When I was nine years old, my Dad left. It was hard because I was just a little girl who had no clue why her Dad had just picked up and left. I knew there was a reason, but I didn’t know what it was. All I knew was that my Mom was sad, my brother was angry, and I was lonely. We all felt broken, yet we were hiding our feelings from each other.
When I was ten he came back and suddenly I didn’t feel so lonely. I felt a small glimpse of hope, but not for long. I thought things would go back to normal, but they didn’t. My Mom was still sad, my brother was still angry, and I still felt lonely. My parents would hardly talk, my brother would hardly come home. I could hear the arguments, but not loud enough to get the answers I needed. Sometimes I would hear a car pull into the driveway before all of our morning alarms would go off, I would look out the window and it was my Dad coming in. I felt betrayed but not surprised. It seemed like he had lied to me my whole life so why wouldn’t he be lying now? I soon realized he wasn’t home for good.
I kept what I knew about him to myself for about a year, until things started adding up. I realized all the things he was doing, and all the lies he told. One day while he was at work I came downstairs and asked my Mom why we’re pretending like Dad was back and that everything was normal. She told me it was to make life easier for my brother and I, which I understand because no child no wants to see their parents get divorced. I told her that I wanted him gone. He doesn’t do anything but lie to us and hurt us. She deserves to be happy too. She was surprised with what I said, but felt happy that I was putting her feelings before mine at such a young age.

A couple days later, I came home to find the him and all of his stuff was gone. To this day I don’t know if it was because my Mom told him to go, or if he just picked up and left again. I guess I don’t want to hear the answer incase it’s too painful. It hurt for a while, that lonely feeling came back but I made the decision of cutting my Dad out of my life. My Mom was happy, my brother was home, that’s all the mattered to me. The toxic person was out of our lives. Years went on without communication with him, and each year it got easier. I’m not going to lie, someday’s I wish he was here, but I know that it was for the best that he is gone, we can grow without fear of feeling abandoned again.
I had to learn how to grow up at a really young age, and fast. I learned how to appreciate the people in my life who loved me and wanted the best for me, and learned how to identify the people who weren’t good for me and how to get them out. To this day My Dad and I still don’t talk, but it’s made it hard for me to open up and trust people, but I truly believe that this changed me for the better.