. I could've sworn I hated her so much for what she did. I trusted her so much and i had felt betrayed. So me and Katherine continued hating her, now united. I remember me and her walking to the field just laughing about her because she thought she was the center of attention. Me and katherine became really good friends while dealing with hatred for Mary. Me and katherine basically didn’t want to return to her, we just didn’t like her at all. Everything about her bothered us. Practically her existence bothered us. To be honest it was kinda painful to watch Mary mess up herself the whole year. It’s hard to watch someone you once cared for, mess up their life. There would be times where she would say something to me and it just be like a WTF moment. Like why are you talking to me? I just didn’t want to stoop that low ever again in my life so, i continued to stop talking to her.
After a while Katherine and Mary became associates and to be honest, it was very awkward to watch. I remember all the weird stares me and Mary would give each other because i just so happened to have her in two of my classes. I saw her practically everyday. I hated that but i knew i had to deal with it. I can honestly say now that throughout the time that we weren’t talking was terrible. I hated it. I hated the fact that we once were so close and i would've took a bullet for her, and now things were just different. I thought that things were meant to be like that, and it was extremely hard to accept. My feelings for Mary completely disappeared, or so i thought. I didn’t think of her anymore and it kinda made me feel less anxious all the time. I started to care less and less for Mary everyday that passed. She slowly became a bad memory living in the past, and it made me glad that i didn’t have to deal with her anymore. Days went by where i wondered why she caused so much pain, why she did this to herself, why she wanted attention so bad. It then hit me, I never considered the fact that maybe, just maybe that poor girl that I actually loved once, needed serious help. She needed support from others who were there for her. She needed real love, not just attention. Around January, I started thinking about her again. I almost felt bad, I felt like I could maybe be the one person who she needs help from. I was worried she was gonna do something very stupid on the day that her dad passed away. I built up the courage to talk to her and I did. I went up to her and told her if she needed to talk to someone on that specific day, she had me. I could tell she was surprised that I came up to her and talked to her. She then told me she wasn’t okay at that moment, and she showed me her arms which were filled with cuts. They were everywhere, and I couldn’t believe it. She was actually crumbling away this whole time while I thought she was in a better place without me. When I saw her cuts, i didn’t even know what to say. It’s hard to say, but a small part of me died that day. It’s hard to see someone you once cared about, and still care about, hurt themselves. It kills you and eats at you on the inside. It forces you to not only think about your problems, but to now think and worry about your loved ones problems. It’s almost as if you wanna take all their pain away, you only want them to be happy, Mary just couldn’t seem to find that. I told her to stop doing that, and she looked at me with careless eyes and said that she’s trying. She then walked away after she said that. I didn’t know what to think. What felt like years of sorrow and pain, happened in less than 1 minute. Taking in all her distress, couldn’t even let me think straight. She could die any one of these days, it could be just tomorrow or worse, in just hours. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I felt so wrong not saying anything about it. I knew i had to step up and do something about it. It shocked me to think that no one did anything about it, not even her supposed “friends”. I knew i would live in regret not doing anything so i did what i thought i had to do. I told an adult i trusted. I told one of my favorite teachers, because i knew i could trust her. I told her, and she told me she was gonna have to report it. I was worried for what felt like everything at that point. I started to regret telling her. She told me i did the right thing by actually doing something about it, and i explained to her how no one else seemed to care enough to tell someone. She promised that everything was gonna be okay with Mary.

i left and went to lunch. I couldn’t even eat because i was still shocked by everything that had just happened. I didn’t wanna think things were bad with Mary, but they were. I went home that day speechless, not knowing how to respond to anyone’s problems. My mom noticed i was acting different and asked what was wrong. I shut her out, and didn’t tell her anything. I knew i was wrong about not telling her anything, but i still kept my mouth shut. The next day i looked to see if she had shown up to school, but she didn’t. I gained more worry, and i couldn’t even think straight wondering what had happened to her. So towards the end of the day, as i was walking outside towards the buses, i see katherine approaching me with a shocked face. She comes up to me and says “Yooo did you hear about Mary being in a mental hospital?” i looked at her with shock and said “Wait what? Where did you hear that from?” she responded by saying one of her friends told her about it. I felt nothing but shock and relief at the same time. I didn’t know if i was happy she was safe or if she furious with me for what i did. I didn’t even know if that was the truth about her, i didn’t know who was telling the truth anymore. So i went home thinking if she was either in the hospital or not. I had never been so worried for anyone before. The feeling was completely new to me, and i didn’t like it. I cried because i didn’t know what to do, i didn’t know who to turn to, i didn’t know anything. I eventually stopped crying and came to reality of the situation. I knew i had to do something to find out where she was, and if she was okay. I knew the only person i could turn to was my mother, so i told her. I asked her if she remembered Mary from when she spent the night at my house and she responded with a yes. I then went to tell her everything i did and how i didn’t know where she was and if she was okay. She told me not to worry and that she’ll help me find out the next day where she is and if she’s okay. I went back to my room only to sit on my bed and look at the cross on my wall. I looked at it for a long time, until i felt tears running down my face. I looked down and wiped them away. I felt terrible because i wanted to know what was going through her head, i wanted to just see her and hug her. I wanted to tell her how i loved her so much and how much i regret not sticking around with her. I felt terrible on the inside, and it didn’t get better. That night i didn’t sleep at all, i couldn’t imagine myself sleeping in peace at such a terrible time. I stayed up all night thinking to myself, wondering if she was okay, wondering what she thought of me. I thought she must have hated me if she knew it was me that told someone. The next morning i watched my mom walk out of her to room to leave to work and i asked her what am i supposed to do. She told me when she got home we would figure it out. My facial expression couldn’t help but show i was hopeless. After she left i asked my brother who had been to the same mental hospital she’s rumored to be in, if there was anyway you could contact someone inside. He told me you have to be family and to call you would have to know a certain code. Basically he explained how if you’re not family you cannot contact anyone inside. At that point i felt completely hopeless. I sat on my kitchen floor crying because i needed a answer, and i didn’t have one. That night when my mom came home, i remembered I had Mary on facebook before we became enemies, and i remembered her mother had a facebook. So i found it and i texted her asking if Mary was ok. Well really i texted more than just that because i was mostly afraid of her response. She responded and said yes she was okay, and that she was just taking some time off. She then asked basically why i was asking because she asked me if there was drama between me, Katherine, and Mary. i told her there was drama but i apologized because most of it was stupid. She then said how it takes a bigger person to apologize and that Mary was just taking some time off. I thanked her and didn’t say anything else.she then responded, asking if she can ask me a question. I of course said yes. She asked me if I was the one who had told the counselor about Mary cutting. I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't open the message because I was scared of what she would say. I had no idea what was going on in her head. She then sent another message saying that if I was the one who told someone about it that she's extremely grateful for it. She went on to say that it was the right thing to do. My mom asked what did she say and when she saw it, she decided it was best to have a phone call with her. My mom called her and asked if Mary was okay. They both had a full hour conversation about Mary and how Grateful Her mom was for what i did. Once the conversation ended, I went to my room and just sat on my bed thinking. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The very next day Mary’s mother texted me and told me she had something for me that Mary wanted me to have. She showed me a picture of a letter to me written by Mary. I then thanked her for the picture and that i would come by some day to pick it up. She gave me her address and told me to visit her soon so i could collect it. I don’t remember the exact day when i first went to visit her, I went with my mother, When i knocked on her door and was ready to face reality, Her mother opened the door and i recognized nothing but Mary’s face. The resemblance between the two was incredible. As she escorted me in, she asked if it was okay if she could give me a hug. I of course said yes and she hugged me with such endearment. She then went to talk to me and my mother about everything that’s been going on. Shortly after a week, Her mother texted me and told me that she was getting out of the hospital and asked if she could see me. I of course agreed, and waited til saturday to see her. When i finally saw her, she gave me a big hug and told me she missed me. I smiled and told her i missed her too. From then on, we kept ourselves close, never leaving each other’s side. When she was ready to return to school, i was there by her side the entire time. We became best friends again. Everything seemed just right.

I completely forgot the morality that i had engraved in my mind. Knowing that life is not always gonna be perfect. Life was compared to a scale to me. Sometimes the scale would tip over to the good side, and the bad side. There was never a inbetween. Over the summer mary had suddenly cut me off. She one day just stopped talking to me and blocked me on all social media. I asked one of my friends that was friends with her why she had done that. My friend found out it was because she had a boyfriend and he didn’t want mary associating with me. She decided that he was more valuable so she listened to his commands and cut me off. I felt terrible after. I felt lost for a long time until i realized that she didn't deserve my help. I supported her through her hardest times and that's how she treated me? It made me furious that she could feel no sympathy as any normal human would. I lost faith in her and decided the best thing for me after all. It was never her, and it gratefully never will be. Thank you.